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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think that my boss is being unreasonable?

90 replies

DancerChick · 20/05/2014 22:26

Background- Been at the job for 5 months and have very strange boss.

Right, so there is a very senior person in the office that I get along with very well and he always seeks me out in case of an issue. I've had great feedback from this person and I really respect him.

There was an issue today which I brought to his attention and we worked together to resolve it. A video conference meeting has now been arranged with the relevant teams to try and work out how to avoid similar problems in the future. I was invited to it because I have been involved in resolving these issues, however, my boss wasn't sent an invite.

My boss is big on everything being brought to her notice at the end of the day and so I let her know about the issue and mentioned in passing that we had a video conference coming up to discuss it further and I would keep her posted with whatever was discussed.

She then basically invited herself to the conference.

She said that she "really should be in that conference" and that I need to "include her in these things".

Now I didn't set this conference up and it was not up to me to compel this senior person to invite anybody.

On her insistence I have now sent her an invite for the conference and she will not be a part of this meeting.

I don't think this was appropriate. I don't think she should have invited herself, I think she should have reached out to senior management and set up an invite after giving them her reasons for wanting to be a part of this.
I was also not comfortable forwarding an invite to her when I was not the host, but I had very little choice in the matter.

I am now in two minds about whether I should send this senior person a heads up about my manager being in the meeting or not. Even if I did send a heads up, what would I say? So sorry she invited herself, deal with it?!

To make matters worse she doesn't have the best communication skills or the highest level of business expertise. She often is repetitive and rude in meetings and asks very obvious questions. I am worried this will make it hard for the rest of us to come to a final solution and I am also concerned she may try to take credit for my work.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
Original poster
DancerChick · 20/05/2014 22:30

I meant she will now be a part of this meeting, not she will not be a part of it.

OP posts:
weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 20/05/2014 22:31

Reached out? REACHED OUT???? YABU for this alone.

More seriously, speaking as an outsider, I think she may have a point, and she may well be justified in wanting to be involved: without more detail I wouldn't know. But it certainly does sound as though you have got it in for her and are trying to exclude her, and it sounds like she could be onto you.

FunkyBoldRibena · 20/05/2014 22:36

'Erm, it's not my meeting boss, John arranged it so I'll have to leave it with you to sort that out with him'.

Original poster
DancerChick · 20/05/2014 22:36

I am in no way trying to exclude her.

Had I been the one to set up a meeting or call or anything else, there is no doubt that I would have made sure she was included.

However, I didn't set this up and I have very little control over who gets invited and who doesn't.

If I had wanted to exclude her I wouldn't even have brought this matter to her attention.

PS- what is wrong about saying reached out? Confused

OP posts:
feathermucker · 20/05/2014 22:37

How can she take credit when the 'very senior person in the office' knows the whole story?

You sound very critical of your boss. If I was her, of course I'd want to be involved in something that sounds pretty important.

wowfudge · 20/05/2014 22:38

If you forwarded the meeting request, surely your other colleague will know?

Why not just tell very senior person the chain of events? I would call them and simply tell them you mentioned to your boss what had gone on and she said she would attend the meeting therefore you have forwarded the meeting invitation. If they don't want her there, surely they will tell her?

Two things about your post:

  1. you give no indication of where in the company's hierarchy your boss sits in relation to this 'very senior person';
  2. you say your boss is odd, but provide no evidence/examples of her behaviour to back this up.

TBH you sound as though you don't like her and are excluding her from the working relationship you have developed with the very senior person. Just because your view is that she shouldn't be in the meeting doesn't mean it isn't appropriate for her to go along. Apologising for her behaviour suggests you feel superior to her - she's your boss; let her get on with it!

AreYouFeelingLucky · 20/05/2014 22:39

It's pretty standard to forward invites to anyone that you think has been missed off. If you use Outlook, the organiser gets notified.

basgetti · 20/05/2014 22:41

Maybe she thinks you are bypassing her alot and going instead to the very senior person so she is trying to re establish her authority.

SirChenjin · 20/05/2014 22:42

It sounds (from what you've written) that you really don't rate your boss (and probably make it quite obvious), don't involve her in your work (other than a "this is what I'm doing" type way), and really don't want her around to cramp your style.

It's impossible to say whether she's behaving the way she does because she really isn't up to the role, or whether she feels constantly undermined by you and this other senior person (who, by the way, shouldn't be involving you in any decisions or work without running it past your boss first.

