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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Bringing a friend along

89 replies

Verycold · 26/05/2014 21:23

Have arranged a meeting with three friends plus dc for Thursday this week. Now one friend has asked if she can bring another friend along, one none of us knows. Aibu to be less than enthusiastic about it? IMO it changes the whole dynamic of the get together?

OP posts:
spottydolphin · 26/05/2014 21:24

Yabu don't be mean!

selsigfach · 26/05/2014 21:26

YABU - unless it's your special birthday meal or something. Perhaps the other lady is new to the area or feeling down and needing to get out of the house? Go with it, you never know, you might end up making a great new friend.

CoffeeTea103 · 26/05/2014 21:27

Yanbu, I can't stand when people do this. It's rude, awkward when people don't know each other and especially when you don't meet too often you just want to catch up.

TheScience · 26/05/2014 21:29

YABU if it's just a day out with kids. The more the merrier surely? It's not like bringing a random along to a dinner party.

BobPatandIgglePiggle · 26/05/2014 21:29

Yabu you might get along really well. The more the merrier I say

sooperdooper · 26/05/2014 21:30

Yabu, it's only a mid week get together and a friend if a friend is likely to be the kind of person you'll all get along with, don't be so unfriendly

WorraLiberty · 26/05/2014 21:32

Yabu, it's just a day out with the kids and this woman is obviously at a loose end.

It wouldn't kill you to welcome her along.

RandomMess · 26/05/2014 21:32

I would say yes, that's how you make more friends!

Tweasels · 26/05/2014 21:35

You are being very unreasonable. It could be a great opportunity to meet someone fantastic. Surely this is how people make friends Confused

msrisotto · 26/05/2014 21:35

Yabu, you might make a new friend.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 26/05/2014 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Justtoobad · 26/05/2014 21:39

Unless it's your treat and you're paying for everyone then more the merrier, and can I come I'm a bit bored that day.
You're more than welcome to come to mine for tea and cake Smile

ExitPursuedByABear · 26/05/2014 21:39

Let her in.

TakeMeUpTheNorthMountain · 26/05/2014 21:42

God let her. She might be desperately lonely and could be a lovely person.

I would love some friends.

Montegomongoose · 26/05/2014 21:56

Please don't let on to her you feel like this. I've spent my life moving countries and I am always so grateful to be invited along to meet new people, and this is exactly the sort of thing really kind people say

"I'm meeting some friends on Wednesday, do you want to come along?"

And often I say yes please and get really excited and look forward to it. It might be you one day who needs an invitation . And if not, thank your lucky stars. Because it gets bloody lonely always being the outsider.

DoJo · 26/05/2014 23:16

The friend might not be a 'she', just in case we accidentally gender stereotype someone - I'm on the fence on the actual issue, but thought it was telling that everyone assumed it was another woman. (Is it OP?!)

Trills · 26/05/2014 23:18

Depends on the nature of the event. Some types of thing it's reasonable to assume that you can bring someone along, others it's less reasonable.

Susyb30 · 26/05/2014 23:25

Yabu. Why on earth would you be miffed at this? All sounds very playground ish (if you get my drift). Thats how you make new friends! Be warm and welcome her, your not school girls. She may be a bit nervous about meeting you all. Just be friendly and include her..and have a great day! Its always great to meet new friends!

confusion77 · 26/05/2014 23:32

Hmm i don't know. If it was a rare catch up with good/old friends, I would be annoyed. If its a coffee with friends you see regularly then no, not annoyed.

Original poster
Verycold · 26/05/2014 23:33

We only get together twice a year or so.

OP posts:
vvviola · 26/05/2014 23:35

This is the way I met some of my dearest friends. When I had just had DD1, all my close friends were at a totally different stage of life and a few couldn't handle the idea of a baby, so I was at home, lonely and isolated.

Two old acquaintances (one of whom had sent me a lovely congratulations card when she heard I was pregnant, when most of my other friends were still being quite negative about it, or reacting with shock) invited me along to a get-together with a group of friends and their kids.

That morning was the first time in ages I'd had adult conversation with anyone who wasn't my DH or DM. They even held fractious DD so I could finish my tea (I discovered later that was a "rule" at the get togethers, if someone was having a hard time with their DC, those who were having an easier time would hold/change/rock the DC so the Mum could get a snack and a hot drink in peace.

If I hadn't been welcomed in by these people, I would have had a very miserable time. They're all on the other side of the world to me now and I miss them terribly.

So unless there's a big emotional discussion you were planning to have, or it's a special occasion, I'd always go with "the more the merrier" personally.

gamerchick · 26/05/2014 23:37

But that's how people make friends, you can accommodate one more surely?

WorraLiberty · 26/05/2014 23:37

The friend might not be a 'she', just in case we accidentally gender stereotype someone - I'm on the fence on the actual issue, but thought it was telling that everyone assumed it was another woman. (Is it OP?!)

Why would it matter?

Whoever it is, they are a friend of one of the OP's friends who wants to invite her friend along.

Alisvolatpropiis · 26/05/2014 23:40

Yanbu - that kind of thing does make things awkward.

wafflyversatile · 26/05/2014 23:42

I was going to join the YABU chorus but if it's only a couple of times a year catch up then I am more sympathetic to your plight.