Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3 4

Original poster

To not want people to just take my baby off me?

87 replies

Rkg233 · 01/06/2014 16:37

At MILs and I've just been sat holding 4 mo DS and she just came up and took him off me. I said 'oh no he's ok here' and she said 'but I want a cuddle'. She's already seen him several times this week. My mum has form for it too.
AIBU not to want people just to pick my baby up when I'm holding him? For some reason today I'm feeling the need to be really close to him.

OP posts:

PiperRose · 01/06/2014 17:39

I think YABU, these people are your (and your child's) family. If you don't want to let other people to hold him then why take him to visit them?

Deverethemuzzler · 01/06/2014 17:41

I had 7 SILs
Imagine that if you will.

I had to learn to be assertive pretty damn quick.

They were all baby care experts as well. They knew everything

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 17:43

I used to willingly hand mine over at that age and say do you mind if I go and have an hour's sleep; killed two birds with one stone

Yes. This.

They don't get to "relieve" me of the baby if they only want cuddles though, they have to feed or change diapers if it's on their watch. But I also have a very chill baby, if she cries it's because something is actually wrong, not just "I want mommy". I'd rather her be with other people so she's used to it and I can get a break when I want. "Mommy's favorite" is only cute until you get no time to yourself. :)

BumpAndGrind · 01/06/2014 17:46

My MIL tries so hard not to tread on my toes in this area its funny.

She will sit there and just watch my baby, but as soon as I start to ask if he wants to hold her she is across the room before I've even said the word cuddle

chocomochi · 01/06/2014 17:47

Mindthegap - happened to me too, and what annoyed me too was most of my friends who tried to "comfort" my crying DD didn't have children of heir own.

YANBU if you wanted your baby back after being passed between MIL and SIL the afternoon. But it's difficult to say no isn't it? I found it difficult to day no when dd1, but got much better with dd2

PiperRose · 01/06/2014 17:51

"happened to me too, and what annoyed me too was most of my friends who tried to "comfort" my crying DD didn't have children of heir own."

Dear god, I'm surprised you let these people near your child!

LumionaMoonsplash · 01/06/2014 17:53

Mine got passed over to anyone who visited for as long as they wanted. I knew that it was the babies they wereInterested in not my sparkling conversation. I had plenty of cuddles during my M/L and probably too much when they wouldn't sleep at night. They're only little for a short time and I love that the GPs are happily involved.

Solaia · 01/06/2014 18:20

I think Yabu and a bit precious. These people are your sons family and they love him - let him be indulged in a bit of love and attention from his adoring fans.

Morgause · 01/06/2014 18:27

I think YABU they are his family as well and want to have a loving relationship with him. If you get huffy you may prevent that.

ExBrightonBell · 01/06/2014 18:31

I'd be amazed if reasonable grandparents are put off by a little bit of new mum over protectiveness.

Billygoats · 01/06/2014 18:37

Yanbu my mil picks dd up when she's happily playing on her mat. Drives me mad as dd gets fussy being sat on people's knee and wants to play, then she gets told she's being grumpy by mil and handed to me. A little annoying.

Nanny0gg · 01/06/2014 18:38

I think Yabu and a bit precious. These people are your sons family and they love him - let him be indulged in a bit of love and attention from his adoring fans.

^^This.

Thank heaven I am allowed to cuddle my DGC without being timed!

As for she said 'but I want a cuddle'. She's already seen him several times this week. My mum has form for it too.

Speechless. Form for it!!

God forbid GPs want to cuddle their own grandchildren. How thoroughly unreasonable! Yes, get yourselves slings, and huddle up in the corner with your PFB. Maybe draw up a timetable showing the five minutes they'll be allowed to look at him?

Fozziebearmum · 01/06/2014 18:46

I'm astounded by some of the responses you've had on this thread...!

YADNBU! It's your baby and you decide when or if others hold her. My dd has sometimes been unsettled or I can see she's tired/hungry/unhappy with new faces (but others miss her cues) so I hold her until the time is right to hand her over. It's not about depriving a gp, it's about getting dd happy and comfortable with others. And it's worked, she used to get a bit upset at new faces but now is building a great relationship with gps.

Gps would never just rip her from my arms but I did have an unfortunate incident with a carer whilst visiting a family member. She ripped her from my arms (literally) and kissed her twice... Id never even met the woman before.

