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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be furious at swimming pool regulars who think they own the bloody pool. To the point of kicking a disabled child?

315 replies

Sneezecakesmum · 24/05/2014 13:40

Dont know who I am angrier with. Myself or the middle aged woman swimming in the local pool apparently doing her daily 50 lengths of breast stroke, when we (the interlopers) dared to be in her way and which gave her the right to kick a 5 year old disabled boy in the chest!

FFS she came up behind us so definitely saw us. I was holding a child festooned in buoyancy aids, (so both arms needed) and facing away from her so I didnt see her. The first thing I knew she kicked/or hit me lightly then with the next stroke kicked out strongly and I felt the childs body rock against me. Luckily he is a tough nut and just looked a bit shocked.

AIBU to want to rip her fucking head off? No apology, no acknowledgement despite being fully aware she hit us!

I just stood there like a wimp feeling it was my fault for being in 'her' pool Angry

You know that thing where you do/say nothing at the time, but rage and vent afterwards? Well I am venting!

OP posts:
bruffin · 25/05/2014 12:22

The story is growing and growing And making up the pool rules as you go along
The sign is stop people diving in, half the length i swim is that height.
My ds is a lifeguard, if she was being a nuisance i am sure she would have been asked to stop

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 25/05/2014 12:41

In what way growing? The only thing growing is your determination to put words in my mouth and attribute things to me I have not said.

Someone else suggested there were rules around learner pools. I have only said that it is probably the case, but will check when I write to the manager.

Funnily enough, DSIL was a lifeguard in his former fitter days, and said he would not allow one swimmer to behave in an unacceptable way in a learner pool.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 25/05/2014 12:42

And for someone to be pulled up for being a nuisance then someone like me needs to complain, which we didn't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 25/05/2014 12:45

As in

"I strongly suspect the pools rules would be that lane swimmers in the learner pool should take care around children."

OP posts:
SpecialAgentFreyPie · 25/05/2014 12:56

I can't tell if you're dripfeeding or getting hysterical in defending.

(IMHO) You are right BUT also IMHO you would get an eyeroll and a smirk filing a complaint against a woman whose name you don't even know. If however you say the pool claimants neglected your DGS you'll be heard.

Next time complain to a lifeguard.

You're not wrong, but if you expect this woman to be banned you are being unrealistic.

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 25/05/2014 12:59

I don't expect anyone to be banned and I am aware she cannot be identified.

All I want is for the pool attendants to be aware when a strong lane swimmer is powering up and down the learner pool, with children in close proximity they are politely advised to take care.

I don't want other small children kicked. Is that so wrong?

OP posts:
Sparrowlegs248 · 25/05/2014 13:00

Your thread title suggests that you think she kicked the child on purpose, because she 'thinks she owns the pool'

It happens all the time, its unfortunate, she should have apoligised. It seems to me that the issue is the fact that she was in the learner pool. Wouldn't have happened at our pool as the learner pool is tiny and about two feet deep!

You did post in AIBU. And going from your title and IP, some people think Yabu.

I don't think yabu to be upset but i do think yabu to make such a big deal over it.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 25/05/2014 13:02

FYI my opinions are based on the whole thread. If just the OP, I'd agree with you. However I feel this had nothing to do with disability no matter how cross you are. I think this was 100% the lazy pool attendants fault and not swimmer lady.

I have a severely delayed DS1 if it counts?

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 25/05/2014 13:02

I am not drip feeding. I put a lot of detail into the first post. It was only later when discussing it with DD I learned she had been hit too and that it was a learner pool. I had never been there before.

OP posts:
SpecialAgentFreyPie · 25/05/2014 13:04

So your real gripe is service?

Of course YANBU to ask they cater to that demand.

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 25/05/2014 13:06

I was initially very upset over the force of the kick into DGSs chest and my wimping out of confronting her or the pool attendant.

I'm not angry any more for my own part, I handled it badly by not tackling it at the time.

My concern is now for other small children. The disability side was relevant because I could not explain to DGS about it being accidental (I have NEVER said it was deliberate) as he is non verbal and I am not sure what he understands.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 25/05/2014 13:09

If your DS had been kicked special. Would he have been able to understand it was accidental? All children but especially SN children need to know adults will care for them and not hurt them and if they accidentally hurt them they are sorry.

