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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think SIL shouldn't phone me when I babysit for her

508 replies

Mrssodapop · 19/05/2014 19:48

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today I will try to tell the full story from the start. I have babysat sometimes for my brother, looking after his 3 year old dd which has always been fine except I think his wife is very anxious because she always calls while I'm looking after her daughter. Yesterday I looked after their dd all day and she called about half an hour after leaving her to see if she had settled. I told her she was fine and asked her not to phone again because everything was fine and I wanted to get on with the day with all the kids together (I've got 2). She got upset and asked why she couldn't phone and said she might want to call later in the day to let us know when she's on her way back. I said ok but was irritated by her checking up on me although she said she wasn't checking up on me but that she wanted to feel she could call to see how her dd was. Anyway, she phoned after lunch and I didn't pick up and was busy so didn't call back. I picked up her call when she was on her way back (about 4 hours later) but she was very uppity and was upset that I hadn't returned her call. Today my brother phones furious that I told her I didn't want her to keep on phoning me. In the end I've said I don't want to babysit for them again and now they're really hurt. They're also cross that I didn't put their dd in overalls when she painted and they said her clothes are ruined. There's a big family bbq coming up and I'm dreading it now.

OP posts:

Janethegirl · 19/05/2014 23:34

Actually my name is jane

FunnyFoot · 19/05/2014 23:35

Ahhh I thought it was Janet He Girl.

So what would you rename me?

Janethegirl · 19/05/2014 23:36

Not I good idea that I respond to that

thebodylovesspring · 19/05/2014 23:37

See I can get the ops irritation but it's not a big ask to reassure her sil is it? Mountain out of molehill and a bit ott to be so ott if you see what I mean.

EasyTigeress · 19/05/2014 23:37

To be totally honest op your post saying you could have called her back is a bit twisted.

Your SIL was anxious, you knew this and you still decided to ignore her (the parents) wishes. If this was how you felt you should have said to babysitting from word go. Not agreed then do the opposite of what Mum wanted. It's controlling.

In saying that I'm surprised they want you to babysit again. In her position I certainly wouldn't.

FunnyFoot · 19/05/2014 23:38

Why ever not.

EasyTigeress · 19/05/2014 23:39

No to babysitting*

mimishimmi · 19/05/2014 23:39

Have no idea why they would be upset that you asked to only babysit for them in emergencies in future either, especially since you wouldn't take/return calls. Wasn't that already the case or were you providing a fair bit of free long hours care?

Janethegirl · 19/05/2014 23:40

Not polite

Dazoo · 19/05/2014 23:40

The mother called half an hour after leaving her and was told the dd was fine. Why the op is being strung up and quartered for not answering one call, yes it was one call, is going totally over my head. The fact that the patents are mixing two issues here - not answering one call and "clothes being ruined" suggests, to me and a sane few more pettiness than that most seem to be suggesting the op showed. If something is wrong the aunt will let you know... Jesus. I am fine with babysitting others' kids but if it comes with the stress of reassuring childish adults, leave me out.

Dazoo · 19/05/2014 23:42

Parents, not patents

Janethegirl · 19/05/2014 23:42

Me too Dazoo :)

HicDraconis · 19/05/2014 23:43

Every time I've left my children in childcare I've been encouraged to call at any time if I'm concerned. I wouldn't trust a childcare provider that didn't encourage this!

I spent hours on the wards answering phone calls to anxious relatives - often about the same patient. They weren't checking up on my medical ability, they were checking up on their loved relative and asking after them. I didn't once begrudge the calls and I actively encouraged worried families to call for reassurance even if it was 2.30am.

It's nothing to do with trust or lack of it, and everything to do with showing concern for your child. Her child, op. Not yours, even if you treat her like one. Your Sil's child and therefore her prerogative to phone as many times as she damn well likes.

Your choice not to babysit if you can't accept that, obviously.

slithytove · 19/05/2014 23:44

Agreed dazoo.

OP, do you usually babysit a lot?

slithytove · 19/05/2014 23:44

Op isn't a childcare provider, she was doing a favour, a long favour at that.

Susyb30 · 19/05/2014 23:49

Just because the mother called and was told dd was fine, does that mean she shouldn't call rest of the day? She has every right to, and "childish parents" I think op was being childish. .deliberately not answering phone to prove some kind of point. .thats not only childish but very unkind. (Am I going to be told off again for my "aggression" jane) :-)

FunnyFoot · 19/05/2014 23:50

Nah Janes too polite for that Susby

thebodylovesspring · 19/05/2014 23:53

hobnob totally agree with you with a sane and sensible hat on. You are spot on.

However quick reassurance, text not a big deal to one person but a hell of a lot to others.

Dazoo · 19/05/2014 23:55

Wards - hospitals, ill patients maybe? Childcare - paying for it? Babysitting for sil - aunt looking after child w two cousins, and possibly enjoying painting- oh and one call answered, child was settled. One call not answered = devil incarnate. The op had 3 to amuse and it sounds like they had a good time, I think she did a good job.

My facetious suggestion is that Next time she can shackle them all in the cellar and answer the phone every 15 mins and pretend they're painting

HicDraconis · 20/05/2014 00:03

Every time I've left my children with a sitter I have called to check everyone was ok. And had texts throughout the day or evening letting me know that things were good.

The difference I guess is that I don't see a few calls asking after my children as a personal attack on the abilities of the people to whom I have entrusted their care. OP does /shrug.

thebodylovesspring · 20/05/2014 00:09

I think it was the ops ignoring the call to teach her a lesson that sounded a bit harsh even if she was really irritated.

Still we can't all be the same can we.

Personally I think it's a shame that a family row has been caused over nothing at all of importance really. Bit sad.

Dazoo · 20/05/2014 00:12

On that I agree, Hic, I wouldn't see it as an attack but it would annoy me, maybe not if I were a plain babysitter, but as an aunt when their child was with cousin it would.

RedSpringer · 20/05/2014 00:13

My exH rings 2-3 times a day to check on our DD, see what she is upto & ask if she is ok etc. I don't think for a second he is checking up on me, he is ringing because he is thinking of her.
When exH or one of my friends/family has DD I text or ring to check as & when I feel like it, if someone got the hump with that then I wouldn't want their help anyway. YABU.
Tbh it sounds like you just don't like your sil & look for reasons to eye roll at her.

Dazoo · 20/05/2014 00:15

I have read the thread - perhaps I missed that post as I only saw two posts by the op and didn't see she said she was teaching the sil a lesson.

Dazoo · 20/05/2014 00:17

Your ex calls every day? You are a saint!

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