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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To stand up for my son?

101 replies

mrsruffallo · 29/05/2014 20:19

DS2, aged 5. Took him to a swing park today and he was on the swings going really high, happy as Larry. A toddler- I'd say between 2 and 3- ran in front of the swing and to his dismay was walloped as my son hit her. Her mum runs over when she hears the screams and shouts at my son about being 'careful when there are little one's around'. I told her it was her responsibility, not Ds.

OP posts:

MrsWedgeAntilles · 30/05/2014 10:54

My wee boy was hit by a swing while in the care of my DH. I went through my DH but I would never have thought to shout at the wee guy on the swing.
In fact the only reason I didn't lose it completely with DH is because he was totally beside himself at the thought of upsetting the other child and his mum.
Like PPs, I get a bit annoyed with people who think they can just let their kids run free and assume someone else will look out for them.

WorraLiberty · 30/05/2014 11:00

It's an awful thing to have happened. I hope the toddler is ok?

It really was down to the other Mum to supervise her own child though

I know she was in a play park but everyone knows there are dangers, that lurk...such as running in front of the swings, or finding your clumsy footed toddler climbing halfway up the steps of the biggest slide.

They need to be watched closely even though they are playing.

HayDayQueen · 30/05/2014 11:20

Oh Gawd, I remember one of these incidents. It was my 4 year old who stepped in front of a swing and got whacked. Fortunately it was the baby swings so no harm done.

The other mother looked so worried, I was just so instinctively cross with my DS who KNEW better that I told him off rather than comfort him, until I caught myself....

Was holding onto my 1 year old at the time.

There was a time I just flatly refused to go to large, busy playgrounds with 2 DC because of this VERY reason. You can't keep a close on 2 DC easily.

RiverTam · 30/05/2014 12:43

actually, I think the baby swings are more of a danger as they are far heavier and bulkier than the 'grown-up' swings, and a stray child is more likely to be hit by the swing rather than the legs of the child in it. In our park there are only baby swings, so they often have 4/5 year olds in them - that's quite a weight swinging through the air.

slightlyconfused85 · 30/05/2014 13:03

My toddler DD ran out in front of a swing recently and got walloped. I was upset for her as it obviously hurt a bit, but frankly it was my fault as I didn't stop her. Not your fault, the mum was probably just worried and lashed out. Forget it.

BackforGood · 30/05/2014 13:12

However, I do think your indignation at this is somewhat misplaced

Some mothers grabbed their toddlers off the roundabout when DS started to spin it fast, for example. He was there first and had been playing alone, seeing how fast he could spin it!!

My dc would always be reminded that they needed to be gentle if a toddler approached the roundabout - give them a gentle ride, then they'll soon lose interest and toddle off, and then you can go fast again. Your indignation is just encouraging selfishness IMO.

Gileswithachainsaw · 30/05/2014 13:16

Yanbu!! How's a kid meant to stop a swing instantly? Their feet barely teach the ground at five. Can't exactly stop mid air can they.

She was in the wrong for blaming you when she should be watching her kid

Igggi · 30/05/2014 13:20

You are being reasonable about the swings, and unreasonable about the roundabout.

FrenchJunebug · 30/05/2014 13:26

sorry to disagree with most of you but we live in a community (not a bublle) and as such you should have regards for other children. Just saying 'not your fault but the mother's' is horrible, basically saying not my problem. When my child is on the swing I make sure he is careful but also warn other children around.

RiverTam · 30/05/2014 14:08

sure, but at the end of the day if the child needs to be grabbed before hurtling into danger's path, their own parent is surely best placed to do that, are they not? Like I said upthread, I put my back up having to grab the swing mid-flight when an unsupervised toddler came too close. I only have one pair of eyes and in the playground my eyes are on my child, I certainly don't expect other parents to have to stop watching their own DC to watch mine. What you are suggesting is that no-one should use the swings if another child is around in case you (rather than their own parent) have to move them out of the way. That's ridiculous.