Perhaps I am asking a but too much?

OP posts:
SpecialAgentFreyPie · 25/05/2014 13:14

Actually DS1 has a severe disability but I still feel the way I do. Realistically, what can you do? You can complain. Which is what I would do.
You have no idea who this woman is. You can't ask for an apology.

Best thing now is to minimise to DGS and make sure he understands kicking is wrong, so he feels safe to swim again.

Short version: Stop being a drama queen. You made this about YOU not DGS.

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 25/05/2014 13:19

Kicking happens all the time, most people mutter sorry and swim on if anything at all, I don't think I've ever had anyone actually stop and apologise, it's just one of those things. In this instance she should have taken more care in the first place, but failing that she should have apologised and then taken more care.

By all means complain about the attendants allowing lane type swimming in a learner pool, also about making it clear when people arrive which pools are available for what type of swimming. I think your reaction to this one particular person is way over the top, talking of ripping her fucking head off hardly makes you seem rational and mature.

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 25/05/2014 13:19

No. I would not have bothered if she had kicked me (she did lightly) or DD who she also kicked lightly. My outrage is that someone feels entitled to kick a small vulnerable child, in a learner pool, not apologise or acknowledge that and they were not pulled up about it.

I want to prevent the same situation happening again. If that's unreasonable then so be it.

OP posts:
Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 25/05/2014 13:22

The head ripping was at the time I was angry. I'm not angry any longer.

OP posts:
SpecialAgentFreyPie · 25/05/2014 13:22

... No-one has said you're U for demanding better supervision...

shockinglybadteacher · 25/05/2014 13:24

Sneezecakesmum, yeah. You are.

Not all adults like children, let alone "will care for them and not hurt them and if they accidentally hurt them they will say sorry". That's not a realistic expectation for a human adult, and it is not for a human child either. Leading children to expect that is kind of dangerous, especially if they have SN and might not see danger signs.

The woman likely never saw him, made a mistake and was too embarrassed to stop, or just was a bit of an idiot. She might have realised afterwards what she did or maybe not. We have absolutely no idea. I doubt she woke up and her goal for the day was "kicking a disabled child in the chest".

Let this one go, seriously. It was a clumsy swimmer in the wrong area, not a personal attack.

Original poster
Sneezecakesmum · 25/05/2014 13:29

Heavens.......and this is a website aimed primarily at parents and carers of children!

I'm hiding this thread now as I can't believe the number of people making excuses for a grown woman kicking a child in the chest.

OP posts:
kali110 · 25/05/2014 13:34

How do you know she knew who she kicked?maybe she thought it was another adult?
Still deserves an apology but how do you know she knew who she kicked?

MrsMaturin · 25/05/2014 13:41

Oh FFS OP. You're behaving like a child now. Grow the hell up. Your grandson was kicked by accident in the water by what appears to be a rude and entitled person. He was NOT assaulted. He was not kicked because he was a child. The person you're angry with is yourself because you didn't protect him. Well from your own account he wasn't upset or seriously injured so LET IT GO. you're doing yourself no favours with this display of petulance. The reason you've got the responses you object to is not because we're all being mean. It's because you are describing an accident and you're behaving all out of proportion to this.

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 25/05/2014 13:46

So for all your drama, what would you say if I was dealing with myDISABLED son and he ACCIDENTALLY kicked you in the chest???

Glastokitty · 25/05/2014 14:16

Oh fgs. I go swimming a lot and almost every time I go to the pool I get kicked or hit by a football. Once I was hit three times in one visit!. My next house is going to have its own pool. Grin

MrsCripps · 25/05/2014 15:17

Woman swims in pool Shock

OP you sound as if you were trying to disrupt her swim intentionally from the start.
Its not rocket science that you will probably be accidently kicked if people are swimming lengths- I would move my DC to a quieter area.

Your DGC was kicked because you wanted to prove a point- are you one of those people who lets their DC wander in front of swings and then does the whole drama and glaring when they get hit in the head?

JonesRipley · 25/05/2014 15:34

Bruffin

It is strange how determined you are to call the OP a liar