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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being treated differently then sister in law

315 replies

Lancashiregal10 · 01/06/2014 11:49

Basically sister in law has a four year old and we have a 10 month old. Sister in law is a single parent (she adopted as a single parent).
A bit of background at the time of adopting me and DH thought we could not have children and would find it hard to be approved as adopters as I have uncontrolled epilepsy (been through process and told this). SIL then suddenly decides she wants to adopt as a single parent (fine, no issue with this). When she was approved she tells my DH that "she will finally have something that we don't have". Now she has always been like this so we are a bit disgusted but we both shrug it off.
She has always had her mum and dad (my DH parents) pay for everything and they practically bring up her child for her. (Again if she and inlaws are ok with this its their issue, we can afford stuff she can't and its none of our business how her child is brought up).
Anyway fast forward to me and DH having child that we never though we could (cue major paddies and childish from SIL but that is another story).
But now we are finding her little boy is being treated so different then ours. They never have time to spend with ours (apart from one afternoon a week which they look after and we are very gratefull for)
If we arrange to do something with them at weekend SIL butts in and they end up bein with her (apparently we can't do stuff togther as SIL hates me and does not want to spend time with me)
We have to provide all milk, food, nappies for that one half day a week yet They have SILs kid fours days and she provides nothing.
They are always buying nephew toys but none our little boy. The rare times we are all together inlaws give all attention to nephew and intoned our little boy.
Last year when DS was six months we had arranged to go away with them for a week to the Peak District but due to SIL kicking up fuss that she could not cope, they only came for a night however they go away with SIL a least four weeks a year (all paid for by them) and we are never invited as again SIL hates me (My crime was marring her brother and even worse then that proving to be fertile after all)
Until now we did not give a toss but now we are starting to see the differences between inlaws treatment of our little boy and nephews already.
Maybe we are just being anal. DH has taked to his mum and dad but its a case of SIL needs them and we don't. Which is true we don't but we want our little boy to feel as close to them as nephew does and not feel left out
Tell me please if being unreasonable

OP posts:
KnittedJimmyChoos · 03/06/2014 18:47

I'm 'struggling to understand' the connection between the threads

Struggle away, I can't help you Grin

nauticant · 03/06/2014 18:47

I'm struggling to understand why the OP has to be a liar. I realise that it helps other posters in the positions they've adopted but it is rather nasty, surely?

skivingatwork · 03/06/2014 18:48

jimmychoo I don't think anyone said they were struggling to understand the meaning of "barren bitch", rather they were disbelieving incredulous that someone would say it. Hardly falls naturally off the tongue does it?

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 03/06/2014 18:48

Even Knitted doesn't know what she meant!

Moving right along then...

LtEveDallas · 03/06/2014 18:51

I'm struggling to understand why the OP must be lying too? Plenty of nasty people in the world - even baby killing nuns it seems.

DioneTheDiabolist · 03/06/2014 18:54

Your problem is your DH OP, not your SiL. If I said anything like that to my DB, he would give me a bollocking and tell me to wind my neck in. He most definitely would not be relaying that convo.

Your DH is deliberately causing ill feeling between you and his family by being a spineless, moany shit stirrer. The easiest way to resolve this OP is to tell your DH to grow a backbone and stop winding you up.

skivingatwork · 03/06/2014 18:55

No the OP doesn't have to be a liar.

I might be wrong but this thread apparently has the SIL behaving erratically throughout her life but DH vouched for her to adopt. Then when posters pointed out this curious position, the OP says the DH isn't going to vouch this time. As other posters said "have you considered this?" we discovered that the wider family dislike SIL and think she has sexual interest in DH. "Barren Bitch" is the least natural sounding insult I have heard in a long time. Adoption is notoriously difficult but somehow SS have missed all of SIL's "strangeness".

KnittedJimmyChoos · 03/06/2014 19:01

skivving

Yes.....exactly! We live in such a world of the most heinous and incredulous crimes every day, more un earthed more examples of the depravity and baseness of the human condition and here we have a SIL who seems pretty much single all her life and is 36, she is rather too fond of her brother, has displayed lots of petty jealousy, won't allow her parents to holiday with her brother bad his wife and dominates her parents and has been aggressive and rude to op...and yet...

People are struggling to believe she would utter the words Barren bitch.

I mean, I used to watch Eastenders I don't any more. Maybe Op is just trying out a new story line on us....but I can certainly imagine this as a story line in EE and I can see it being played out with the words uttered....

Accusingly in a door way....by some mealy mouth cah.

Beeyump · 03/06/2014 19:02

Started to hate the words 'struggling to understand' now Sad

Siennasun · 03/06/2014 19:02

The Barren bitch thing doesn't sound at all implausible to me and it's a bit nasty to accuse OP of being a liar without good cause.

ThaneOfScunthorpe · 03/06/2014 19:05

I just think none of it rings true. I am sure there are problems (on both sides) but I don't think we are getting the whole truth. And I usually believe everything I believe on here!

KnittedJimmyChoos · 03/06/2014 19:09

it rings very true to me, jealous sisters of brothers partners and wives is nothing knew.

Beeyump · 03/06/2014 19:10

'Also SILs and DHs aunt mentioned to my that SIL would have sexual relationship with DH if she could.
Not sure about that myself but I would not shock me if she did actually fancy DH'

I just can't quite get on board with this. struggling to believe

Siennasun · 03/06/2014 19:13

It's odd that people are focusing on that insult being implausible instead of the SIL fancying her brother. Some of the SIL stuff is quite extreme though that doesn't mean it's not true.
Of course anything and everything on here could be made up but unless you have a good reason for thinking otherwise you need to take people at their word, otherwise the forum doesn't work.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 03/06/2014 19:14

beeyump

are you joking, how old are you?

How many dils have come on here, and said they feel like their MILS would rather their child was a product of the son and daughter?

I feel it myself, my MIL always talks as if my genes have nothing to do with the baby!

Its very common.

the sil does sound odd.

Beeyump · 03/06/2014 19:14

Haha, lovely x-post there.

Siennasun · 03/06/2014 19:14

X post Smile

KnittedJimmyChoos · 03/06/2014 19:15

anything and everything on here could be made up but unless you have a good reason for thinking otherwise you need to take people at their word, otherwise the forum doesn't work

this is basic and simple stuff...its hardly way out there extraordinary claims...

Beeyump · 03/06/2014 19:15

Sorry, why are you asking how old I am?

KnittedJimmyChoos · 03/06/2014 19:18

because you dont seem to have much life experience or understanding of human family dynamics,

people on this thread who do, grasp whats going on...

isabellavine · 03/06/2014 19:21

I can certainly imagine 'barren bitch' sounding completely at home in certain regional accents (and Ireland), maybe not in the received pronunciation of London's middle classes! I've lived all over the place, and the way that insults and endearments vary with place fascinates me.

skivingatwork · 03/06/2014 19:25

Sienna the SIL fancying the DH was added in after numerous posters had suggested the OP may be being a bit unreasonable. I really don't think it's worth taking seriously.

skivingatwork · 03/06/2014 19:27

isabellavine
I can certainly imagine 'barren bitch' sounding completely at home in certain regional accents (and Ireland), maybe not in the received pronunciation of London's middle classes!

Oh if only you could hear just how far away my accent is from "RP of London's Middle Classes" Grin

Beeyump · 03/06/2014 19:27

Great powers of observation you have there, Knitted. I like that you picked up my lack of understanding of 'human (!) family dynamics' from a post which indicated I couldn't grasp the sister fancying brother thing. If that constitutes a lack of life experience, then so be it.

Beeyump · 03/06/2014 19:28

And mine, skiving!

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