Bringing a friend along

[Verycold]

Have arranged a meeting with three friends plus dc for Thursday this week. Now one friend has asked if she can bring another friend along, one none of us knows. Aibu to be less than enthusiastic about it? IMO it changes the whole dynamic of the get together?

If you only get together a couple of times a year I can understand that you feel that your meet-ups are precious, but do you think any of the existing group are likely to cross paths with the new person in everyday life afterwards? If so, I'd say it's a good way to meet new people (for you, the new person, and the kids).

I agree with the poster who says that presumably your friend has thought carefully before inviting her, and decided that for whatever reason (she'll fit in, she needs new friends, she needs a day out ...) it will be OK.

I used to meet up with a friend and her new friends. They spent most of the time discussing events I had not been to and people I did not know.

I felt very out of the loop and slowly stepped back. She is definitely the more the merrier type and lives to meet new people.

I much prefer meeting friends on a one to one basis for a proper catch up rather than on the surface banter.

My experience is that some people do not think at all carefully before inviting someone else along.

YANBU because its a rare catch up with particular friends.

If it were a regular thing, YABU not to share a regular social event.

YANBU. Definitely. A catch up with old friends you see maybe twice a year tends to have a specific dynamic that can leave a new person feeling very much on the outside.

Totally different from, say, a group of mums who get together for a coffee every other Tuesday. Then I would have said maybe YABU.

If it's a meet up with DC then I think YABU because you probably won't get that much actual 'deep and meaningful' conversation anyway. The best outcome is your kids love his person's kids and you don't hear a peep out of them all day. When the DC are there I must admit I'd give far less thought to dynamics than a dinner party for 6.

Yabu... 3's a crowd! Make it 4

Absolutely with MontegoMongoose, Worra and Gamer - (plus everyone else saying similar)!

It would be so lovely if you could welcome this new friend along. Maybe she's down in the dumps and needs cheering up, maybe just left work and doesn't have a "Mum's" network of friends, possibly new to the area. Imagine yourself in that situation, wouldn't you be delighted to be invited along to meet new people? She's probably also feeling pretty nervous about it, so try to welcome her nicely, I'd say.

It's hardly going to spoil your lunch date, is it?

Openup - I can absolutely understand that, but it is nice to be given the chance, isn't it? If no-one was ever invited anywhere, not many people would ever make new friends.

If you go along and then decide it's not for you, then that's fine, try something else and another group of people. Shame to be left out "just in case" no one likes you.

When I first moved to this area many years ago, I knew absolutely no-one, was totally on my own. The friends I made in those early weeks/months are still my good friends now - they were kind enough to take me under their wing and luckily we all liked each other (and still do)!

Op - I get that you're concerned that the vibe will be different, but obviously at least 25% of your group of mates doesn't care at all whether it's the exclusive 4 or the exclusive 4 plus 1. In fact, she actively wants a new person there! I reckon go for it - maybe your group will become a group of 5 mates instead.

I think it depends. In certain circumstances, a casual meet-up in the pub which is on a regular basis, for instance, I would say it's fine to bring along a new person.
But I think this scenario is different. It's a group of long-standing, close friends who have a regular get-together where they will presumably reminisce, share old jokes, talk in a kind of abbreviated short-hand code that only really good mates do, and therefore a new person will totally alter the dynamic. They're going to conscious that this person won't know who they're talking about, or that old jokes might have to be explained, or they might be accused of leaving her out of things if they want to discuss topics/memories she doesn't know about. Or maybe not, but I can understand why the OP would prefer not. Or at least, to be asked if anyone minds.

I had a party on Thursday night ( there was a panic thread by me about it because I'd forgotten !). I hadn't seen most of my friends there in 12 months ( since my last birthday) lots of messages had flown to everyone saying how much they were looking forward to the night and having a good catch up.

Two of the women brought a friend along who I'd never met.
We just drank moijtos and got to know each other. My other friends explained some of our old jokes and it was really nice.

I've exchanged details with them and hope to see them again at the next party.

Everyone was happy, the dynamic wasn't broken and we had a great time. They were thoughtful enough to buy me a nice present which was kind!

A party is a different dynamic to a small group of friends.

Ok I called it a party. It was a small gathering of friends I haven't seen in a year.

Same difference.