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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To spy on my nanny?

92 replies

Pugaboo · 22/05/2014 06:25

I think I probably am BU but I'm not sure my nanny is telling me the truth about a few things. Things don't seem to add up.

I don't want to go into a lot of detail as it will out me but it includes leaving my son to cry and/or ignoring him for long periods. So not life threatening but not what I would want for him either.

I don't want to disrupt my son too much but equally I want to be reassured she is treating him in the right way.

OP posts:

steff13 · 22/05/2014 06:31

If I had reason to believe that my child wasn't being treated well by the nanny, I'd get a nanny cam. If you don't trust her, though, that's enough reason to let her go, IMO.

BoneyBackJefferson · 22/05/2014 06:46

If you don't trust her you should get rid.

Delphiniumsblue · 22/05/2014 07:01

You can't spy- if you don't have the trust then get another nanny.

CagneynotLacey · 22/05/2014 07:04

I would spy. It may be that you are wrong about her & if you let her go now then you have disrupted your DC'S childcare without reason.

Fullpleatherjacket · 22/05/2014 07:07

I would.

kinsorange · 22/05/2014 07:08

Definitely spy.
Bad nannies should be exposed just like bad behaved anybody else in any occupation. But especially those looking after vulnerable people of any age.

You could just get rid, but I dont think that you would want it on your conscience of what she or he may be possibly be getting up to with someone elses child.

CundtBake · 22/05/2014 07:10

I can understand the temptation but I really wouldnt. Can you imagine how violated you'd feel if anyone secretly videod you to 'spy' on you? It's horrible, I'd never stay in a job if I found out my employer did that.

If you have actual reason to believe she's not caring for your child as you'd like...why don't you have a conversation with her about it?

Or alternatively let her go and find someone else since you don't trust her

TravellingToad · 22/05/2014 07:12

I would

Waltonswatcher1 · 22/05/2014 07:25

Are there any legal implications ?
You have a niggle and those shouldn't be ignored .
I would pop back home a few times unannounced .

Delphiniumsblue · 22/05/2014 07:27

If I was a nanny and was spied on I would leave- it is a breakdown of trust. Surely you have to tell her if you have a camera?

Delphiniumsblue · 22/05/2014 07:29

It is fairly simple- you don't trust her- change the nanny.
I would be so angry if I was spied on that I couldn't work for the person any longer.

steff13 · 22/05/2014 07:32

I don't know the law in the UK, but in the US, you have the right to record video of anyone in your home, and no obligation to tell them. Lots of people have security cameras in their homes.

I've never been a nanny, but I don't think I've ever worked anywhere that didn't have some form of video surveillance.

FlyntCoal · 22/05/2014 07:34

Funny story- your nanny is a HUMAN BEING with employment rights and basic human rights. You cannot, as others have suggested, just 'get rid' based on what, a feeling? If you have evidence, go through the procedures outlined in your contract, warnings etc. And consider if the evidence is enough for gross misconduct, enough that if you fire her without warning the evidence would stand up in court when she claimed for wrongful dismissal or whatever the term is.

I'm not sure of the legalities of filming someone without their consent or knowledge, nor of employment law. But I think putting someone out of work based on assumptions without any kind of discourse just seems so wrong. Are you 100% sure the nanny is doing anything wrong? Gross misconduct, let her go. Otherwise have a conversation!

FreudiansSlipper · 22/05/2014 07:36

Have you raised your concerns with her? If still unhappy I would be giving her notice and looking for another nanny

Why would you go do far as to spy on her if you do not trust her

Lizzie568 · 22/05/2014 07:40

I would spy if you have suspicions. If she's not doing anything wrong, she has nothing to worry about. The welfare of my child would be my paramount importance. IMO, the same should apply to any vulnerable person and those in a caring profession- carers, etc should know that they could be secretly filmed. It's no different to a mystery shopper observing those in retail secretly.

kinsorange · 22/05/2014 07:53

Freudian. But that is pushing her on to someone else. Could you do that?

DizzyKipper · 22/05/2014 07:56

I work in community care and we were all told in a meeting once that some of our clients 'may or may not' secretly have video cameras installed in their homes. As soon as he said it I instantly thought "what if I've done something to embarrass myself" like getting an itch in a sensitive area that I then scratched. I felt pretty mortified! Though as far as my work goes I know in that score I'd have nothing to worry about. So yes it is a violation of privacy and for the one being spied on it can feel pretty awful. That said however, I fully understand why some clients' families wish to have evidence of what goes on whilst no one else is there. Unfortunately sometimes surveillance is needed to find people out. I don't think you'd be unreasonable installing a nanny cam considering your concerns - your child comes first, just as any vulnerable person does who's put in some one else's care.

AndIFeedEmGunpowder · 22/05/2014 07:56

I don't think it's morally right, but if it were me I would consider it.

ArcherAnguish · 22/05/2014 07:59

What concerns have you got? And what evidence is there? How do you know your child is being left to cry for long periods.

hackmum · 22/05/2014 08:01

The Mail had a story the other day about parents who installed a video camera to monitor the nanny and it showed that she was slapping and shouting at the baby. And of course there have been all those stories about people putting secret cameras in the nursing homes where their elderly parents are resident, only to discover that the staff are abusing the parents.

I very much doubt it's illegal. You could argue that it's unethical, though equally you could argue that leaving a small child or baby with a carer who is mistreating it is also unethical.

whatever5 · 22/05/2014 08:19

I would spy. I don't agree at all with those who say that you should just change nanny if you don't trust her. If you are right you need to make sure that she doesn't get another job as a nanny. You may be wrong though. It would be unfair on the nanny and your child to stop employing her without good reason.

Montegomongoose · 22/05/2014 08:26

So would all of you be happy being spied in at work? Allowing your bosses to secretly film you because they had a 'gut feeling'?

You'd be ok for them to open your personal mail? Read your Facebook messages? Rifle through drawers in your home?

Interesting to know where you'd draw the line.

What's wrong with a professional conversation stating expectations, then checking back?

steff13 · 22/05/2014 08:34

So would all of you be happy being spied in at work?

I always assume I'm being filmed at work. Retail stores, offices, etc., have cameras all over, and they're frequently hidden. I have no expectation of privacy at work.

You'd be ok for them to open your personal mail? Read your Facebook messages? Rifle through drawers in your home?

I don't see where anyone is suggesting reading personal mail or FB messages. If I choose to employ some form of surveillance in my home, that is not equivalent to reading someone's personal correspondence.

Tinkerball · 22/05/2014 08:36

This is horrible! It just doesn't sit right with me the "if shes done nothing wrong shes got nothing to worry about", thats not the point, its a gross invasion of privacy. However I can see the dilemma as you are worried. What makes you suspect something?

steff13 · 22/05/2014 08:44

How much privacy can you expect when you're in someone else's home?

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