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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want people to just take my baby off me?

87 replies

Rkg233 · 01/06/2014 16:37

At MILs and I've just been sat holding 4 mo DS and she just came up and took him off me. I said 'oh no he's ok here' and she said 'but I want a cuddle'. She's already seen him several times this week. My mum has form for it too.
AIBU not to want people just to pick my baby up when I'm holding him? For some reason today I'm feeling the need to be really close to him.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 01/06/2014 16:41

YABU to let them if you don't want them to.

Part of being a parent involves saying and doing things that you might feel 'awkward' about, but you need to say and do them for the sake of your child.

This will become more apparent the older your baby gets, so it's best to start now if you can.

FunkyBoldRibena · 01/06/2014 16:43

Can you wear him in a sling and they actually can't take him unless they wrestle you to the ground?

Coldlightofday · 01/06/2014 16:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

Rkg233 · 01/06/2014 16:48

I think a sling may be the way to go. When I've mentioned it to MIL before she's got upset and said things like I don't want her to have a relationship with DS

OP posts:

Jelliebabe2 · 01/06/2014 16:52

Yabu - of course grandma would want a cuddle! It's not like a stranger!

Original poster

Rkg233 · 01/06/2014 16:54

Her and SIL had just spent an hour passing him back and forth between them and then I'd taken him back to feed him. After he'd finished feeding I was sat holding him and wanted to cuddle him for a bit. Sorry for the drip feed.

OP posts:

CottonbudCatastrophe · 01/06/2014 16:55

You really need to take a stand on this, OP. Seriously, it's a slippery slope. I didn't because I'm a coward & I bitterly regret it now. Lack of respect for my privacy, feeding decisions, safety concerns, etc.

Coldlightofday · 01/06/2014 16:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWinnibago · 01/06/2014 16:57

My MIL had to be reminded to hand my DD back. Now my DC are bigger...huge in fact, I sometimes want a cuddle of my friend's baby and wish she'd offer her more often!

It's weird...I know she has more "right" than anyone to hold the baby but I can't help thinking "Oh just bloody give me a go!" I'd never just grab the baby though.

Only1scoop · 01/06/2014 16:58

Blimey ....I never used to feel like this.... If its upsetting you though, just growl at them on approach.

mrsmopps · 01/06/2014 17:01

yanbu this used to upset me too.
When they get to toddler age and you actually want someone to take them off your hands nobody is interested!

ExBrightonBell · 01/06/2014 17:04

YANBU. She said "but I want a cuddle"?! How old is she, six? What a childish and petulant response to you saying, politely, no.

The baby is not there to entertain her, and she isn't the one who gets to decide what happens.

I think it's completely reasonable to say no, and then to tell her that you will let her know when she can hold him, later. It's not unreasonable for a grandmother to want to hold a baby, but it is unreasonable to be petulant and demanding about it.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 17:05

Your family does know he's a child, not a puppy, right?

I do see the point though that they're only there to visit and you get him all the time. But the fact stands that just because you have him all the time doesn't mean you owe them anything. If you say wait a minute, your word goes.

The rule with my family is, if they want to hold DD and hog her, they don't get to just hand her back when she cries and then take her again when she's happy. Not how it works. They either give her back when I want or they do the grunge work too. It really doesn't deter them any though, but I feel better knowing that they'll feed her or change her diaper if she fusses.

Original poster

Rkg233 · 01/06/2014 17:06

Cold yes he is EBF. Much to MIL's and my DM's disappointment - 'oh but it's nice for grandparents to be able to give them a bottle'.

OP posts:

crashboombang · 01/06/2014 17:07

Get a sling.

My mother used to do this and walk after with daughter. She hated it. It was very stressful and we had words.

Even now at 2.5 my daughter doesn't like her. If only she let her display some cues in the beginning of when she felt safe to be moved.....

Humansatnav · 01/06/2014 17:09

I found a great word for dealing with this, its "No". Remember, its not just a word, its a complete sentence.
It takes practice, but it works a treat.

Coldlightofday · 01/06/2014 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mindthegap79 · 01/06/2014 17:11

YANBU - Was at DB and SIL's recently with my then 8 week old and her parents and sister were there. Her mum wanted a cuddle with dd who then started to cry, and instead of handing her back to me after her failed attempts to calm her, she then handed dd to the sister to have a go. Needless to say dd then began to scream. I don't know them well and didn't want to be rude but I think they were being pretty damn thoughtless. I said "I think I'd better take her" twice before saying "sje needs me" and physically prying her off the sister. Grrr.

DollyWosits · 01/06/2014 17:15

Seriously, it is just a matter of saying no. If you start doing it you start to find it easy. I used to say it with a smile, a joke'y evil glare and a 'No, he's mine'. If pushed i would continue with a 'You have had your turn at being a Mum/Dad and it's my turn now' This works with people giving unwanted advice too.

Be strong.

Congrats on your baby. (They are so cute at 4 months )

ShakesBootyFlabWobbles · 01/06/2014 17:23

Seems a bit U not to let GP hold the baby when you are visiting them, surely that is to be expected and is part of the territory. I am a bit at some of the responses you've had, but each to their own.

I used to willingly hand mine over at that age and say do you mind if I go and have an hour's sleep; killed two birds with one stone

crashboombang · 01/06/2014 17:23

Get a sling.

My mother used to do this and walk after with daughter. She hated it. It was very stressful and we had words.

Even now at 2.5 my daughter doesn't like her. If only she let her display some cues in the beginning of when she felt safe to be moved.....

mrsmopps · 01/06/2014 17:26

I don't get why MILs people are so desperate to feed babies.

alwaysblonde · 01/06/2014 17:36

Your baby, your rules.

Writerwannabe83 · 01/06/2014 17:37

I've never had anyone take DS from me (aged 10 weeks) they will either ask or I will just hand him over if I know the person wants a cuddle - usually his grandad.

What I don't like is when someone else is holding him and he starts crying, getting really distressed and don't give him back. In the first few weeks I'd hold my tongue and watch as people tried to soothe his cries when really I just wanted to scream, "Give me my baby back!"

I'm past keeping quiet now though and will quite happily just snatch him from someone's arms if he is crying

Tryharder · 01/06/2014 17:37

Oh for heaven's sake, precious much?

If your baby were 4 days old I'd agree with you but 4 months is old enough to spend a bit of quality time with Grandma. Why don't you use the time to do something else or get a shower, paint your nails or something.

Your baby is not your possession or your toy. He or she is a person who is entitled to a relationship with people other than you. Stop being so uptight and enjoy a bit of baby free time when the opportunity arises.

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