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Original poster

To think that a posh accent is still frightening to many people?

169 replies

MrsWinnibago · 20/05/2014 12:36

I know this will be a bit of an offensive post to some people but I don't mean to be offensive...I'm just really interested in people.

On another thread, a user of MN was advised to get some support in seeking help for her DC with undiagnosed difficulties the poster had found her GP to be useless and dismissive... and the advice was to "Get someone to go with you...the posher and bossier the better."

And I thought Hmm but then I thought yes...she's probably right. A really posh accent and the authority which often goes alongside it, is a bit frightening to some people...they're easily cowed by a public school stance and attitude.

Then I thought about how long it's been since we had "gentry" and peasants but really not that much HAS changed as the fear of the "gentry" is still deeply embedded in the working people of this country...and in the middle classes to some extent too.

When I say "Posh" I mean REALLY posh....not a middle class chap who doesn't drop his H's....I'm not especially cowed by really posh folk...I've been around them a lot due to my work....but they do seem to have an innate ability to take charge of a situation don't they?

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 20/05/2014 19:16

Exactly Mini. I'm well spoken and have been accused of being posh over the years, as if it's something to be ashamed of - but I wouldn't dream of telling someone they sound common. I'm definitely not scary though Grin

MiniTheMinx · 20/05/2014 19:40

I'm not scary either, having opened my mouth, having been accused of being "posh" I then feel I have to make some extra effort to put people at their ease.

tb · 20/05/2014 19:43

Agree with both the last 2 posters. I wouldn't dream of saying to someone that they sound common, but the reverse just doesn't seem to apply.

I used to get quite upset at being 'accused' of sounding posh. I was born in Oxton, and went to a direct grant school close to where I was born. We all, whether with fee-paying places or local authority places, sounded the same.

I got pissed off with people suggesting I came from somewhere like Oxford, and then getting the obvious opinion that I was somehow a lesser form of intelligence because I wasn't from the South of England.

With 1 parent from Coppull, and the other from Sunderland, both born either before or during WW1 and not allowed to have a regional accent, how the hell was I supposed to sound? IMVHO, normal, which is what I do.

These days, I just get pissed off with "Vous ne parlez pas mal français, mais avec un petit accent anglais". This said in a regional accent that you could cut with a knife!

Hedgehead · 20/05/2014 19:52

RP is interpreted in different ways by different people. To some people I would have an RP accent. To others, I would not even be close.

I think it's hugely relative.

My husband is from the middle east and has a very thick accent. One of his big attractions to me from the beginning - he has said - is my "perfect" English accent. When I meet his friends from the middle east, they always tell me they are very impressed by my voice.

Sometimes my DH will walk into a shop and ask for something and I can see people's eyebrows raising and lots of "TALKING. SLOWLY. LIKE. THIS," and waving and gesticulating. When I come into the shop after him and add something, they always appear completely taken-aback.

However, if you compared me with other people I went to school with, I would sound incredibly common. Also, I feel very intimidated by other people with posh accents!

LadyRabbit · 20/05/2014 20:02

Yes I would agree with the OP. I left public school sounding like Princess Anne and it did me no favours at all, especially not in the field in which I work. I then worked very, very hard at what I thought was 'Estuarising' my accent because I was so afraid people would immediately make assumptions about me based on the way I speak. I think as a result my accent has softened considerably and I no longer field funny remarks on a weekly basis. But when I'm tired I slip back into my natural form of speech. And especially if I've had a few too many! MY DH on the other hand (from an almost identical background to my own) never sounded remotely like a toff - thank God - and has never had to field any of the flack I did as a teenager/young adult. The thing is, neither of us are toffs (which I think is what people dislike more than they dislike posh) and neither would we judge somebody else for the way they speak. But people do, and I can understand why because there is nothing more horrible than being on the receiving end of some patronising old posh person openly patronising you. I've experienced it and it's awful. You can see the cogs working while the other person tries to belittle you.

I didn't see if anybody mentioned it upthread, but I always think of the George Bernard Shaw quote : 'It is impossible for an Englishman to open his mouth without making some other Englishman hate or despise him.' I think it is thankfully less of an issue today, but it's still fairly pertinent.

Preciousbane · 20/05/2014 20:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

maninawomansworld · 20/05/2014 20:33

It's more down to their general demeanour than the actual accent - it's just that the two seem to go hand in hand. if you are the son or daughter or some lord or other, heir to a country pile and all the rest of it then you have very likely had the best education and generally been brought up to be a confident sort who knows how to get what you want.

Onsera3 · 20/05/2014 21:43

After seeing/hearing my DH in certain situations I have to say I agree. Though I believe part of it might be from confidence, possibly acquired from the type of education that gave him the accent.

I have actually heard him changing his accent- dropping initial 'h' sounds etcetera when interacting with people who do the same naturally. I've had him up about it and he says that's his 'man of the people accent'. Seriously!

Glad I'm forrin so don't have to worry about my own.

Appletini · 21/05/2014 06:33

Posh accent doesn't always = sheltered life. I have an accent that could best be described as "posh London". I grew up in an abusive household, was neglected, lots of bad stuff.

And I think people maybe didn't question my parents because they sounded posh eg dentist never thought to question my mum regarding the poor state of my teeth.