If I were your boss we would be having A Chat.

Original poster
DancerChick · 20/05/2014 22:42

I am simply being honest and I am not the only one in the team who has this view about her.

Nevertheless, I don't have an issue with her wanting to be involved at all. I just don't feel comfortable about anyone using me to invite themselves to something like this.

OP posts:
weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 20/05/2014 22:42

But you DO want to exclude her: your last paragraph positively screams that. Though I do appreciate it's not your place either to invite or not-invite her.

PS- what is wrong about saying reached out?

Erm, ever read Who touched base in my thought shower. It's just one of those bits of business jargon that make me squirm, that is all. Use in good health....I will continue to say 'speak to'

Revenant · 20/05/2014 22:43

Why didn't you go to your manager with the original issue? Does she feel that you have gone over her head by addressing the issue directly with the "senior person" rather than her in the first instance, and so is trying to make sure she stays involved? Why would you feel any need to alert the senior person about your manager's attendance at the video conference, as it involves her team / team members?
I have no idea what it's about obviously, but it would be unusual for managers of teams to be excluded when discussing changes in ways of working that could affect their team, i would have thought.

wowfudge · 20/05/2014 22:43

'Reached out' = bollocks (American?) management speak for 'contacted'. Why use two pretentious words when one straightforward one would do?

There's a related one, equally as bad that I can't remember. We were talking about this tosh last week one lunchtime.

SirChenjin · 20/05/2014 22:44

Oh - and 'reached out' is along the same wank-speak lines as 'going forward'. Desist.

Oblique27 · 20/05/2014 22:44

You are over analysing and trying to belittle your boss, our meeting notification software would inform the meeting organiser that the invite had been forwarded. So what? Why shouldn't she attend? PS "reached out" is pretentious management speak....

Revenant · 20/05/2014 22:44

X post, sorry...

weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 20/05/2014 22:45

When I say 'last paragraph' I mean last paragraph in your OP

Original poster
DancerChick · 20/05/2014 22:46

My boss is very junior to the gentleman I have mentioned.

I am not bypassing her- I keep her updated about everything and never do anything without prior approval from.

In this instance I was invited to a conference by someone much more senior than her, so obviously I cannot refuse. Nor can I compel him to invite anyone.

Yes, I have not gone into details about my boss and the daily things that have resulted in the opinion I have of her because that isn't what this thread is about.

Erm, it's not my meeting boss, John arranged it so I'll have to leave it with you to sort that out with him

She'd have fired me on the spot if I had said that to her. I am not joking.

OP posts:
weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 20/05/2014 22:46

Hiya wowfudge

You may well enjoy 'Who touched base in my thought shower' It's full of examples of that kinda bolleaux overwrought jargon

Original poster
DancerChick · 20/05/2014 22:47

I did go to my boss with the original issue. She is kept fully informed of all issues and I never keep any information from her. Why should I?

OP posts:
User989546711 · 20/05/2014 22:48

You might not like it but it doesn't sound like you are respecting the line-management 'hierarchy' that naturally occurs in most work places. You dealing direct with someone more senior than her without first checking in has probably pissed her off, perhaps with reason, as you sound like you don't have much respect for her as your boss...

You don't sound all that professionally savvy TBH. Cutting her out could backfire and leave you looking unprofessional.

Just drop the senior person a note saying 'x asked to be involved and requested I forward the invite. I trust this is OK'. If not he/she will have to deal with the uninviting.

'Reached out' is awful Hmm

SirChenjin · 20/05/2014 22:48

Quite rightly so - you don't tell your boss what she'll 'have' to do.

Why is the gentleman in question involving you (her subordinate) and not her? I'm not surprised she's feeling a bit miffed tbh.

Original poster
DancerChick · 20/05/2014 22:49

Umm, ok. I won't say "reached out".

I'm trilingual anyway and I wouldn't say English is my first language so believe me when I say I didn't mean that in a patronising way at all.

I'll rephrase it- she should speak to the organiser herself regarding the meeting.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 20/05/2014 22:49

I've remembered it: 'connect with', as in 'I've connected with', or 'I'll connect with'. What the people who spout this rubbish mean is that they've rung someone and spoken to them or that they will ring someone.

Bloody awful.

weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 20/05/2014 22:50

And by now Dancer you are probably fully across and up to speed on the reached out concern! Grin