CurlyhairedAssassin · 01/06/2014 18:53

YABVU. I could understand if you were complaining that the grandparents won't give them back if they're crying and you just want to be able to comfort him the way you know he likes best.

But just wanting a cuddle, FGS. You surely can understand that, seeing as you were enjoying cuddling him yourself!!! You can see why people like to cuddle their baby relatives! They don't stay babies for long and you get to have him all the time. If you visit for an hour and a half on a weekend then spend the whole time there with him clamped to you, then merrily say "bye, then!" Before they've had any interaction with him then I really think that's being unfair.

Your baby is not a possession, as someone else as said. He is a person, a loved member of an extended family and interactions with more loved ones than just his mother is important at that age.

If he starts crying while they have him, let them have a go at soothing him but if he doesn't calm down then it's very easy to say "aw, I think he wants me now" and take him back.

I really don't see the problem unless they are doing annoying things like jiggling him too much after he's just had a feed or insisting on singing loud nursery rhymes when it's obvious he just wants to go to sleep.

winkywinkola · 01/06/2014 18:58

I has this with my first. All dh's family refused to give me back ds1 when he was howling. I wasn't assertive enough then to just take him back. Never happened again though.

I kind of get irritated by anyone just taking my babies off me. They are mine whatever anyone else says.

I don't know if yabu or not.

mommy2ash · 01/06/2014 18:59

i don't see anything wrong with family members wanting a cuddle. it was done with my dd and now its done with my sisters dd. in a year or so you will be begging people to take them lol. i think its nice for babies to build up a bond with extended family members. my dd is extremely close with all of my family.

ExBrightonBell · 01/06/2014 19:01

In her most recent post the OP says that her MIL and SIL and been holding the baby between them for the previous hour. Hardly denying them a cuddle. The OP wanted to hold her own baby after feeding him, which is entirely reasonable and arguably desirable when breastfeeding.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 19:04

She ripped her from my arms (literally) and kissed her twice... Id never even met the woman before.

!! Wow.

I'd flip. Not only for taking her without asking, but also for putting her mouth on her. That's how babies get sick.

I knew someone who's friend took their baby, dipped her finger in a wine glass, and then put the wine dipped finger in the baby's mouth.

BackforGood · 01/06/2014 19:10

I think YABabitU too.
You were visiting your baby's Grandparents - of course they want to cuddle him, that's why you were there.
Most people would be pleased that the lucky chap has extended family who want to build a relationship with him.

Delphiniumsblue · 01/06/2014 19:18

Just think of it as much better for the baby. It is hard on the first and much easier for the subsequent ones when the mother has relaxed. (I was my mother's PFB). You have plenty of time alone-why begrudge them a cuddle?

FreeSpirit89 · 01/06/2014 20:27

I can't remember feeling like this with DS, but I was at a wedding the other week, and a baby was there and he went round the church twice before mummy got him back.

People like newborns. I like the idea about squirting breast milk at them though

MrsWinnibago · 01/06/2014 20:47

I didn't mind at all when my baby got passed around in restaurants and stuff. Always felt flattered and that people were giving me a rest.

In Italy I barely got to hold my DD1 at all for 3 months we were there! She was grabbed and taken around every shop, restaurant and hotel we went to! The waitresses seemed to think it was part of their duty to rob my baby and show her round the tables!

Firsttimer7259 · 01/06/2014 20:51

This is such a cultural thing for me. I'm always surprised people don't immediately ask for a go at holding the baby. I love it when I go back to where I grew up and total strangers will dandle your baby while you do the shopping, sort out your bag whatever. Love the reassurance that people just help if baby's screaming.
Totally weirds out people here (UK) but I love all that affection for babies just cos they're babies. I have to sit on my hands tho as I realise now -thanks to mumsnet- that many people in UK find this intrusive. But I miss it - lived here 20 years but it made me feel really foreign to have this completely different idea of how-to behave around babies!

FloozeyLoozey · 01/06/2014 20:51

God I used to love people holding ds and giving me a break! Always lovely to see other people cooing over him, a baby bonding with multiple people and being loved by them is only a positive thing. Ds has never been remotely clingy either.

MrsWinnibago · 01/06/2014 20:54

First me too! I sometimes want to ask but think I'll offend people. And the holding on to the baby when it cries comes from them trying to give the Mother a "break"....that's what I think anyway.

Flip

1 2 3 4