I think my nan is dying and no one will help us

[MrsSeanBean1]

My nan was diagnosed with metastatic pancreatic cancer on Xmas eve on the same day my grandad was diagnosed with sarcoma in his leg. My grandad had his leg amputated and seems to be in remission, my nan was told hers was terminal.

We referred them both to social services just after Xmas but they were not assessed for 3 months so had to live with my parents as my grandad couldn't manage in his wheelchair (thy are 87). Finally they were assessed but told it could take 12 months to get any adaptions to the house. He is managing with just a wheelchair and a commode. They said that they didn't think they needed any home help as nan was looking after grandad.

My nan has been very well until yesterday, just a bit tired but nothing much. My grandad phoned in the middle of the night to say nan was crying, distressed, in pain and couldn't move. We went round and she looks so awful. I have never seen anyone close to death but she looks like she is dying.

We had the doctor out this morning who said he wasn't sure what it was, it could be the cancer or just that she sprained herself doing to much around the house. He gave her some codeine (and my mom some liquid morphine on the sly incase the codeine wasn't enough). My nan hasn't eaten all day, we can't get her out of the chair as she is a deadweight. She is crying and saying "I don't know what is happening to me". Her leg has now gone completely numb.

I phoned SS today to get some help urgently as we have no idea what to do but they said they couldn't get anyone out until possible next week. We phone Macmillian who said a nurse would phone us back but she hasn't. In desperation we phoned our local hospice who has tried to get some nurses in to help us. She did her best and was great but couldn't get anyone. She said she will try again on Tuesday. I have phoned SS emergency line but no one has got back to me.

My nan has just collapsed in a heap crying so I have phoned the emergency doctor who will ring is back. She refuses to let us call an ambulance as she is petrified of going into hospital as she saw my grandad receive appalling care until we got him moved.

I feel that we have never needed anyone's help all of our lives and then when we do no one will help us.

Is she dying? I know pancreatic is quick but do the final stages happen this quickly? Is there anything else we should be doing.

We are completely lost. This is the most awful thing to ever happen to our family and I don't know how we are going to get through it.

I think I have heard that Mrs SB. >>hugs

its quite common for UTI to be nasty as hell you get some people go to hospital raging and needing to be sedated they are fine when they have had treatment with my nan she presented with hallucinations and aggression she was the sweetest lady ever it changed her i was so glad when she was treated who knew a UTI would send people like that

I'm glad they have identified the cause of the paralysis and that the cancer hasn't spread. I hope the antibiotics kick in quickly. It's good to hear you are happier with this hospital and if your nan feels the same (once she has come round) then it might make her willing to accept treatment if she needs it as opposed to refusing to go into a hospital. Try and get some rest, take care of yourself

I did wonder uti when you said she was suddenly incoherent but I'm not medically trained and didn't want to trivialise or be totally wrong. I hope so, it means they can fix her up and send her home ! And she might not be so afraid in future so she can accept palliative care when the time comes.

Glad that your Nan is peaceful. I hope you can get some rest toox

UTI's in the elderly can mimic the signs of stroke and can also affect peoples mental state and their ability to mobilise effectively so could explain her inability to move.
Glad she is getting treatment now.

Very glad she is being looked after MrsSean. Sending good wishes to you all

My Mum is in her early 80s and she is away with the fairies when she gets a UTI, she hardly knows where she is. I am glad that she is in good hands now, and hope that she will be feeling a lot more herself soon. Sorry that you are having such a horrendous time generally op.

That is good mrs, was thinking of you all today

UTI can make almost hallucinogenic when my late grandfather had a UTI he thought buses were on top of the wardrobes and tried to get out of 5th floor window in hospital obviously they can't be opened more than 2 inches for ventilation once 3 days of antibiotics all cleared up and could not remember any of it and back to normal self

at present my MIL is stuck in hospital waiting for SS to arrange care package have been told 4-6 weeks, because she was in hospital over a week she lost her care package and now needs re-assessed they are short of staff she does not need to be in hospital but can not live in her sheltered housing flat without visits she lives 170 miles away so we can't really look after her

hope things improve soon

Thank you everyone for your thought and advice. I so appreciate it at this difficult time. I have made a note of all the good advice about getting help for my grandparents and will be doing my best to get things in place now so that we are never in such a mess again.

I never appreciated how difficult negotiating 'the system' was going to be. Heaven help elderly people who have no one to help them.

Morning OP, still in my thoughtsx

UTIs are the spawn of the devil. They cause hallucinations, paranoia etc. My Mum had several ending up in hospital many times. She saw animals in there, thought she was being kidnapped and all sorts.

Good luck Mrs, glad she's resting now. It is a nightmare and I agree, it's terrifying to think of older people dealing with situations like this without backup. x

Get the palliative care team involved and proper referral to hospice. They can get involved at home and avoid hospital admissions. Hospices often do short stays for symptom control and respite they are not just for very good end of life.

Hopefully, your Nan's fear of going into hospital has now reduced, so future admissions should be easier.

x

Agree with above post.

Hospices are very good at getting outside agencies involved and supporting the family too. Hospice care is holistic and they are very good at helping to sort funding for care.

They can offer respite for you and symptom control....may be worth asking for a referral to a local hospice x

Thinking of you all x

Mrs SB - is grandma responding to treatment??

Please keep us updated x

Still thinking of you today MBS x

I just wanted to send you an unmumsnet hug and tell you im thinking of you x

Have a hand to hold. We had similar with my grandmother. You're in my thoughts x

Nan still hasn't woken up although she seems peaceful. She looks like she has had a stroke as her whole left side is paralysed. Could this be from the infection as there was no evidence of a stroke on the scan today.

My grandad cried.....I don't think I'll ever get over seeing that :-(

My mom says that she hopes nan just passes away peacefully now and never wakes up again. I don't think I can feel like that yet even though I know it would be for the best.

Thank you for all your support x

When my father was dying my mother said once (a few weeks from the end) that she could't cope and he and to go into a hospice.
Things did seem to buck up after that and they pulled out all the stops to get him comfortable at home. Macmillan nurses and Marie curse nurses helped and the district nurse came round three times a day.

I hope you get the hope you need soon x

MSB, my heart goes out to you all.
I'm glad your Nan is peaceful. Your grandad sounds devoted.
Sending strength and light your way.