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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stand up for my son?

101 replies

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2014 20:19

DS2, aged 5. Took him to a swing park today and he was on the swings going really high, happy as Larry. A toddler- I'd say between 2 and 3- ran in front of the swing and to his dismay was walloped as my son hit her. Her mum runs over when she hears the screams and shouts at my son about being 'careful when there are little one's around'. I told her it was her responsibility, not Ds.

OP posts:

thegreylady · 29/05/2014 20:22

No ones fault really and certainly not your son's.

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2014 20:22

I know I was right, just venting really. What was she thinking?

OP posts:

annielouise · 29/05/2014 20:22

Yanbu. I expect she had a fright and lashed out but what on earth was your DS supposed to do? You can't stop a swing mid flight. It's one of those things you see happening but can't do anything to stop it. The mother should have been looking after her toddler round the swings.

Billygoats · 29/05/2014 20:24

She probably felt guilty she didn't look out for her own child. Ignore her she was being unreasonable.

LEMmingaround · 29/05/2014 20:26

I hope the little girl was ok, they move quickly at that age.

Wolfiefan · 29/05/2014 20:26

Not sure what she expected your DC to do? Where was she? Could you have grabbed toddler?

RabbitSaysWoof · 29/05/2014 20:27

She was unreasonable. Obviously out of fear.
I hate swings my ds tries to bolt towards them too.

BravePotato · 29/05/2014 20:28

Yabu to show no concern for the toddler.

Yes the other mum's responsibility, but what a way to reply.

monkeymamma · 29/05/2014 20:30

Maybe I'll think differently when my son gets to 5. But when you have a toddler older children seem much older and bigger than your own and I'd have probably reacted similarly. In the calm light of day I can appreciate that a 5yo is too wee to be responsible but shouldn't you have been watching out for littler ones and maybe stopped the swing when you saw the toddler run over? As mum of a two year old I have to say although I try really hard not to let him run past swings but sometimes they do slip through and I'm endlessly grateful to parents who do say to their kids 'careful, mind the little boy' etc.

When I was about 5 I slid down the slide and ploughed into the back of another little girl. My dad was cross and told me to be more careful next time, pointed out to me the girl was actually really upset. I was upset at being told off, yes, but I did learn to be more careful and more aware of others, actually a pretty important lesson and not one that a 5yo is necessarily too young to learn.

BackforGood · 29/05/2014 20:31

She'd had a fright and was lashing out - it wasn't your ds's fault, but no need to make a thing of it, these things happen.

hazeyjane · 29/05/2014 20:33

Monkey, I think at 5 it is likely the op's ds was pushing the swing himself, rather than being pushed, so difficult for the op to be looking out for younger ones. My ds would be very likely to just walk in front of a swing, and get whacked, so I follow him around and stop him walking in front of the swing, as that is my responsibility.

PourquoiTuGachesTaVie · 29/05/2014 20:36

Ds likes to bolt in front of moving swings and even when you're a foot away from your dc they can move quite fast so we've had near misses but I'd never blame the child in the swing.

But if I was pushing ds in the swing I'd also be ready to grab the swing should I see any likely collisions about to occur.

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2014 21:26

I wasn't pushing the swing, he was doing it himself. I can't believe anyone would expect a parent to be on the lookout for racing toddlers, and be in a position to stop the swing just in case. My three children were all fast and wild but they didnt get hit by swings because I stopped them. I didnt take my eyes off them until I had evaluated the risks.
No, I am afraid I didnt show sympathy to the toddler, I was too busy comforting my son whowas shocked and mortified at a bray posh woman shreiking at him.

OP posts:

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2014 21:27

braying

OP posts:

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2014 21:29

Also, the reason she didnt see was because she was chatting to a gruop of mums. Her child had been wandering off a lot I observed.

OP posts:

BlondieBrownie · 29/05/2014 21:30

It's the other mums fault, it is not your responsibility to look out for other peoples children it is their own and she failed at doing that.

I hope the little girl was okay but I would have said something to the Mum if she said anything to my DS when he was on the swing.

What was she thinking?

Minnieisthedevilmouse · 29/05/2014 21:32

Her toddler. Her issue. She should be following round a park. This a bloody obvious accident that's very likely to occur.

Yanbu. She's stupid.

MintyChops · 29/05/2014 21:32

She should have kept her own DC under control/ safe. Not your DS's fault and she had a bloody nerve suggesting otherwise. Silly woman.

wheresthelight · 29/05/2014 21:33

Yadnbu!!! You are not responsible for other people's kids and frankly 2-3 is old enough to be taught not to run in front of a swing!

She was well out of order but am guessing that she reacted out of fright rather than rational thought so perhaps cut her a bit of slack?

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2014 21:33

Thanks.I can't believe monkey and potato. Only on mumsnet

OP posts:

MrsWinnibago · 29/05/2014 21:36

Monkey no. It is the PARENT'S job to oversee "little ones" on playgrounds. Everyone knows they don't have the sense to avoid a swing going full pelt!

Parent's of toddlers don't get to relax while their baby runs around and everyone else micro manages their child for the sake of the small ones!

RiverTam · 29/05/2014 21:40

this drives me nuts. The playground I go to most has a blue area painted around the swings. Me and the friend I go there with the most have, from early days, taught our two DC not to go on the blue area without us. They are older now (4) and can navigate more carefully but we still keep a close eye on them if someone else is on one of the swings.

I can't tell you the number of times I have been pushing DD hard and high on the swing and parents have allowed their DC to get really close. I would feel really shit if the swing I'm pushing smashes your child in the face, but you had better take fucking responsibility if that does happen. I once really put my back out grabbing the swing mid-flight as a toddler ambled over and I did treat that parent to a death-glare.

RiverTam · 29/05/2014 21:41

also, a friend with older DC told me that she felt (and I agree) that it's for the parents of the younger ones to supervise rather than the older, who can and should be allowed to be more independent.

Poppet1974 · 29/05/2014 21:42

monkeymama It's not the responsibility of the Op, it's the toddler's parents who should be watching them! If the toddler 'slips through' whilst the mother is engrossed in conversation then it's absolutely her fault. She had a right nerve to say anything to the Op's son.
Op you did the right thing!

pictish · 29/05/2014 21:42

Monkey all I can say to you is that you will look back on your post there when your child is 5, and wonder what the hell you were talking about.

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