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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To ban presents from my DDs birthday party

90 replies

Berts · 31/05/2014 11:52

Just listening to a poor woman on the radio who was considering keeping her daughter home from schoolmates' birthday parties as she is mortified she can't afford presents.

Now my own DD is hitting school age, would it be okay to send party invites that stipulate 'no gifts'?

I just think she already gets more than enough from us, GPs, etc - she wouldn't want or need anything else.

OP posts:

PaulinesPen · 31/05/2014 12:25

Yabvu.

nahidontthinkso · 31/05/2014 12:25

OP if you do decide to go with no gifts then i will bet my last tenner that a thread will appear on MN with a poster saying "what do i do about this cruel mother that banned presents"

Let her have gifts, there are plenty of options even for those on a low budget.

CrohnicallyHungry · 31/05/2014 12:28

Do you have a pound shop nearby? They will always have little toys, books, sweets etc. plus wrapping paper. I've given gifts bought from a charity shop before, so long as it's in good condition it's fine! There's no need to spend much. Get your child to do a home made card. Total spend about £2-3 per child.

diddl · 31/05/2014 12:33

In my day , a present was often something like crayons,colouring book, box of matesers anyway.
Perhaps the problem is more the class party culture?
Imagine if your kid got invited to 30 parties a year!

diddl · 31/05/2014 12:34

Mrsjayy · 31/05/2014 12:38

Dds used to get boxes of maltesers was the go to present so many boxes

FunLovinBunster · 31/05/2014 12:39

Some of my DDs classmates could do with a short sharp slap for their birthday. That, I think you'll find, can be given for free....

Mrsjayy · 31/05/2014 12:42

Are you normally so agressive In your thinking of little children are you always so angry oh yy to the irony of your name

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2014 12:43

Jesus FunLovin, have you had a particularly bad experience due to a young child's birthday party?

You sound so venomous.

Mrsjayy · 31/05/2014 12:49

Just seen the funster on another thread you are on a roll today , whats put you in such a foul mood

FunLovinBunster · 31/05/2014 12:49

Not venomous or aggressive, really. Just sick of the entitled attitude that pervades today's society. Sick of the culture that stops us from saying no to children just so they are not offended.

WorraLiberty · 31/05/2014 12:53

It's got nothing to do with not wishing to offend children. The OP hasn't mentioned her child's wishes either way.

It's about people wanting to uphold a very long held tradition regarding giving gifts at Birthday parties.

Some people are traditional and some aren't but it's certainly nothing to get your knickers in a knot over.

Mrsjayy · 31/05/2014 12:55

Well I know plenty of parents who are more than able to say no to their children granted some parents wont but not all of our society is entitled and spoiled yoyr negative attitude to life is really quite sad

Sundaedelight · 31/05/2014 12:56

I think FunLovinBunster is right.
It's lovely to receive gifts but the expectation and greed can be so ugly.

I think it's a great idea to say no gifts, I think DD would be so excited having fun with all her friends more.

trashcanjunkie · 31/05/2014 13:00

fgs

Mrsjayy · 31/05/2014 13:02

Oh so now its greedy to have presents

MrsWinnibago · 31/05/2014 13:03

People in my DDs class give small things. A pen with a fluffy top in a nice bag, a pencil case, a set of felt tip pens or a skipping rope were some of the things my DD recieved on her 5th birthday and she LOVED them all. There's an understanding that people do not spend more than a fiver. It's a very well off area too...kids get too much.

siiiiiiiiigh · 31/05/2014 13:03

Well, our school gate's doing a weird thing just now - clubbing together for one giant present.

Like, invite 30 kids to the softplay and get a friend to collect 30 x £10 donations...

I really can't make up my mind what I think about it.

Mostly though, I can't talk about it because my jaw's dropped on the ground.

HappyAgainOneDay · 31/05/2014 13:04

It's a long time since I held a party for my children but I think that it might be all right to put 'no gifts, please' on the invitations because you'll always find that some invitees ignore your note. They'll wrap up something that they've been dying trying to get rid of and here's an opportunity - give it to someone else!

MTWTFSS · 31/05/2014 13:04

YANBU! I want to do this one day! Our home is tiny and quite frankly I cannot fit any more stuff in!

siiiiiiiiigh · 31/05/2014 13:05

Winni - that's lovely.

The kids like opening presents, and like having lots of them, and don't much care about anything other than being centre of attention for one day.

Nothing wrong with that.

And, I, for one, would never think ill of anyone who just came along. It's a party, not an economic transaction.

MrsWinnibago · 31/05/2014 13:08

Siiiigh that's it exactly...they just like getting something wrapped up. It could be a packet of buttons for all my DD cares...she like the thought of someone taking time to make her a parcel....and that's the main attraction.

Nocomet · 31/05/2014 13:08

DCs aren't stupid, DCs of school age have a very good idea how well off or otherwise their DFs are.

They are amazingly astute, they are generally delighted with what ever gifts they do or don't get, but if mum writes 'no presents' DM will be in big trouble.

expatinscotland · 31/05/2014 13:12

Have also missed two parties recently due to NO money for a gift, and I mean, NO money (not that there is a pound shop here for many miles).

Still don't agree with banning presents.

Sundaedelight · 31/05/2014 13:17

£10 x 30! Oh my goodness. I would be so embarrassed to receive that, it's too much. I would feel mortified that parents had "spent" £10 in the first place.

It's not greedy to have presents, you have misquoted, I said that the expectation and greed can be ugly. I am sure we have all witnessed children open a carefully chosen gift only to discard it immediately and launch themselves on the next parcel.

A little more attention paid to the value of friendship rather than gifts is a good thing. Ultimately, people will make you happy not things.

I would spend no more than £5 per child although it does add up over the school year. We have no space for more stuff anyway so I would be thrilled!

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