To be upset with mindee's family?

[BobTheFly]

Upset being a little sad not upset as in cross.

They didn't even give me a card for my birthday. I've looked after their children for 5 years and not once have I received so much as a happy birthday text.

Yes yes I know it's a business relationship and they aren't obliged too but isn't it just a nice thing to do? A show of appreciation type thing? I always send birthday gifts, Christmas gifts, Easter eggs and treat them as my own. I feel like they just see me purely as my role and not as a person.

I received lovely (not expensive) things from other, newer families but it seems the longer term ones couldn't give a shit. Small bunch of flowers and home made card and money were what I got from the others.

Aibu to be surprised that they couldn't even bother to send a card? I feel like I want to stop going 'above and beyond' for them. They have a big favour coming up that they want me to do and I feel like saying no now.

I consider it unprofessional because that will be an odd day that working the parent has to find alternative arrangements for, for what is to most people, a non-pressing reason. Its quite possible the parent has to take your birthday off in order to cover your absence.
Obviously you can do what you like, and feel strongly enough about it to put it into your contract, but i find it unusual and odd.
I have worked all my life and have yet to come across anyone who takes their birthday off. Children have to attend school, adults have to attend work. Generally its an excuse for a cake with a cup of tea in the office.

Surely the kids making their parents a card or a gift, is no different to the normal arts and crafts stuff that CMs do with their mindees?

If a child happened to mention that's what they wanted to do, I would see you supervising that, as part of your job and not you going 'over and above'.

Is it your birthday today op? If so, happy birthday!!

What can I say? I absolutely love my job, I really really do and I love my mindees and I like to do nice things for them. Not so I receive something in return but I wrongly assumed they would also consider it a nice thing to do. I accept that's wrong and I'm unreasonable.

You can take your leave when you want. I am a childminder but if as a parent I had to find cover for childcare on that day every year I can't imagine it would be a date I look forward to. .

I also think you sound very childish about your birthday. you are an adult .Adult birthdays are not important to anyone other than immediate family

Op said she went to a pottery place and decorated a mug for at least one parent. So a bit of an outlay and what I'd call extra.

Bob, I can see why you feel like you do. 5 years is a long time to be looking after a child. You would have thought a rapport had built up by now to the point where you at least get a card.

I think if you had posted in Chat you would have had different replies too.

My hubby always books off his birthday from work.He was even off yest cos it was our 15yr wedding anniversary.
He says it's bad enough being 1 yr older,even worse if ur @ work!!!
Also op happy birthday-hope u have a lovely day.

I always take my birthday off work. I work full time and have two pre-school age children so most of my weekends and annual leave are spent doing things with the children. My birthday is one of the few days of the year I get to myself.

OP, I understand how you feel. I guess it's about the recognition as opposed to it being your birthday. Just because they don't acknowledge your birthday, it doesn't mean they don't appreciate you.

Children have to attend school, adults have to attend work. Generally its an excuse for a cake with a cup of tea in the office

Yes but I work with children! I don't have colleagues to stuff cake with and have a lazy day in the office. I use the day to have lunch with DH (shift worker, he doesn't take the day off) and a bit of shopping to spend my birthday money.

It's my CM's birthday today. She looks after my dc one day a week. I have got a card and bottle of wine for the dc to give her.

She probably wouldn't expect it or be upset if I hadn't, but I really appreciate what she does for my family and it's nice to be nice.

I also know of several companies where one of the contractual benefits is your birthday off as an extra day holiday.

They clearly prefer to keep things on a professional level. If you give their DCs gifts I'd save your money in future. The other families obviously feel differently.

There's something coming up they want help with? Well if it's a favour you can say no if you don't feel inclined.

I don't see what's unprofessional about giving the person that has looked after your child for 5 years a birthday card.

Did you wear your "I am 37 today!" badge? If not then you can't really expect none family/friends to know or care.

Presumably they pay you so they're meeting their side of the bargain.

Put your big girl pants on and stop worrying about it. Whether or not your customers acknowledge your birthday has no reflection on what they think of you as a service provider or a person.

Yes I have acknowledged that OP has put The Day in her contract and that the parents know.
I also acknowledge that OP can book leave whenever she wants to.

However I agree with many posters here (and by the way I am not in the habit of thinking Oh this is AIBU so I'll be nasty) that much as you might want a Fuss made about your birthday as an adult, you shouldnt be expecting your mindees' parents to feel the same way. It comes over as rather childish. There. I've said it.

Oh for crying out loud sparklingbrook - thats not what i said!

I would have given you a card OP but these employers chose not to at the outset and five years on haven't shifted. If they are decent employers the rest of the year round I guess you have to decide whether you lump it or not.

I think it's a bit childish to make a big deal about your birthday as an adult. It seems really self-absorbed to me but I also know lots of people love making a fuss about it and it has meaning for them.

If you like a fuss then I think it's fine to make a fuss if you want but it is vv unreasonable to expect everyone else to as well.

I was referring to Donkeys post Katisha. I haven't even thought about the day off thing yet for crying out loud.

Oh all right then! Thought I was getting into an official bunfight for a moment...

Yes what's a card in the great scheme of things Sparklingbrook.

Not with me Katisha. Not over somebody's lack of birthday card.

Maybe they do think it is more 'professional' to not send a card. Bit sad that, as I said 5 years is a long time isn't it?