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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban presents from my DDs birthday party

90 replies

Berts · 31/05/2014 11:52

Just listening to a poor woman on the radio who was considering keeping her daughter home from schoolmates' birthday parties as she is mortified she can't afford presents.

Now my own DD is hitting school age, would it be okay to send party invites that stipulate 'no gifts'?

I just think she already gets more than enough from us, GPs, etc - she wouldn't want or need anything else.

OP posts:
Mrsjayy · 31/05/2014 11:57

Yabu its a shame that woman felt like that but people like giving presents children especially nobody is looking for big gifts for parties ime but dont ban them

OxfordBags · 31/05/2014 11:58

I can see your point as an adult, but however saintly your child is, they are going to be really upset if they're the only kid who doesn't get pressies from her friends at her party, and she'll resent it when she's older. It's also not about your daughter getting gifts -it's nice for her friends to give to her, and teach them about 'better to give than to receive', etc.

It's really nice that you are worrying that there might be parents who can't afford to buy gifts for parties, but you can't make your daughter the odd one out from her peers and decide for her that she can't receive gifts from her friends just in case doing so might inadvertently put stress on an adult. It's not your responsibility or right to make your daughter sacrifice and be different due to a small theoretical risk of worry to someone else, and it's not your daughter's responsibility towards other adults.

I'm not trying to be mean about parents who can't afford gifts for other people's children; we are skint, I know all about money being tight. But please don't choose for your daughter to miss out. She's your priority.

SpringBreaker · 31/05/2014 11:59

So how will you feel when take your daughter to parties and she sees her friends getting gifts. How unfair would that be to a small child who would wonder why she doesn't get presents at her party. It's her birthday not yours, don't be so mean.

HillyHolbrook · 31/05/2014 12:01

It would be 'okay' but I bet all the other parents would think you were really mean to DD!

I wouldn't stipulate anything about gifts. Don't ask for any and don't ask people not to take any. A lot of people like giving things anyway! If we can't afford presents, we just send a card.

The woman was a bit silly to think that she should deprive her daughter of parties because she couldn't send gifts. They aren't the most important thing.

MistressDeeCee · 31/05/2014 12:03

OP don't do this please - its your DDs birthday not yours, and she will like receiving gifts. Its nice to give & receive there's nothing to be gained by moralising about it. Small gifts can be received and given. Ive never spent more than £5 on a gift for a childrens' party, similarly when my DDs were young and had parties they received small gifts too..nobody was weighing up the cost of the gifts. & even for people shallow enough to do that kind of thing - who cares. Most people are sensible enough to do what they can manage. The woman on the radio could possibly afford small gifts..parties aren't daily/weekly. Not nice at all to keep her daughter home from parties. Its about having fun and socialising, not just the gift. Too many think hard on the material aspects, but forget about the people aspect..sometimes they're the ones creating the 'big gift required' ideal for themselves

FunLovinBunster · 31/05/2014 12:03

Just write "no gifts please" on the invites.
Your child is hardly going to die of neglect if she/he fails to get a pile of the GDP of China in plastic shite for her/his birthday.
Tell the birthday child that they do not have a god given right to act entitled if they whine about it. And then give them Childline or social services number so they can complain about your failure to ensure there's wrapped offerings waiting for them on their speshul day.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2014 12:03

YABU

A big part of the fun of a Birthday party for kids, is the gifts.

I get what you're saying but where would it end?

Would you never invite one of her friends round for tea, in case the other parent can't return the invite, due to not having enough food?

These things work themselves out in the end.

magpiegin · 31/05/2014 12:03

I agree that it would be mean to deprive your daughter of gifts. Don't mention presents on the invite and let people decide.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2014 12:04

God the irony in your name FunLovinBunster Grin Grin

FunLovinBunster · 31/05/2014 12:09

"It's all about the gifts!!,"
For fucks sake it's not ALL ABOUT THE FUCKING GIFTS.
What has happened to us parents that we are too scared to say NO to our darling offspring!
We are raising a generation of entitled narcissist fuckwits.
So long as the parents and close relatives give the Entitled Birthday One a gift does it FUCKING MATTER.???
(Unless you are the CEO of the fucking toys r us Disney shite. If you are then you can fuck the actual off too)

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2014 12:11

< head tilt >

I'm sensing some angst, or is it just me? Grin

FunLovinBunster · 31/05/2014 12:11

"It would be mean to deprive your DC of gifts"
NO dear, it would be mean to deprive a DC of FOOD WATER CLEAN CLOTHES & A SAFE HOME TO LIVE IN
FFS.

Mrsjayy · 31/05/2014 12:11

Funlivingbunster you are a bundle of fun aint ya Grin

WiganandSalfordLocalEditor · 31/05/2014 12:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FunLovinBunster · 31/05/2014 12:12

Christ on a bike.

FunLovinBunster · 31/05/2014 12:15

There are lots of families struggling to keep their head above water. Buying a gift for a child that isn't there on is way down on their list of priorities.
Why are we buying gifts anyway? To please someone? To make ourselves look good? Because its the done thing??
Is it really so MEAN not to give someone a gift??

FunLovinBunster · 31/05/2014 12:15

(Sorry for typos on previous post)

magpiegin · 31/05/2014 12:15

It's not all about the presents, but it is nice to receive presents. In my opinion it would be a shame for the child not to have any presents from friends just incase someone might not be able to afford a gift.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2014 12:15

Missing birthday parties because you don't have the money for a gift, has happened since time began.

It's one of those things that's probably happened to most parents at some point, especially if the child gets invited to 2 or 3 parties in the same week.

People manage somehow OP by either limiting the amount of invites they accept, or just sending their child with a card.

It's your call though obviously.

Mrsjayy · 31/05/2014 12:16

Entitled children really maybe we should just ban birthday parties all together that would teach them to be grateful

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2014 12:17

Gift giving at Birthday parties is a tradition and one that many parents/kids enjoy.

diddl · 31/05/2014 12:18

How about you cut down on what you buy then??

Mrsjayy · 31/05/2014 12:19

You know what I think it is nice to give a present just tha nothing more,t a 5 year old likes opening a birthday present because its fun life should not all be doom and gloom and making a point, you can raise children to be empathetic understanding and kind even if they got plastic tatt at a birthday party

Nanny0gg · 31/05/2014 12:22

I think it's perfectly fine to turn up to a party with just a card - if that's your decision/you can't afford it. There should be no expectation of a present.

But I do think it's nice for children to be involved in the choosing and purchasing of presents for their friends.

So, no, don't 'ban' presents.

Mrsjayy · 31/05/2014 12:25

Exactly when mine were young and having the class party there was no expectations of gifts at all

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