To not want people to just take my baby off me?

[Rkg233]

At MILs and I've just been sat holding 4 mo DS and she just came up and took him off me. I said 'oh no he's ok here' and she said 'but I want a cuddle'. She's already seen him several times this week. My mum has form for it too.
AIBU not to want people just to pick my baby up when I'm holding him? For some reason today I'm feeling the need to be really close to him.

I think your MiL is lucky that you are prepared to see her several times a week. Your sound a lovely DiL. :)

I am a GM and always ask my DD / SiL first before picking up DGS.

I don't think YABU. In fact next time anyone tries to take the baby, just snarl or growl. Should give them enough of a shock to enable you to tighten your grip or walk away.
I don't think it's about 'begrudging anyone a cuddle' - the sense of entitlement that some people have with new babies (family or not) is outrageous. If a new Mum feels territorial, fair enough. It's her baby, her rules - the GPs had their turn and should be more accommodating.

It's half the fun going to my parents or pil that they can hold the baby. I get to hold him all the time at home and ALL night lol.

There's nothing better than cuddling a small baby now mine isn't a small baby anymore I would happily cuddle my friends babies all day.

I don't think you're being unreasonable . It would be nice to be asked rather than it being expected that you pass your baby around .

You would think it a possession with 'her baby, her rules'! It is much better when they get older and have a say! People are at their worst with babies!

The saddest thing I saw , Firsttimer, was an elderly Greek lady in UK, bend down towards a baby and the mother barked '!Please don't touch!'- the poor woman looked dreadfully confused.

That is sad
Poor lady

Unheard of in Greece!
I think people get more uptight the further north you go- lovely and relaxed in the Mediterranean countries.

I've read a few posts on here saying when their baby is crying they just want it back but I think more often than not, the person holding the baby is wanting to try to help, rather than do a 'oh your baby is crying now, how annoying, here have it back'.
Honestly when I hold friends babies and they start howling the first thing I want to do is hand it back! But I don't because it seems unfair on the parents so I just try to distract the baby for a minute and if no change then yes it gets handed back.

You're talking about your DS' grandmothers not some random strangers.
YABU

I would just be thrilled you have 2 grandmothers close by and make use of them!

I always shared my DC with visitors, DD1 was born just before Christmas many years ago and I struggled with my recovery (bad tear and infected stitches) we had a wonderful Christmas at both my family and the inlaws, lots of visitors and everyone had a chance for a cuddle, whilst I sat in the corner and rested.

In the past week I have been to a party with the extended family and we had a six week old and a 6 month old to cuddle.
, no restrictions.

Plus my DSis has just had another and we all turn up for our baby time including my DD who is now a teenager. We are not from warmer Southern Europe in fact we are very reserved English, but none of us seem to have any hang ups in allowing others to hold our babies.

happened to me too, and what annoyed me too was most of my friends who tried to "comfort" my crying DD didn't have children of heir own.

And therefore they are obviously unqualified to try to soothe your child?

OP I think YABU. My DPs ADORE their DGS, he is the light of their life. Why anyone would want to prevent grandparents from cuddling their grandchild is beyond me (unless of course it is unsafe for any reason).

firstTimer I don't think it's a UK thing - I was born in UK and lived here all my life (as have all generations going back centuries) but I think the same as you. I've only ever come across this "don't touch my baby" thing on MN, never in real life.

YANBU. I hated it when my MIL did this. Wish I had said no more. I'm sure you as a mother have a better idea of when your baby wants to be settled with you, and when he is feeling sociable and wouldn't mind being passed to others, than anyone else. The MILs/relatives who don't respect this are in my view a bit insensitive. And even if you were being overprotective - so what?! It's your baby, and your relationship with him is the most important.

YABU - it speaks volumes that you feel your child's grandmothers are out of line for wanting to cuddle him. I wish my MIL showed the same interest in our DCS....you should be thankful!

OP if it makes you feel uncomfortable that you aren't holding your babe, then you must figure out a way to stay holding him when you feel like you want to be close to him,.
Breast feeding gave me near psychic powers with my babes and I KNEW when they were unhappy, or needed to be with me.

