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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To stand up for my son?

101 replies

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2014 20:19

DS2, aged 5. Took him to a swing park today and he was on the swings going really high, happy as Larry. A toddler- I'd say between 2 and 3- ran in front of the swing and to his dismay was walloped as my son hit her. Her mum runs over when she hears the screams and shouts at my son about being 'careful when there are little one's around'. I told her it was her responsibility, not Ds.

OP posts:
pictish · 29/05/2014 21:47

Parents of toddlers don't get to relax while their baby runs around and everyone else micro manages their child for the sake of the small ones!

Well quite.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 29/05/2014 21:47

I remember actually doing that when I was younger, in the kiddie area of a pub, some stupid parents had let their 2 old child wander outside alone. He wandered out infront of me, I couldnt stop myself. I got the blame for it.

LucilleBluth · 29/05/2014 21:47

YANBU.....and...I hate to say it but in my experience as the mother of two DSs (and a DD) mums of girls aren't all that forgiving of little boys.............runs and hides

LucilleBluth · 29/05/2014 21:48

Strike out fail ;)

FunkyBoldRibena · 29/05/2014 21:50

Yes - why didn't your son immediately stop gravity until the girl had gone. Shameful of him.

Wink
Hakluyt · 29/05/2014 21:53

"I was too busy comforting my son whowas shocked and mortified at a bray posh woman shreiking at him"

How odd. I thought you were reasonable, if a bit harsh until I read that. Now? Not so much.

whois · 29/05/2014 22:22

Yes - why didn't your son immediately stop gravity until the girl had gone. Shameful of him.

Exactly!

Other mother was a bitch.

Mrsfrumble · 29/05/2014 22:33

My son ran in front of a swing when he was about 18 months old and got walloped in the side of the head - he slipped his hand out of mine and bolted before I could stop him. The little boy in the swing was about 5 and utterly mortified. I felt terrible for him and kept trying to explain that it wasn't his fault that DS was hurt. I think I spent more time comforting him than I did DS!

Other mother was daft. She should have taken the opportunity to talk to her daughter about the dangers of running in front of swings!

Original poster
mrsruffallo · 29/05/2014 22:46

Mrs Frumble- that's sweet. I think I would have done the same in that situation!

Lucille Bluth- I must say I agree. I have two older children, a boy and a girl and there is definitely a difference in response.
Some mothers grabbed their toddlers off the roundabout when DS started to spin it fast, for example. He was there first and had been playing alone, seeing how fast he could spin it!!

OP posts:
Original poster
mrsruffallo · 29/05/2014 22:51

Hakluyt- How am I harsh? What do you want be to do, breakdown in tears?

OP posts:
saintlyjimjams · 29/05/2014 22:56

An accident, if fault to be assigned it was the other mother's fault for not supervising closely enough.

Joules68 · 29/05/2014 22:57

The other mother is clearly at fault. Hope she is 'revisiting' the incident tonight and having strong words with herself

Mrsfrumble · 29/05/2014 23:28

Mrsruffallo - the poor little lad was frozen in the swing with horror and his little lip was trembling. His mum was fussing over my DS and checking he wasn't seriously hurt while I was crouching in front of the boy saying "don't cry sweetheart, it wasn't your fault"!

I don't see how you can swing carefully. You're either swinging or you're not Confused I do like the idea of a painted 'danger area' around the swings. I have crap spatial awareness and screech at mine whenever they go within about 15 feet of an occupied swing, so a visible danger zone would save my nerves!

Wolfiefan · 29/05/2014 23:38

My DD is only 4. I stand by the swings and watch whilst she's on there. I nearly grabbed a passing toddler the other day but his mother was right there with him! You have to look after your own kids in a playpark but if I saw a kid heading for a potentially serious accident then I'd try and prevent it.

arkestra · 29/05/2014 23:47

I remember having to slam my arm across my 4-year old as she reached the bottom of a slide, to stop her booting the heck out of a wandering 2 year old whose mother seemed more interested in chatting with her mates than keeping her eye on. The mother reacted to the near collision as if it were our fault! YADNBU. The other mum sounds like a numpty.

Lanabelle · 29/05/2014 23:55

Your son probably taught her kid a lesson, not to run in front of the swings, sometimes I think parents mollycoddle too much these days but not you or your sons fault

brighteyedbusytailed · 30/05/2014 00:00

The other mother probably lashed out in embarrassment, I hope your DS and the toddler are ok, ...Once a 16 year old lass went straight into my then 2 year old who dashed off, I initially picked up my son to comfort him,and started walking off ....I could hear her laughing at my hysterical 2 year old,...one of the very few times ive really wanted to hurt someone. .sorry I digress ..brought it back up for me

shockinglybadteacher · 30/05/2014 00:05

Not in the slightest BU mrsruffallo. That child ran in front of a swing and your kid is presumably not psychic. Also, does not possess antigravitational powers.

Small children do not have an adult understanding. It's a bit daft for someone to expect that a 5 yo happily swinging will be completely aware of all toddlers in his or her area and force him or herself to stop if they get too close.

What I also don't get is people who say "You should have seen my child was nearby!" No, pal, that was your job.

odyssey2001 · 30/05/2014 00:27

To be honest, I don't think anyone is at fault. Certainly not you or you son. But I don't think it was the other mum's fault either. We cannot and should not watch our children for every second - they need to learn independence and self-sufficiency.

As has been said, the walloped child will have learned a lesson. The other mother only reacted that way because she felt guilty. She is still unreasonable for taking it out on a child though.

Jynxed · 30/05/2014 00:44

I had a very similar incident recently. A little boy cycling fast down a small lane smashed into the back of our parked car. I was picking the boy up and checking him over (unhurt but shocked and tearful) when his mum ran over and screamed at me for running him down. I wasn't even in the car! Made me bloody annoyed to be accused of something so dreadful when Iwas trying to help, and no apology when the boy confirmed he had cycled into the back of a stationary car.

Nanny0gg · 30/05/2014 00:49

We cannot and should not watch our children for every second - they need to learn independence and self-sufficiency

But when they're too young to understand hazards and danger it is our responsibility to watch out for them.
A toddler has little or no concept of speed, or what damage a flying kick to the side of the head can do.

It would absolutely be that parent's fault if there'd been an accident.

You think a toddler should be left to their own devices in a busy playground? Really?

saintlyjimjams · 30/05/2014 06:33

they need to learn independence and self-sufficiency

Yes when it is safe & appropriate for them to do so - not at 2 in a busy playground next to swings. FWIW I still watch my 15 year old when we are out - I do not take my eyes off him and if it is busy I hold onto him - because his learning disabilities mean he needs that level of supervision.

Anyway of you think that it's appropriate to leave a 2 year old to wander off in front of swings then you can't really whinge when another child bashes into him - presumably he'll learn to be independent & self sufficient by occasionally being knocked out.

maddening · 30/05/2014 06:55

Yanbu - a 2 or even 3 year old you have to stay with in a busy park if she can't ve arsed to be a parent it is her choice and responsibilit.

And she wasn't showing concern for her own child by screaming at a five year old - a 2 year old is hardly going to be comforted and probably more scared .

AllAboveBroad · 30/05/2014 07:09

Other mother was embarrassed that her lazy parenting had a consequence this time. Yanbu and shouldn't spend any more time worrying about it. Hopefully other mother will be more aware next time and, as much of a shock as it was for her, the toddler may also learn a lesson too.

Delphiniumsblue · 30/05/2014 07:14

AllAboveBroad is right. The other mother knows it was her fault but she was worried and won't do it again. Stop worrying about it- accidents happen.

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