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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think that my boss is being unreasonable?

90 replies

DancerChick · 20/05/2014 22:26

Background- Been at the job for 5 months and have very strange boss.

Right, so there is a very senior person in the office that I get along with very well and he always seeks me out in case of an issue. I've had great feedback from this person and I really respect him.

There was an issue today which I brought to his attention and we worked together to resolve it. A video conference meeting has now been arranged with the relevant teams to try and work out how to avoid similar problems in the future. I was invited to it because I have been involved in resolving these issues, however, my boss wasn't sent an invite.

My boss is big on everything being brought to her notice at the end of the day and so I let her know about the issue and mentioned in passing that we had a video conference coming up to discuss it further and I would keep her posted with whatever was discussed.

She then basically invited herself to the conference.

She said that she "really should be in that conference" and that I need to "include her in these things".

Now I didn't set this conference up and it was not up to me to compel this senior person to invite anybody.

On her insistence I have now sent her an invite for the conference and she will not be a part of this meeting.

I don't think this was appropriate. I don't think she should have invited herself, I think she should have reached out to senior management and set up an invite after giving them her reasons for wanting to be a part of this.
I was also not comfortable forwarding an invite to her when I was not the host, but I had very little choice in the matter.

I am now in two minds about whether I should send this senior person a heads up about my manager being in the meeting or not. Even if I did send a heads up, what would I say? So sorry she invited herself, deal with it?!

To make matters worse she doesn't have the best communication skills or the highest level of business expertise. She often is repetitive and rude in meetings and asks very obvious questions. I am worried this will make it hard for the rest of us to come to a final solution and I am also concerned she may try to take credit for my work.

Any thoughts?

OP posts:

frizzcat · 20/05/2014 22:50

"Reached out" is a naff buzz word/office speak - contact, spoken to, called, emailed all suffice. She/you are not catching anything or hugging, so reaching isn't necessary.

She is your line manager and so you should keep her updated with any problems that arise in the course of your work. As you are her direct report I would imagine that she doesn't need to ask anyone's permission to attend a meeting you are involved in, and no one will bat an eyelid she is attending.
If she's rude in the meeting or makes things difficult, well then no skin off your nose, she will make herself look incompetent and she'll have to answer to her line manager.

Don't give anyone the heads up, this will back fire on you, it will make your manager question you're loyalty to her team and the other management see you as a bit of a player. Questionable loyalty is never good for a career.

This is a fairly minor thing that often happens in office politics, is this the real reason you're upset? I was wondering if you're actually upset that she'll waltz in and take the credit for your work? If so, don't worry too much people like that are always found out.

itiswhatitiswhatitis · 20/05/2014 22:50

Arf @ "wank speak"

My SIL in leaves me "hand over notes" when she goes on holiday

YouAreCompletelyRight · 20/05/2014 22:51

Standard office practice. If your glorious leader wants to crash your meeting, let her. You're making a mountain out of a molehill in your own mind.

wowfudge · 20/05/2014 22:52

Thanks weneedtotalk - I'll look into it.

AndiPandi · 20/05/2014 22:52

So did your boss then tell you to raise the issue with this senior person?

Original poster

DancerChick · 20/05/2014 22:52

The senior person came to me with the problem as it is part of my daily responsibilities to monitor these issues. I don't know why he didn't go to my boss first, you will have to ask him. But maybe because she usually doesn't deal with those issues or requests since they have been assigned to me?

OP posts:

Icimoi · 20/05/2014 22:53

So this was an issue which involved you as a member of your boss's team, to the extent that you were called in to help resolve it. I don't therefore understand how your boss could conceivably not be a member of a "relevant team" for the purpose of this meeting.

I'm assuming that, as you knew she hadn't been invited, you were either involved in deciding who would be, or had a full list of invitees? If you helped draw up the list, why didn't you include your boss? And if you noticed she wasn't on the list, might it have been an idea to point out to senior person that she should be?

LordEmsworth · 20/05/2014 22:53

I often ask meeting organisers to add my boss to invites. She likes to be involved, and actually I think it's a good opportunity for me to show her how great I am in meetings. There is never any awkwardness, if the organiser doesn't want her there they tell me, and I explain to her why she's not invited.

The fact you clearly don't want her there suggests some serious office politics. I guess that you think she is trying to undermine you, and she thinks you are trying to undermine her. Doesn't sound like a very happy atmosphere in your team meetings...

