To not want people to just take my baby off me?

[Rkg233]

At MILs and I've just been sat holding 4 mo DS and she just came up and took him off me. I said 'oh no he's ok here' and she said 'but I want a cuddle'. She's already seen him several times this week. My mum has form for it too.
AIBU not to want people just to pick my baby up when I'm holding him? For some reason today I'm feeling the need to be really close to him.

As a grandma I can honestly say that, having had 9 dgc, I have never ever had a dd or ddil or even dsd mind me cuddling the babies. I had a reputation for being able to get wind up easily and to soothe babies to sleep and was usually handed a baby post feed. If I asked for a cuddle I was handed the baby and often changed nappies etc if needed.
BUT you get a sense of when the mum just wants her baby to herself and you respect that. If ever a mum said she wanted baby back I gave baby back. If baby cried I asked if mum wanted me to try or if she wanted the baby herself. To be honest I tended to say,"Oh she wants Mummy" if they cried and then I felt bad for leaving mum with a crying babe. It is so hard for us grandparents to get it right sometimes...especially on mn.

YANBU. Sometimes you just want to hold your baby. Especially if they've been passed around a lot already.

I now have DC2 and have become a bit more assertive. The other day he had been handed around a lot and I actually said to my DM "I'd like to hold my own baby now"

My DM likes to think she's got rights over him though e.g "oh as your DSis doesn't see him as much as me I'm letting her hold him" Er no, I'M letting her hold him. Though my DM and her "rights" to everything is a whole other thread

People don't have any kind of automatic right over your child, however they do love him and who doesn't want to give a cute baby a cuddle?

Thegreylady , you sound lovely !

I think it is rude and unreasonable for them to just grab your baby without asking first. But I also think you are being a little precious for not allowing them to cuddle your baby. He is your son, but also their grandson.

I have read countless threads on here from parents whose own parents have shown no interest at all in their children, so you are lucky to have such doting grandparents. You just need to make it clear that your son is a baby not a plaything.

I breastfed DD when she was little, but I was pleased to hand her over to friends or MIL just to have a break.

I had no problem with anyone holding dd when she was small and offered her immediately to people like MIL who I knew was desperate for 'cuddles'.

However. When dd was 5 days (after trying to 'share' dd with mil as much as she wanted, we had been at MILs around an hour. I walked in, gave dd to MIL who kept her for around half an hour, even when she was screaming, eventually handing her back to dh when he insisted she needed a feed (EBF much to MILs disgust, same as your mil, unfair to her!) I left the room and fed her, PIL didn't like me to BF in front of them. When I came back in, holding a sleeping dd, mil charged over and grabbed her saying 'right giver her here, she wants a snuggle from her nana'. Hormones made me want to burst in to tears and I could have kicked myself for letting her do this to me! Later in the visit, we put dd in her coat yo go, mil announced she'd never seen this coat and wanted a photo of dd in it, again came and snatched her from my arms to pass her to BIL to take a photo as obviously, there was no way I could be in the picture.

This behaviour continued and worsened, my dh snapped with them and we now have no contact with them they haven't seen dd since she was 1, she's nearly 3 now.

Moral of the story is stick to your guns and set firm boundaries based on what you're comfortable with, if we had, we might not have got to the point of no contact, which is awful for everyone involved!

Babies don't go for subtle so that only the mother can pick it up- babies tell you loud and clear!

^^ I'd really disagree with this.There are loads of small signals a baby gives before they get to crying that someone who doesn't know the baby would miss. Not all babies cry as par for the course - mine doesn't.

Cold yes he is EBF. Much to MIL's and my DM's disappointment - 'oh but it's nice for grandparents to be able to give them a bottle'.

Ugh. This would piss me right off. I know a couple of people who can manage to make any situation all about their needs.

No doubt when they have grandchildren that won't change!

Breastfeeding is a very handy thing for all sorts of occasions. Have you perfected the art of making it look like the baby is still latched on when he isn't?

I understand people wanting to cuddle little babies but on several occasions when DS was small I had literally only just unlatched him from my boob when MIL or Aunty would make a grab for him! They also had to be told rather firmly to let other family get a look in and actually give our baby to us sometimes! I'm a few weeks off having DD and will be tougher this time (although I still will let people cuddle her sometimes of course!)

To all the posters saying I'm being precious and not letting MIL hold DS - yes I do! As I said up thread she had just spent an hour holding him and passing him between her and SIL. I'd just finished feeding him and he was happily sitting on my knee and we were having a cuddle when she took him out my arms. I would never try and stop his grandparents holding him but I have the right to want to hold my own baby, regardless of if I 'get him all the time or not'. Of course I get him all the time - i'm his mum

I'm lucky with my PIL, they are very courteous with me (not standoffish, but we respect each other) and I don't think they have ever just taken baby off me. They can be a bit slow to return him if he cries, but having read this thread it could be for positive reasons! And if I'm honest I blame DH more in that scenario for not immediately taking him back ;)

My mum on the other hand... I don't think she just took DS... But she would get a sulk on if she felt she wanted him and I wasn't handing him over, and then when I offered I would get some sort of PA comment. I'm training her out of it, she is a very entitled woman when it comes to my children!

My mil tried this shit.

She was fuckng hideous to me when I was pregnant. She is just one bitter old bully.

She would bring random strangers to my home with out any notice, march them in, then pick dd up, whilst sleeping in my arms or in bassinet , then start passing her around and then ask if I was brewing up!

The last time she pulled her out of my arms - I pulled her back and there was a split second when we both eye balled each other and I don't think she was going to let go. After then she always asked.

She got told to stop bringing random people round, so it then turned in to..

' oh this is sue, you know sue don't you, our carols next door neighbour, lives two streets down ?" Sue would be stood in the fuckng living room , while I had a breast flopping about just after feeding.

One day I found my boundary and shouted at mil when she rocked up with some other randomer.

She didn't do it again

And baby's are not bloody dolls. Leave them be FFS!!!