Hakluyt · 30/05/2014 16:16

Accidents happen. Why does anyone have to be blamed, or shouted at or anything? Nobody deliberately puts their child in front of a swing-nobody deliberately pushes a swing into another child. Even "posh braying mums"

The proper response is concern all round, cuddles, apologies, possibly ice creams and move on.

Vintagejazz · 30/05/2014 16:21

YANBU. Yes accidents happen, but the other mum should not have shouted at your child. She probably did it because she got a fright, but it was still wrong and she should have apologised afterwards. Hopefully she realised, when she went home, that she'd been in the wrong and felt bad.

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 30/05/2014 22:49

How unreasonable about the roundabout?

OP posts:

Igggi · 30/05/2014 23:22

Because you should have encouraged your ds to go more carefully when smaller children were on it, whether he was on first or not.

RiverTam · 30/05/2014 23:24

with the roundabout I think that once younger children had got on it your DS should have stopped trying to spin it as fast as he could - fair enough when he was the only one using it but once toddlers had got on he (or you) should have understood that they might not want to go so fast. I think that's fair enough, a roundabout is a communal play item unlike a swing.

PrincessBabyCat · 30/05/2014 23:35

Yeah, I would have lost sympathy for the toddler the second the mother starting screaming at my child, and told her where she stood too.

If she was truly concerned she would have kept an eye on her. You watch your kids near the road. You watch your kids near the swings. You watch your kids near strange dogs.

Sometimes parents slip, but they can't blame anyone but themselves, and certainly not a 5 year old.

NoodleOodle · 30/05/2014 23:43

YANBU. Everyone knows that the rule is to not walk by the swings, rather than to have a magic stop-swing button.

FunnyFoot · 30/05/2014 23:49

The roundabout is a ride that can be shared by others. Meaning your child should have not 'taken' it over for his own enjoyment and you should have explained to him that it should be shared and there for all to enjoy. YWBU to allow your child to push it faster therefore causing concern for the other children's safety by their mothers to the point where they removed them.

I was with you on your first post but I have lost respect for you regarding your entitled view that your child was there first on the roundabout. Ridiculous attitude OP.

Morloth · 30/05/2014 23:56

DS2 got wiped out by a swing the other day.

He learned an important physics lesson and also that listening to your mother is sometimes a good idea.

Sometimes the little ones need to keep out of the way of the big ones.

If there was a bigger kid going fast on a roundabout. I would tell my kids they either wait for them to finish or they can jump on but not complain

Igggi · 31/05/2014 00:01

Morality, wiped out makes it sounds like he was killed - a bit of a harsh lesson!

Igggi · 31/05/2014 00:01

Morloth, damned autocorrect nonsense

Original poster

mrsruffallo · 31/05/2014 20:52

Sorry, I don't think I made it clear, DS was on the roundabout first- alone for ages.

OP posts:

swampytiggaa · 31/05/2014 21:02

My smallest didn't walk till she was two. She went from non walking to speedy bolter overnight.

I was in the play area with my older children and some friends when she ran in front of a swinging swing. I raced after her shouting and she fell. I think I scared her into tripping up tbh.

I picked her up and apologised to the child on the swing for scaring her. It wasn't her fault and she looked shaken. I checked smallest over for injury then went back again to check that the girl on the swing was OK.

I had underestimated how quickly my child could move as the little horror had been non mobile two days earlier.

5madthings · 31/05/2014 21:07

So he had been on it first alone for ages, even more reason to say 'you have had lots of time to go fast, now slow down a bit so the little ones can play too' a roundabout is a toy designed for multiple users and it's only nice to slow down a bit if little ones want a turn. They would prob soon want to go off to something else and then your ds could go fast again.

So swing Yanbu, roundabout yabu!

FunnyFoot · 31/05/2014 21:08

Mrs You made that clear but being on the roundabout first does not give him the right to spin it so fast others couldn't use it. It is a shared apparatus not like a swing. Plus he may have been on his own at one point but once others came to play then the roundabout was no longer his.

Would you say that it was right if your son was running up the slide which stopped others using it just because he was there first?

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