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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ban presents from my DDs birthday party

90 replies

Berts · 31/05/2014 11:52

Just listening to a poor woman on the radio who was considering keeping her daughter home from schoolmates' birthday parties as she is mortified she can't afford presents.

Now my own DD is hitting school age, would it be okay to send party invites that stipulate 'no gifts'?

I just think she already gets more than enough from us, GPs, etc - she wouldn't want or need anything else.

OP posts:
Original poster
Berts · 31/05/2014 16:07

Oh, hello again Theodorous. You obviously do have the energy to hang around on Internet forums slagging other people off. Is this about your need to be special?

OP posts:
Theodorous · 31/05/2014 16:11

No I am not insecure about birthday presents. I happen to think that needy parents make for a sad childhood. I am allowed to think that. Get over it before you do yourself a mischief.

Original poster
Berts · 31/05/2014 16:18

You make a lot of assumptions about people you've never met: about my community involvement, or lack thereof; that I'm insecure and a bad parent; that I need everyone to think I'm marvellous.

If these assumptions reflect the way you think about other people, you are a bitter person with an ugly soul. If you want to 'put your money where your mouth is' and take practical steps to make the world a better place, start with yourself.

OP posts:
Theodorous · 31/05/2014 16:22

But I am not asking for praise am I? I am extremely comfortable with my community involvement.

KERALA1 · 31/05/2014 16:43

DD would be muchput out if an invitee didn't attend than she would be if they hadn't brought a present. She has invited 8 friends to her party and every time a text arrives that a particular guest can come she is thrilled as she wants them all there. Not coming because they couldn't afford a present would make 2 kids unhappy to save one mothers pride. Seems abit upside down to me.

GiveTwoSheets · 31/05/2014 18:46

I think MrsTerryPratchette idea is fab should I ever change my mind and throw a party for DS I will do that.

MistressDeeCee · 01/06/2014 15:34

Its a child's party fgs...why can't people just be left to buy a gift if it cost £2 or £5 £10, so what? Why do some adults have the inclination to 'overthink' this anyway. All this buy gift or not, this costs that, oh the whole class must come...its adults using a nice occasion linked to their child to foist their own wants onto child, and send out a message to others via child, too. They're children, butt out let them have their fun, bring/accept your £2 or £5 or £10 gift. Or just dont have parties, let your child invite a couple of mates and go out for tea; parties aren't compulsory. There's no need to benefit everybody with your "why I think presents are passe" wisdom.

I think just sending out invites and simply getting on with organising, politely leaving attendees/parents to decide their own contribution is going out of fashion, tbh...any and everything is used to bang a drum and make a public point nowadays, not even childrens parties are safe. Never come across this in RL tho, seems to be MN specific

usualsuspectt · 01/06/2014 15:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessBabyCat · 01/06/2014 15:58

Don't make your children a cause. Let them enjoy their parties and the presents that go with it.

You can get a lot of toys for cheap. I have a hard time imagining someone going broke from birthday parties if they're spread throughout the year. If they were all in March-May, I'd see her point.

ForeskinHyena · 01/06/2014 16:01

My dd was given a box of chocolate animal biscuits by a friend who came to her 5th bday. Probably cost £1 but she was happy with them!

To anyone who keeps their dc away from a party because they can't afford a gift, please don't. Most of us as parents completely understand if you can't afford anything. Your dc has been invited because the birthday child likes them and wants them there. Obviously all DCs love gifts, but they like friends more!

IME DCs are just as happy with some sweets or a colouring book for £1 as they are with a £5-10 gift, so you don't need to spend much at all.

If you haven't got £1 to spare then a homemade card or a 25p Tesco special would still be nice for your dc to give, so that they/you don't have to worry about arriving empty handed. But honestly, at a biggish party there are so many presents nobody is going to worry if there isn't one from everyone.

The only issue might be that I would worry that my dd has mislaid one and won't know what to thank that child for if I haven't written anything on the list from them. It might be an idea to have a quiet word and mention that money's a bit tight and you couldn't afford a gift.

No decent person could ever take offence at that and would just feel glad that your dc gets to come along and have some fun at the party if you aren't in a position to afford soft play or certain party experiences yourself.

charleneramsey · 01/06/2014 16:09

My twins have just turned 7 and I debated saying no presents for sll the above reasons. In the end I didn't. However they were honestly totally uninterested in the presents from friends. They would not have been the slightest bit disappointed not to get presents. They loved their party. They love trampolines and minecraft and books and animals and have enough stuff and don't need or want mire things.

They do however have many revolting personality traits but I think it is a myth that sll kids would be disappointed.

Laquitar · 01/06/2014 16:25

Are you going to give them a poem requesting cash instead of presents?

Please dont bring me plastic tut
My mum dislikes Poundland
You can give me cash instead
for our week in ....Dinseyland.

Imnotbeingyourbestfriendanymor · 01/06/2014 17:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FengMa · 01/06/2014 18:57

I buy multipacks of books from the Book People and give one book per party. Often works out less than 1 each. I also buy cards in bulk. Job done. Tight? Maybe. Everyone's mum has always been gracious even if they think so!

Our DCs aren't at school yet but with the possibility of being on the hook for 60 odd parties a year, you've got to be creative I guess!

OP, I think it is v thoughtful of you to think about other mums, esp if it means that they are holding children back from parties. I'm sure that, no matter what you decide re invites/presents, you'll teach that good grace to your LOs. If you are as nice and approachable in RL at the gates, perhaps the mums who find it a bit of a pinch will still feel comfortable to buy a modest gift or turn up empty handed, even without a no gift policy.

DogCalledRudis · 02/06/2014 15:23

I think its a load of tosh. You can get pretty good gifts that don't cost more than a fiver. A book, a dvd, a small toy, a set of pencils, you don't have to buy gold

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