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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

I think my nan is dying and no one will help us

151 replies

MrsSeanBean1 · 23/05/2014 20:49

My nan was diagnosed with metastatic pancreatic cancer on Xmas eve on the same day my grandad was diagnosed with sarcoma in his leg. My grandad had his leg amputated and seems to be in remission, my nan was told hers was terminal.

We referred them both to social services just after Xmas but they were not assessed for 3 months so had to live with my parents as my grandad couldn't manage in his wheelchair (thy are 87). Finally they were assessed but told it could take 12 months to get any adaptions to the house. He is managing with just a wheelchair and a commode. They said that they didn't think they needed any home help as nan was looking after grandad.

My nan has been very well until yesterday, just a bit tired but nothing much. My grandad phoned in the middle of the night to say nan was crying, distressed, in pain and couldn't move. We went round and she looks so awful. I have never seen anyone close to death but she looks like she is dying.

We had the doctor out this morning who said he wasn't sure what it was, it could be the cancer or just that she sprained herself doing to much around the house. He gave her some codeine (and my mom some liquid morphine on the sly incase the codeine wasn't enough). My nan hasn't eaten all day, we can't get her out of the chair as she is a deadweight. She is crying and saying "I don't know what is happening to me". Her leg has now gone completely numb.

I phoned SS today to get some help urgently as we have no idea what to do but they said they couldn't get anyone out until possible next week. We phone Macmillian who said a nurse would phone us back but she hasn't. In desperation we phoned our local hospice who has tried to get some nurses in to help us. She did her best and was great but couldn't get anyone. She said she will try again on Tuesday. I have phoned SS emergency line but no one has got back to me.

My nan has just collapsed in a heap crying so I have phoned the emergency doctor who will ring is back. She refuses to let us call an ambulance as she is petrified of going into hospital as she saw my grandad receive appalling care until we got him moved.

I feel that we have never needed anyone's help all of our lives and then when we do no one will help us.

Is she dying? I know pancreatic is quick but do the final stages happen this quickly? Is there anything else we should be doing.

We are completely lost. This is the most awful thing to ever happen to our family and I don't know how we are going to get through it.

OP posts:

ICanSeeTheSun · 23/05/2014 20:53

Get an ambulance out, she may not want to go but would she put up a fight to the ambulance crew.

Lilicat1013 · 23/05/2014 20:54

I have no advice other that to ring an ambulance and I know that isn't what your Nan wants. I just wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and your family. I am sending a hug and wishing I had something useful or helpful to say. I just didn't want your post to go unanswered.

Fingerbobs · 23/05/2014 20:56

I'm so sorry, how awful for you. It sounds as though you do need an ambulance - at least then someone will see her and they may not actually need to take her to hospital. I hope you get help very soon.

Wantsunshine · 23/05/2014 20:57

Call am ambulance, if nothing else they can give her some medication. Can you call Mcmillon do they send nurses out? Sorry you are all going through this

3littlefrogs · 23/05/2014 20:57

Paramedics are great. They will assess her and do what is best.
I am so sorry. Bank holidays are crap if you are ill.
I don't know why we still have this problem in this day and age.

Smartiepants79 · 23/05/2014 20:58

Get her to a&e.

helensburgh · 23/05/2014 20:58

Agree with others, whatever is going on, the hospital should get her pain under control.

I'm so sorry you are all going throu this, life is beeping cruel.

londonrach · 23/05/2014 21:00

Phone 999. Please x

WheresMrMonkey · 23/05/2014 21:00

Im so sorry..... Really think that the ambulance is the best bet, she can always discharge herself but at least she can get a real assessment first and some pain relief

raffle · 23/05/2014 21:00

The GP will probably send an ambulance once you describe how she is. In that case it won't be you that has called it so your nan may be a bit more willing to go?

Also, most hospitals have a 'hospital to home' service where support comes into the home for anything up to 12 weeks after being discharged. This may be the quickest route to home care for her. Hope she picks up, look after yourself too.

eatyouwithaspoon · 23/05/2014 21:01

call an ambulance

HexBramble · 23/05/2014 21:02

999 OP.
She needs palliative assessment quick but firstly a medical diagnosis as to why the sudden pain.
Be prepared to go with her.

TheHouseatWhoCorner · 23/05/2014 21:02

Sadly the only way you can get help for her medically is by calling an ambulance.
It sounds heartbreaking for you all.

WillGardnersNose · 23/05/2014 21:06

has she had the morphine yet?

Social Services are limited in what they can do for medical emergencies. It is absolutely your GP out of hours or an ambulance situation right now.

Get her as much pain relief as she can take and keep on at the GP out of hours service.

gordyslovesheep · 23/05/2014 21:06

oh it all sounds so sad OP :( but yes - she needs to go to hospital xxxx

FiveGoMadInDorset · 23/05/2014 21:06

Please phone for an ambulance.

Original poster

MrsSeanBean1 · 23/05/2014 21:07

We have phoned the ambulance against her wishes but she says she won't see them. They are coming anyway.

OP posts:

JassyRadlett · 23/05/2014 21:11

I'm glad you have. Pancreatic cancer is an evil fucking disease, my grandmother had it too.

Medical care is the best route right now and even a brief hospitalisation can open doors to other services, as others have pointed out.

Thinking of you, and hoping you get the support you and your nan need.

Fingerbobs · 23/05/2014 21:11

You are doing the right thing for all of you including your nan. I hope they come soon and can reassure her enough to help her. Hang in there.

Barefootgirl · 23/05/2014 21:11

MrsSB, I have no helpful advice, I think you have done absolutely the right thing in phoning an ambulance, and I am sure your nan will see sense when they arrive. I am really sorry you're going through all this.

Sandthorn · 23/05/2014 21:14

I'm so sorry, but she needs to be assessed. If it is the cancer, she might be able to be treated in a hospice rather than at the hospital. My BIL spent his last weeks at a Marie Curie hospice, with incredible care, and the best possible surroundings. But she needs to be checked out... It's possible that it's something unrelated and treatable, or that they can send her home with more appropriate pain medication.

jeanmiguelfangio · 23/05/2014 21:26

Pancreatic cancer is bloody awful, my grandad and uncle in law had it. Paramedics are properly trained and are so thoughtful, im sure they can help her, thoughts with you

Doooooowop · 23/05/2014 21:26

Call 999 and explain that you don't want any sirens or blue lights. Tell your Nan that you are just getting her to an out of hours GP. Good luck and prayers x

WipsGlitter · 23/05/2014 21:28

Thank god. You need her admitted ASAP.

Ifpigscouldfly · 23/05/2014 21:28

You did the right thing. O close relative of mine is dying of this kind of cancer - sending good wishes, I hope they can sort her out and send her home.

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