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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think that a posh accent is still frightening to many people?

169 replies

MrsWinnibago · 20/05/2014 12:36

I know this will be a bit of an offensive post to some people but I don't mean to be offensive...I'm just really interested in people.

On another thread, a user of MN was advised to get some support in seeking help for her DC with undiagnosed difficulties the poster had found her GP to be useless and dismissive... and the advice was to "Get someone to go with you...the posher and bossier the better."

And I thought Hmm but then I thought yes...she's probably right. A really posh accent and the authority which often goes alongside it, is a bit frightening to some people...they're easily cowed by a public school stance and attitude.

Then I thought about how long it's been since we had "gentry" and peasants but really not that much HAS changed as the fear of the "gentry" is still deeply embedded in the working people of this country...and in the middle classes to some extent too.

When I say "Posh" I mean REALLY posh....not a middle class chap who doesn't drop his H's....I'm not especially cowed by really posh folk...I've been around them a lot due to my work....but they do seem to have an innate ability to take charge of a situation don't they?

OP posts:
Appletini · 21/05/2014 08:15

turgiday I think that's perhaps true in a lot of cases, but by no means all.

doziedoozie · 21/05/2014 08:28

I worked in the NHS in the 70s and if a 'posh' person turned up for treatment then some, not all, senior staff would fawn all over them. Fortunately this is dying out but not entirely.

Lioninthesun · 21/05/2014 08:43

I had a posh accent (went to an Kent Indie) and have drastically altered it after being teased when I went to Guildford for A'levels. I know Surrey vs. Kent is a 'thing' now but it was much worse for me due to my accent. All of the time I was in Surrey I was asked if I was Australian due to the slight differences in 'posh' regional accents. Every time I went to the pub some bright spark would pipe up "What would you know, silver spoon!" or "I bet you've never had to worry about that", mimicking me or similar. It was so frustrating and used to make me feel completely worthless. I would never dream of putting on a common accent to ridicule anyone! I was very good at my job and do think it helped convey professionalism, but I certainly modified it when I wasn't working. I also find I get posher when I am telling DD off. Something about being 'outraged' Grin Have also noticed it more when I read "We're Going on A Bear Hunt" the other day Blush

NigellasDealer · 21/05/2014 09:00

that is funny lioninthesun my DS just this very morning told me to 'stop putting on that posh accent' as I was commanding him to leave the house and get in the car!!
I also had similar experiences to you re the piss taking so have a variety of registers to call on Grin

thegreylady · 21/05/2014 10:21

When I was a child my Grandad told me to:"Bend your knee to no one but shake the hand of any."
Because of this I have never been intimidated by a posh accent or a disdainful manner. I have had tea with a Lord, a 'Sir' is one of ds's godparents. I grew up on a North Eastern council estate. Ladies you are not defined by how you speak but by what you say. Racist remarks in a public school accent are as abhorrent as a stream of obscenities in a rough one...and vice versa.

turgiday · 21/05/2014 10:46

I agree greylady. But most of us "commoners" never meet "Sirs" or "Ladies", except in passing at restaurants and the like.

Nancy66 · 21/05/2014 10:53

I like a posh accent. A genuine one though - not a put on one like Kate Middleton.

Ben Fogle has a nice posh voice.

I bet that far more people are intimidated by a bald bloke with a cockney accent than they are by a lady in tweeds with RP

revolutionarytoad · 21/05/2014 10:55

To be honest I think we have more control over fears re: stuff like this than we want to think, and that perhaps there's an element of comfort we rather enjoy in having these well defined classifications for everyone.
I refuse to be intimidated by anyone on the basis of things like accent- I just see it sacrificing a bit of self esteem when I really needn't do that.
I appreciate for some people it will go deeper than that, maybe I'm lucky I feel I can make a choice about it.
It works both ways too. I don't assume things about people if they have strong regional accents like Yorkshire or Essex. Except that they come from Yorkshire and Essex, think I'm safe there.

What might be more unsettling is a person who projects their voice, enunciates very well and is a bit imposing however well meaning. Posh people are taught to do this probably in whatever way, subliminally, expressly....more than other groups in the UK.

shakethetree · 21/05/2014 11:01

I agree Nancy66 - I'm far more intimidated by common people - they're more Likely to get violent.

turgiday · 21/05/2014 11:15

shake - That is a really offensive stereotype.

Gennz · 21/05/2014 11:16

I assume that's a joke shakethetree Hmm

I am a NZer and I always thought it was interesting how people treated me when I lived in London. Some acted as though I must be fascinated by living in the civilised world and assumed we got our water from the well after living in a mud hut at home (slight exaggeration but not far off), some, clocking references to rugby and skiing, thought I must be quite posh for a Kiwi. (I am just standard middle class, which is what all NZers are, unless they are very very rich or very very poor).