I do find I get good results with complaints etc but I'm polite and firm rather than mardy.

shakethetree · 21/05/2014 07:01

I love a posh accent ( & I mean public school posh not pretend posh ) it's a sign of good breeding & intelligence. Not sure why anyone would find a posh person frightening though, they're usually very charming.

But then I'm a peasant so anything impresses me. ( apart from the quasi middle-classes who are just annoying )

nooka · 21/05/2014 07:05

I come from quite a 'posh' family and have had plenty of gyp about my accent ('fnah fnah' type comments) growing up in South London. I don't have a very good ear for accents and am not very good at modulation (five years living in Canada hasn't changed it much either). However I'm much less posh sounding than some of my older relatives who are really quite patrician (much more so than Kate Middleton), and I've seen that working both for and against them (my mother for example has no idea that at times she sounds quite intimidating and that has hurt her socially).

One funny thing is that now we live in North America dh with his Sarf Lunden type accent is always identified as English, whereas I've had all sorts (Kiwi, South African etc). On the other hand it's nice to live somewhere where accents really really don't matter - we're just foreign now Grin

Eastpoint · 21/05/2014 07:09

Onsera my DH has a man of the people voice too & it just sounds completely wrong - stresses in the wrong place, wrong sounds broadened but he won't believe me. My accent used to be quite RP but we lived abroad for a long time and I've lost it now. I can speak several languages & don't sound English when I speak them, I wonder if this is an advantage of convergence?

turgiday · 21/05/2014 07:23

I always remember going to a Hilton on a cheap weekend deal. The hotel was full of working class/lower middle class people. But there was one very posh couple there.

The staff were rather obviously deferential to this posh couple. It wasnt in any situation where assertiveness or articulacy counted. Just at breakfast asking for coffee for example. But whereas with the rest of us the staff were efficient but certainly not intimidated, they seemed to be intimidated purely by this couples posh accent.

I have seen the same type of scenario from cashiers in newsagents.

People with common accents like mine, are treated differently by some in authority no matter how confident and articulate we are.

turgiday · 21/05/2014 07:26

Appletini - I am sorry to hear you grew up in an abusive household. I think anyone with any knowledge of abuse knows that wealthy and posh families can be abusive, just like poor ones. But when I hear a very posh accent, I do assume that the person will not have had to deal with real poverty, and probably doesnt really understand it.

FyreFly · 21/05/2014 07:33

I don't think I have a particularly posh accent, but at uni I was the posh one, and I'm still the posh one in my job now.

I don't think I've noticed any difference between peoples responses to me or someone else in this country, but if you take it to America a good British accent can work wonders. I've seen some snooty shopkeepers in upmarket places (of course I'm not dressed up, it's nearly 40 degrees outside!) do such a 180 when I open my mouth I'm amazed their makeup stayed on. I'm not going to lie, it's pretty entertaining.

turgiday · 21/05/2014 07:40

Fyrefly - If you are so posh as to be labelled the posh one, people in the UK who don't know you, will react differently to you because of your accent, even if you don't notice it.

FyreFly · 21/05/2014 07:43

Possibly turgiday but I'm struggling to think of any examples. I'm quite a quiet person who doesn't like to rock the boat so I usually don't argue much about things - perhaps I should!

doziedoozie · 21/05/2014 07:43

The staff were rather obviously deferential to this posh couple

But I think it's that it's the couples' obvious high expectations (and therefore higher chance of complaining) that causes the 'deferential' treatment. Possibly if you were a loud 'commoner' you too would get fussed over.

pianodoodle · 21/05/2014 07:43

.but they do seem to have an innate ability to take charge of a situation don't they?

Not as well as a Northern Irish accent on the war path :D

figgypuddings · 21/05/2014 07:46

Question for those with a cut glass accent - are you aware of the power of your accent and have you ever used it on full power in order to achieve something for your own gain?

turgiday · 21/05/2014 07:51

Dozie - I disagree. They were saying exactly the same things to the staff as other people. And I have stayed in very posh hotels so know what good service is, I can tell you the staff were fine, but not at all deferential to me.

turgiday · 21/05/2014 07:53

I would love to see a hidden camera show where some actors went out and about, first of all talking in a "common" accent, and then a posh one. I am sure there would be very real differences in how the same individual was treated.

I am actually surprised at those who are implying it makes no difference. We all know that people are treated differently by strangers if they are dressed in particular ways. Why should accent be any different?

Taz1212 · 21/05/2014 08:02

DS(12) has a posh Edinburgh accent. It's really funny when he's around us because he sounds SO different to the rest of us . He gets some good natured ribbing from his local friends but keeps chattering away- I'm not sure he's really aware of how much his accent stands out.

Aspiringhuman · 21/05/2014 08:08

IME too many people seem to assume you're thick if you have a regional accent. Admittedly I'm no where near the standard of high flyers but I tend to know more and understand more than I'm given credit for.

ExcuseTypos · 21/05/2014 08:14

I'm northern working class and used to feel very intimidated by a posh accent. I always assumed they were highly intelligent and "knew best".
I then moved down south and because of Dh's family, came into contact with a lot of "posh people". It was quite a shock to realise that a posh accent means jack shit where intelligence is concernedGrin
After being down here for 25 years I really take everyone as they come and have taught my comp educated children that posh accent does not mean intelligence. I think more of us need to do that.