I am with weneedtotalk on "reaching out", unless you are playing buzzword bingo

frizzcat · 20/05/2014 22:54

iswhat

LilacRoses · 20/05/2014 22:54

Just wrote a post that vanished.....however, I just basically said that I obviously don't know the nature of your work or the set up in your office but if my boss asked to be included in any meeting I would gladly include her. I'd be very happy to in fact and even if I wasn't I would pretend that I was because she is my boss! Having said that she is fantastic and highly professional so I know she would add to the meeting rather than make things difficult.

SirChenjin · 20/05/2014 22:54

No, don't tell her that she should speak to the organiser - as Scarlet says, just drop the organiser a note to say 'x asked to be involved and requested I forward the invite. I trust this is OK'

I'm not sure if you're organisationally naive (that's bollock-speak for fairly new to the workplace), but hierarchies exist in organisations whether you like it or not, and it's vital that you give your boss her place in that. You can think privately what you like about her, but you need to respect that hierarchy if you want to get on without rubbing people up the wrong way.

whois · 20/05/2014 22:55

Hey hey guys! Reach out is no way as bad as most business jargon.

Blondie1984 · 20/05/2014 22:56

It's your boss' call as to whether she needs to be there - so forward her the invite, let the organiser know that she wanted to attend and then, post this, perhaps discuss ways of working and role and responsibilities
Also, remember that you are still fairly new in your role, still at impression making stage...

LovelyMarchHare · 20/05/2014 22:56

I too think you might be trying to exclude your boss. If there is a meeting to prevent something significant happening in the future why on earth shouldn't someone more senior than you be in attendance? It isn't very corporate of you to take this on with the very important person whilst pushing your own manager away.

To me it reads that you're hoping to impress the big cheese and it suits you to do this away from your boss.

AndiPandi · 20/05/2014 22:57

In your op you say YOU brought the issue to his attention, was that before or after you told your boss about it?

Original poster

DancerChick · 20/05/2014 22:57

^ Yes but not everyone from every related team has been invited because that would be 200 odd people in one meeting. And not all of them would even have an understanding of the issue because not all of them would have been dealing with it.

You are assuming too much.

I have already said that I was not consulted about the invitees nor do I have the authority to compel anyone to edit the list.

The best I could do was let her know about the problem. Which I did.

OP posts:

Original poster

DancerChick · 20/05/2014 22:58

You are assuming too much.

I have already said that I was not consulted about the invitees nor do I have the authority to compel anyone to edit the list.

The best I could do was let her know about the problem. Which I did.

OP posts:

SirChenjin · 20/05/2014 22:59

Reach out is no way as bad as most business jargon

It's definitely on the list of wank-speak phrases which should be removed forthwith from the workplace

weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 20/05/2014 22:59

My boss is very junior to the gentleman I have mentioned

therefore you are even more junior to him than she is. What's your point here?

I'm trilingual anyway and I wouldn't say English is my first language so believe me when I say I didn't mean that in a patronising way at all

I never thought for one minute you were being patronising, just that your use of language was a bit regrettable in this instance. The fact that English is not your first language explains it. My apologies.

Blondie1984 · 20/05/2014 23:00

Original poster

DancerChick · 20/05/2014 23:01

therefore you are even more junior to him than she is. What's your point here?

That I can't invite people on my own to his meetings?

OP posts:

frizzcat · 20/05/2014 23:01

your loyalty - not you're loyalty

SirChenjin · 20/05/2014 23:03

OP - this is one of those threads where it's simply impossible to deduce who is in the wrong. I'm willing to bet that were your boss to post on here we'd get a completely different picture - all we can go on is what you've posted, and the vast majority of us have said that it sounds very much (to neutral outsiders) that you don't respect your boss and don't recognise her place in the hierarchy to the extent that you should. It might be worth reflecting on that, asking yourself if that could be true, and if so, what could you do to rectify that.

ElizaDolittle2 · 20/05/2014 23:03

If they are your boss they have every right to be there in my opinion. It is not your place to decide otherwise.

You come across as if you are after their job.

You have only been their 5 months!

weneedtotalkaboutshriver · 20/05/2014 23:04

That I can't invite people on my own to his meetings?

Understood: but I am still puzzled. In your OP you said you brought this issue to his (senior manager) attention but later on you said that the senior person came to you about it.

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