AIBU to move my daughter out of her double ensuite bedroom into box room for gross untidiness?

[Incandescentrage]

We built an extension 3 years ago, and incorporated 2 double ensuite rooms for our daughters (yep, lucky them). Both are untidy buggers but I can expect that (I was as a teenager) but one is worse than the other, i.e. constantly spills tea on the bed, leaves yoghurt pots under the bed, dirty laundry everywhere, it's manky. But despite begging, asking, shouting etc for her to keep it tidy she won't. I had got to the point where I figured she has to live in it, I don't, just don't go in there. Last weekend my husband noticed that she had gone out and left her bathroom light on and fan going in the middle of the day, so he went in to switch them off. There were used sanitary towels on the bed and in the bathroom sink, yoghurt pots, cereal bowls and mugs scattered liberally about, clothes everywhere, mostly dirty, and the toilet was blocked. The toilet blockage had been so for several days by the state of it, but she had continued to use it, it was full to the brim, took us two hours to unblock it, which involved putting my arm in it away past the elbow to try to shift the blockage, as well as my dh having to faff about with the cesspit.

AIBU to be moving all her stuff into the box room today as a punishment (which has been threatened for the last 3years)?

You know your own child and i think some of the posts about self harm, cries for help and possible mental health problems are a big leap when it could be just possible that she's a lazy git who is rather spoilt, like many other teenagers!

Sounds like you are tackling it the right way OP.
And at least with the box room she has less space for creating mess. Is her personal hygene okay otherwise? Does she wash and shower regularly? Talk to her more about the disposal of sanitary stuff and how she can't expect her stepdad to clean that up.

I lived with plenty of grossly untidy students in my youth - you couldn't even push open doors to their rooms for the crap piled high on the floor. They all got decent degrees and responsible jobs and were happy and healthy - just annoyingly untidy!

I know my dd. She's a happy, chatty, confident teenager, who is excelling at school and has a solid circle of friends. She is not depressed. She is a lazy teenager who quite frankly is a spoilt little madam

My DM could have written that about my twin sister. Also bulimic. Also desperately 'untidy'.

It did not end well. If only she had seen what the chaos hid.

How can you say your daughter is happy and confident if you also believe she is bulimic? I urge you to ignore the Martha Stewart j-cloth brigade here and deal with it before it gets worse.

Am hiding this thread now. In the meantime, I wish you enlightenment and happiness to your DD.

My 20-year old DD is exactly the same and I'm afraid I have no useful advice except to detach. It seems very common - lots of similar threads on here. I've given up trying to get my DD to sort out her mess. If she wants to live in a shit tip, it's up to her. What baffles me though, is she's meticulous about personal cleanliness and her appearance. I'm hoping when she eventually moves out she'll take more pride in her own place and appreciate a bit more what she had here!

I understand why some of you say be understanding, it's a cry for help, she has MH issues, but I know my dd. She's a happy, chatty, confident teenager, who is excelling at school and has a solid circle of friends. She is not depressed. She is a lazy teenager who quite frankly is a spoilt little madam

Erm.. You just said earlier:

I have worried about bulimia with her, she has been a secret eater for years. I have tried to not make a big deal out of it, in the hope she would grow out of it.

It can't be both.

You did the right thing though, even if she does have MH problems doesn't mean she can have that level of mess. Just understand that it could be a symptom of something else.

My mother still insists that I'm NT don't have any LD's even after I told her about hours of testing which have physical scores I could refer her to, and that the doctors will just diagnose me because they want to make money. I've told her I have LD's and a generalized anxiety disorder co-morbidly and she insists that I just have PTSD and that I just want the LD's so I don't have to admit that. Clearly the MH doctors misdiagnosed me on the GAD too. I could pull my hair out at the stupidity of it some days.

Anyway, just because you think she's happy and well adjusted doesn't mean there isn't something else going on. There could be. There may not be. But at least be open to the possibility of it and take her to the GP and address your concerns about her eating. Not saying anything isn't going to help her.

She sounds dirty and very lazy, and she behaves like this because she can. If you have threatened to move her out of her bedroom you must do it. Ban food and drink from the room, and make her clean out her old bedroom herself. Then sit down and talk and see if there are any problems that might have contributed to this. Chronic untidiness is one thing, but blocked loos and discarded sanitary towels are disgusting.

How about actual days for cleaning her bedroom. Say Sat morning. She has to do it then and can't go on her phone, internet or out until it's done.
You have to supervise of course and check on her every 15-20 min.
If you carry on like that for few weeks she will be able to readjust and make sure she isn't loosing her privileges.

To start with it will take her forever but after few weeks she will speed up to the poing when she will be tidying up after herself every day.

I was a happy bubbly 16 who had clinical depression that my parents knew nothing about.
I still think youre right though op. you cant let that go.
i would be able to let a bit of a mess go and tea spillages go as im untidy and very clumsy but the rest just no.
I knew somebody who left used sanitary protection around and she did not have mental health problems, jyst couldnt be bothered to put it in bin in night.
Boak.

Another one with a revolting teen DD.

After years of nagging though and agreeing to redecorate and get some furniture of her choice provided she tidies up things have improved a lot. Also there have been a couple,of months where I have not given her her allowance which helped focus her mind !

I would have moved her room as well but I wonder if you need to pursue this as the toilet thing is quite weird...