I'd wake just before they did and we had a very strong connection which has lasted.

Your PIL sound like they want a 'go' for their own satisfaction, not yours and not your babes. Them saying they want you to bottle feed him, so they can give him a bottle too would upset me too, as it's a negative comment about your parenting choices.

Is there any way you can limit the time spent with them for a while, until everything calms down for you, and your back on a more even keel.

A sling might be perfect as you can wear him and be close without having to fight the grasping hands.

Take care of yourself, and try not to let things get your down. Put your babe and yourself first, and make sure you're happy.
You're doing a great job.

I agree with Venus.
As a mother, your awareness about your child's wants and needs is much more finely attuned than anyone else's, even if that person is a loving grandparent. There are times that you sense that your baby doesn't want to be passed around, and that he/she is happy where she is, or that baby has had enough time with a stranger and wants the security of its mother.
I don't think mothers who sometimes become uncomfortable about having someone else cuddle their child are doing it out of possessiveness - after all, they get loads of contact-time with the baby. I think often they are picking up signals from baby that are too subtle for anyone else to see. Personally, I can tell very quickly if someone who is interacting with my baby is actually trying to listen to her and read her cues, or is just doing things to the her with a generalised idea about what babies like. The latter make me itchy to have her back.
In OP's case, she'd just finished a feed and may well have sensed that her baby would be happiest being close to her for a little bit. It doesn't sound like MiL or SIL are paying particular attention to what baby or mother is feeling or wanting.

Gosh, people really read what they want to read don't they.

You have prevented the gps from cuddling baby. You don't want them to cuddle baby.

People really need to rtt properly.

Why do GP want to prevent you cuddling baby is a better question!

Honestly. You visit (good for you), you let them pass baby around for an hour (good for you, bet you had gritted teeth though ), you take baby to bf (seems normal, bet mil had gritted teeth then!), and you have a snuggle with your baby expecting him not to be taken from you (seems reasonable!).

And yet people read that as you are preventing GP from having a cuddle!

YATNBU!

you are absolutely not being unreasonable. she is your baby, and you know her best, my ds2 is 3 months and i seem to know when he will be happy with others and when he needs me. trust your instincts and don't let parents or parents in law dictate your parenting choices be it cuddle time or bottle feeding?

My god some of you lot are so precious! Granny wants to cuddle the baby, big deal! Go and have a nap or read a book in peace for ten minutes, both granny and baby will be happy.

What slithytove said. At least read the OP's posts even if you CBA to read the whole thread! Granny and SIL had had the baby between them for the previous hour and the OP had just finished feeding her DS when she wanted to have a little cuddle with him too. And from that some people have extrapolated the OP is ungrateful, uptight and preventing the GPs from building a relationship with their GS - what the very fuck?

I think it's fine if they ask: would DC like a cuddle with grandma? Giving you a chance to respond. And don't be afraid to say not right now, but when they've had a feed, or yes can you change their nappy too. But it's not fine, or respectful of you or your DC, to just swoop in and pick them up without a word. Even my MIL who is very hands on and intense would ask before picking up DD. I appreciated her attempts to calm her and frankly she was often better at it than me!

I read the thread. I still think the OP is being precious.

Generally I find the baby is fine- it is the mother who isn't. Babies don't go for subtle so that only the mother can pick it up- babies tell you loud and clear!
I am used to MN and 'dirty' strangers touching their baby- it is a new one to have 2 loving grandmothers and 'hands off unless I give you express permission, when I want to'.
Luckily it won't be long before the baby can show their own preference.

I know how you feel OP, I can't remember how many times FIL just reached in without asking and took DS out of my arms :( It's unnecessary and just felt like I was totally surplus to requirements and my feelings were irrelevant. It's really damaged my relationship with him as there is no respect there. I will be saying "no" with dc2! As other posters have said, your relationship with the baby is most important and why shouldn't you enjoy a cuddle with your baby especially when you have to do all the crap stuff as well?! It's not as if you won't let other people enjoy a cuddle with your baby. Rant over!