Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not be cross with my 6yrold ds for biting at school

115 replies

Takesalongtime · 23/05/2014 22:00

Ok.... I know I will upset lots of you and me myself would be mortified if my 6yr old had been bitten at school.
But.... Ds at school and had 5 boys all over him squashing him and hurting his back and knee. So he screamed at them to get off and they didn't/wouldn't so he bit one. He was the one to then be in trouble because he had bitten!
So what would be a way of teaching him to get these boys off him?
This is very out of character for him at school- happy bubbly etc but now tonight been so upset and stressed about it all.
What would you do? I feel he has just used self defence as the boys were not listening but what would you say? I obviously do not promote biting but feel so sad he felt so helpless he could do nothing.

OP posts:
ProudAS · 25/05/2014 07:52

The usual rules re biting etc go out the window in a self defence situation. OP YANBU

GoblinLittleOwl · 25/05/2014 07:56

Tell him you do not bite people, whatever the provocation. Lesson for life.

Sigyn · 25/05/2014 08:04

Agree with the posters who say that biting is a legitimate self defense reaction.

If it was a scrum type game that got a little out of control and he panicked unreasonably, then the OP does need to work on this with her son.

But if, fwiw, five kids had piled on top of him and no help came very, very fast, then - well biting is going to happen. Do we really think that any kid should-or will, tbh- take anything dished out in the playground?

PrimalLass · 25/05/2014 08:07

Tell him you do not bite people, whatever the provocation. Lesson for life.

Really? Whatever the provocation? Getting raped - don't bite because it might cause your rapist to have an infection ...

HarveySchlumpfenburger · 25/05/2014 09:42

Tell him you do not bite people, whatever the provocation. Lesson for life.

Except that it would be a lie. There are situations where it would be acceptable and is very effective.

For those saying it is a game, it is only a game when all of those involved still want to take part in it. It stops being a game at the point that one child wants out and the others don't stop. The other children should at least be aware of that by this age.

Yes, the OP's child should have to apologise for biting, but he shouldn't have been singled out and the other children should have been made to apologise as well for putting him in that situation.

GoblinLittleOwl · 25/05/2014 14:39

The child has learned another lesson; if you are upset about being in trouble, go home and make a big fuss to your mother and she will believe/defend you, without verifying the facts first.

cutefluffybunnes · 25/05/2014 15:40

Tell him you do not bite people, whatever the provocation.

No, don't tell him that. Biting is very good reaction in certain situations and you shouldn't shame self-defence out of him!

rumbleinthrjungle · 25/05/2014 16:21

Or alternatively the child has learned: if a situation has been misunderstood and you are in trouble, confiding in your mother is the best way to gain emotional support and advice.

Morloth · 25/05/2014 23:16

That would be a stupid 'lesson' Goblin.

There are plenty of situations where I would bite.

JonesRipley · 25/05/2014 23:19

I agree Morloth

Imagine being 6 and feeling you had no alternative than to bite. This is not a boy who bites regularly.

JonesRipley · 25/05/2014 23:23

Some playgrounds outlaw all such games because they can be a cover for bullying, or they can inadvertantly lead to injury, or both.

PrimalLass · 26/05/2014 10:45

Poor wee boy. I get panicky at the thought of five other people piled on top of me. Some boys in my son's class are 'over physical' and it is really annoying.

iirc · 26/05/2014 11:00

Not unreasonable.

I would've done the same thing if there was no other choice - surely everyone would if held down and scared?

Hope your DS has a great half term to take his mind off it.

onhereagain · 26/05/2014 11:22

This happened to my DS. There was a phase where kids were "dogpiling" which basically meant piling on top of one another with one unfortunate kid at the bottom (my DS in this instance). The person he bit was his best friend and he said he felt like he was suffocating and couldn't even shout. The teachers were understanding because they knew it was out of character for my DS.

I found the child's mum and apologised but explained the situation and she was very understanding too. I then went to the Deputy Head and had a word about playground supervision (or lack of) and their seeming toleration of over-boisterous behaviour. I know these situations can develop very quickly behind supervisor's backs but it needs to be made clear to all the other boys involved in this incident that they were contributing to a VERY dangerous situation. Do you know if the other kids involved in this were told off?

Original poster
Takesalongtime · 26/05/2014 12:02

The boys were not told off as far as ds aware. He was made to apologise to the boy he bit but they didn't apologise to him.
I will be going in to school to question the supervision (I'm aware lots of children to watch etc and dinner ladies don't have eyes in the back of their heads) but feel this should have been stopped before the biting had taken place.
I know ds shouldn't have bitten but in self defence I think it's not unreasonable especially beings he was being hurt and could not get the boys to listen.
I will also be raising the issue as to why ds was punished (had to stay in and read) and the other boys went back out to play with no punishment.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page