to make an appointment with dds doctor about but not with her?

[HeatherFlump]

Dd is 7. Though she looks pretty much fine (though with a protruding tummy) she is technically classed as 'very overweight.' She is extremely active - she does three dance classes and four other sporting activities each week and is otherwise always scooting or trampolining. She eats healthily with me, but her diet and exercise during contact with her father is appalling.

He sees her every other weekend plus one weeknight every other week for tea. She eats up to triple the recommended daily calories for her age each day there, and tea is always a massive take away. My mum has type 2 diabetes and is seriously ill with it, it is known to run in families. Everything dd eats with her father is sugar-laden and I'm terrified that these massive sugar binges are putting her at risk of developing type 2 diabetes too.

I'm no medical expert, though, so was thinking of making an appointment with dds doctor to discuss the matter but without her there as I need to mention she's overweight but don't want her to be conscious of it. However, my sister said it's unfair on dd to make an appointment behind her back and that the doctor won't advise without seeing her anyway. What do you think?

What do you want him to advise??

Without her there what do you want him to do?

Why not see if you can have a telephone consultation first so you can talk about her freely without her listening and then take her for a face to face appt (GP prob will want to see her but I can completely understand where you are coming from)

Yanbu, she is 7. You are right to go alone at first.

Just what I was going to advise smiley

I think you are being sensible to want to talk to a health professional though. If you talk to the doctor first you might be able to conjure up a feasible sounding excuse for making an appointment without making your daughter conscious about her weight.

I'm not sure if the Dr would advise you without seeing her but perhaps the nurse might?

The diet her Dad is feeding her does sound awful but I doubt it's going to make her 'very overweight' if it's only every other weekend and one tea every other week.

I expect the nurse will want to delve deeper into the diet she's fed at home and perhaps check for any medical reasons.

The Dr will advise that she needs to cut down on her calorie intake when she's at her dads. Which you already know.

Are you hoping that if you say to your ex that the Dr has said there's a problem that he'll accept it more? Have you spoken to him about it?

I'd take her father to the appt too....

Tbh she is fed by her dad 2 full days plus one dinner out of 14 days. I think you need to look closer to home because it sounds like you're blaming the time at her dads solely.

Also, you say she eats healthily with you but how big are her portion sizes?

Is it possible she's being overfed? Because even healthy food will make you overweight if you eat too much of it.

im guessing you don't want to be the only one putting her on a diet really do you? get your doctor's opinion by all means but make an appointment with your daughter and her dad after

I think it's perfectly fine to make an appt "behind her back"- she's seven and your her mother for crying out loud.

However, I think YABU to be wasting the doctors' time with this is the first place. You know she's overweight because she eats too much. There's nothing the GP can do about that.

As a mum, I can say it is something I would do. You are speaking on her behalf, and as she is only 7, you have a "duty of care" towards her. Perhaps the GP may want to see her after you have spoken to him, as he may want to monitor her weight. You are right to be concerned, especially with diabetes running in your family. Good luck.

I agree with others, you need to look closer to home

Are you and your mum also overweight op?

I can spell "you're" btw (not that anyone cares but me)

Go to the GP with her weight and height so that he can work out her percentile. She doesn't need to be there.

What does she eat with you on a typical day?

It's unlikely that a couple of meals a fortnight will make her very overweight. What are portion sizes etc like at home?

Her dad won't listen to me, or come along to the GP. Dd is having tummy ache and diarrhoea for days after contact and I'm fed up of seeing her in pain, it isn't fair on her.

A typical day for dd here is:

Porridge and blueberries for breakfast

Milk and fruit for snack (provided by school)

Wholemeal ham salad pitta, sausages, carrot, cucumber, hummus, fruit for lunch

Cheese and crackers for snack after school (activities are often on til 6)

Chicken, rice and veg for dinner

Only thing that's unlimited is veg, the rest are regular portions

It isn't necessarily her weight that concerns me most, I think it's partly due to genetics as her father and his family are obese. But I think being overweight coupled with the massive sugar binges during contact could puther arat risk of diadiabetes.

It's not 'a couple of extra meals' though, it's several days worth of extra calories combined with zero exercise. Even if she eats normally the rest of the time, she'll still be overeating generally.

My mum was overweight when she developed diabetes. I'm not overweight and don't have diabetes.

She's on the 98th percentile.

I'm a GP and to be honest there's little I could do if you turned up without your daughter. There's also little I could do if you brought her with you! You need to take her to the nurse (or health care assistant if there's one at your surgery) to have her height and weight checked, then you can ask for a dietician referral. But to be honest it sounds as if you know what the problem is, and unless her father cooperates there is not much you can do to change the situation.

She gets upset when her tummy hurts Natasha and I've tried explaining how she can stop it but the food is just too tempting for her