I wasn't even aware of distinctions based on accents because everyone's accent was different from mine, and while I knew that a Liverpudlian sounded different from my next door neighbour in N1, I didn't know what inference I was supposed to draw from that. I think it was good - I've never been intimidated by anyone, and it never occurred to me to treat anyone deferentially because of their voice.

MorrisZapp · 21/05/2014 11:21

I'm more scared of a rough sweary accent as yes, it is more likely to come with violence!

Sorry if that offends but it has been my experience in life, and the crime stats agree with me.

Gennz · 21/05/2014 11:32

I have a mouth like a sailor and I'm blonde, 5'6, lawyer and I've never been violent in my life. I wasn't aware there were crime stats on the correlation between swearing and violence Confused

shakethetree · 21/05/2014 12:23

Crime stats will reveal that most violent crime is committed by the less well educated - one look at the prison population will show you that.

thegreylady · 21/05/2014 12:58

I met Lord B's granddaughter because she had a pony and I was given riding lessons for passing the 11+. We got on and I was invited to tea at a real castle :)
Sadly she went to boarding school soon after and that was that.
Sir D G C was connected to the University in Sierra Leone where dh was lecturing and he became a friend.

mrsnec · 21/05/2014 13:19

It's funny what you say about surrey accents lion, I was born in Epsom, grew up in a surrey village but went to school in Woking. When I moved to Godalming all my friends there were convinced I was from Essex!

Having said that when I moved to the Midlands everyone thought I was really plummy and I once worked as an 18-30 holiday rep and I couldn't do the 5 minute warnings on bar crawls because they sounded so ridiculous in my accent! And nobody took me seriously.

So I haven't a clue what my accent is like. I live abroad now and most ex-pats just guess it's just non descript home counties but I do think there are still stereotypes.

StillWishihadabs · 21/05/2014 13:41

Dh 's dm speaks like the queen, she is really not all that bright and can be quite prejudiced. I think really posh accents for = ill informed and doesn't live in the real world. Even David Cameron drops the odd H.

AlpacaLypse · 21/05/2014 13:49

figgypuddings

Yes I turn it on full blast when complaining in shops etc!

I have a pretty good success rate, I have never failed to get matters sorted.

BlameItOnTheMoonlight · 21/05/2014 14:05

I had a very difficult childhood, with most hardships going.

When we moved house (yet again), aged 7, I remember very clearly deciding to change my accent to become 'posher' so that I was liked more. I'm fairly sure it worked.

Now I do have a fairly posh (not RP but pretty close) accent, as well as a very confident character. I totally related to the OP. I am definitely taken more seriously than people with regional accents a lot of the time.

turgiday · 21/05/2014 14:18

No people with rougher accents are more likely to be convicted of violent crimes and criminal damage. Read about the criminal damage and intimidation caused by members of the Bollinger Club in Eton, no one is ever charged.

And lets be clear that when we talk about violent crimes, it is largely men who are the perpretators.

DearJ17 · 21/05/2014 14:29

YANBU. I come from an upper WC/lower MC sort of background, went to a rough-ish comp followed by posh university and now have a proper establishment job and am surrounded by public school types. So I have become pretty adept at code switching. (The downside is that I suffer from occasional inadvertent accent convergence, which can be a bit embarrassing in the wrong context).

My normal instinct is to mirror the person I'm talking to, which makes sense if you want to build empathy, but I've discovered that when I need to make a complaint or Get Shit Done I get much further if I go maximum posh. It's like putting on the Magic Cloak of Entitlement. I do try to use my powers for good rather than evil...

shakethetree · 21/05/2014 14:35

Well I'd be more intimated in a pub full of Millwall supporters than I would at the Nigel Havers appreciation society - that's all I'm saying.

Jollyphonics · 21/05/2014 14:39

I think really "posh" people are intimidating because we feel that posh voice = money = power and influence. Of course that may not be the reality (someone can sound posh but have very little money), but the association is firmly in our minds.

I'm a GP, and on the rare occasions I see very obviously upper class posh people I find myself thinking "I really mustn't mess up this consultation". Subconsciously I feel that if I make a diagnostic error then they will have the resources to sue me and the power to make me suffer. Don't get me wrong, I always try my very best not to make mistakes, but I only really feel the fear with posh people!

DearJ17 · 21/05/2014 14:42

Incidentally, I also discovered: if you want to pull a WC boy, go a bit MC. If you want to pull a MC boy, vice versa. I have no idea why this works. I think it's because they assume the other is secretly a bit dirtier Grin. Sadly, and to my financial detriment, I never seemed to fancy the posh ones. DH is a secret oik like me. Now I have to work for a living. Curses.

somewherewest · 21/05/2014 15:18

I'm from a very working class background and can't relate to the idea of being of intimidated by an RP accent at all. If anything I'm the opposite - on a subconscious level I tend to equate very posh accents with being a bit dim. Entirely unfair I know....