To think SIL shouldn't phone me when I babysit for her

[Mrssodapop]

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today I will try to tell the full story from the start. I have babysat sometimes for my brother, looking after his 3 year old dd which has always been fine except I think his wife is very anxious because she always calls while I'm looking after her daughter. Yesterday I looked after their dd all day and she called about half an hour after leaving her to see if she had settled. I told her she was fine and asked her not to phone again because everything was fine and I wanted to get on with the day with all the kids together (I've got 2). She got upset and asked why she couldn't phone and said she might want to call later in the day to let us know when she's on her way back. I said ok but was irritated by her checking up on me although she said she wasn't checking up on me but that she wanted to feel she could call to see how her dd was. Anyway, she phoned after lunch and I didn't pick up and was busy so didn't call back. I picked up her call when she was on her way back (about 4 hours later) but she was very uppity and was upset that I hadn't returned her call. Today my brother phones furious that I told her I didn't want her to keep on phoning me. In the end I've said I don't want to babysit for them again and now they're really hurt. They're also cross that I didn't put their dd in overalls when she painted and they said her clothes are ruined. There's a big family bbq coming up and I'm dreading it now.

If you want better luck on AIBU then maybe you should check your attitude at the door OP because frankly it stinks.

You seem to put your feelings of importance above those of an anxious mother just because you have some control. Does it make you feel good?

I am pleased you are not babysitting again maybe now the family will find someone less controlling and spiteful who will have some understanding of their feelings.

And if you didn't quite pick up on the tone of my post YABVU.

I agree thebody they will never agree on child care because they have such differing ideas of what is necessary or acceptable contact terms. I am so glad I put my Dcs into childcare near my workplace and could check them as needed. In the early stages it was every lunchtime as they were both efb until around 8 months.....easy done as u was only 5 minutes away though!!

Good Grief. Imagine if a nursery had to answer all these calls because empathasizing with nervous neurotic parents calling was more important than getting on with the day. Give the op a break, she wasn't purposely teaching the sil a lesson. They trust her, the kid was having fun painting.

Sorry 'I' not 'u'

YABU.

The body, i do understand anxiety, but it needs to be managed to stop it becoming the upper hand.
Would phoning your dd every few hours prevented her being in that awful accident? (my sympathies, it must have been very stressful)
You were presumably told when it happened, same with your adult dc, if there is an issue you would find out, as would the sil in this case. If there had been a problem then of course the op would have let her knoew

If I baby sat a nephew/niece and they said they needed to check up every few hours then I wouldn't be happy. They can be "hurt"? They should just get someone else, ffs. Babysitting, once the trust is in place, is about looking after the child, not pandering to a parent's neediness.

Yabu, very.it just gets worse by each post.
Don't blame the sil i bet your brother is just as pissed.

Exactly dazoo

I am amazed at the replies on here.
Of course YANBU

Totally agree with what MaryZ said a couple of pages back.

I too would have become annoyed at being 'checked up upon'. If you don't trust someone to be able to look after your dc, then don't leave her with them - this was a 3 yr old, playing with her cousins, not a new parent leaving baby for the first time.

If I'm babysitting and the parent rings me then I am more than happy to have a quick chat and share with them what their dc has been doing. It's not exactly a huge ordeal is it.

People aren't always going to agree but by god op you have made a mountain out of a molehill. I think disregarding somebody's feeling is actually very cruel and it wouldn't have hurt you to just communicate with your sil

YABU about the phone calls and they are being unreasonable about being upset you won't babysit for them.

If someone said that to me when I had called to check up on my DC I would havecome and got them then, because after that I wouldn't trust them.

So no further problems, you won't babysitfor them and therefore they wowon't call you.

Our nursery don't mind - if he's been fussy at drop off they say 'he'll be fine, we'll look after him - give us a bell if you're worried'

they have someone on reception. A phone call takes 2 minutes.

Dazoo Actually both nurseries that dd attends encourage a phone call in half an hour or so if child is upset on drop off. It's one of the reasons that I am happy to leave her there for 8 hours at a time and don't worry.

The Op said that she could have answered but she thought "it would be good for" her SIL to learn to trust her.

The trouble is that all that happened is that now SIL doesn't trust her to answer the phone.

I would have been very pissed off if you hadnt bothered to answer my phone calls. .no wonder sil was angry. Who do you think you are? Its their child..its what mothers do. Their dd is only 3 and you have a problem with phonecalls? She wouldn't be checking up on you..just wanting to see how her dd is. You have no right to be pissed of..they do. Your attitude is so wrong.

backfor the op wasn't being checked up on - the child was.

susyb you are being far too aggressive for your own good, go take a chill pill.

How is susbys post aggressive?

I thought mine was mare aggressive tbh.

Janet you are being far too patronising for your own good. Stop. It's unpleasant and makes you look silly.

No I think susyb is more aggressive than yours funnyfoot by a big margin, but that's my pov.

Wow, MrsSodaPop, I may be wrong but I'm picking up a certain level of self-absorption here. You wanted her to trust you so you completely ignored her call for FOUR HOURS?? Well there's nothing like blanking someone to instill a sense of deep trust.

As others have said, two calls in four hours is definitely not excessive. Her third call doesn't count as it was a follow-up to the blanking one.

You've made a lot of her apparent overanxiety; I wonder whether in fact it's you who's highly strung and perhaps you're trying to transfer that characteristic onto her? Perhaps she does genuinely have reason to mistrust you but her brother has reassured her that he thinks you're reliable, and for some reasonable reason she's not convinced?

Or perhaps her calling up to check how things are has absolutely nothing to do with you whatsoever - their DD might have previously expressed worry about being left with someone else, or left with you, or any manner of things unrelated to you. Which would explain the long goodbye - perhaps she was trying to reassure a worried DD?

I've not seen any indication that you're reflecting on your part in the matter - instead you're throwing the blame all back onto her. If it is actually the case that she genuinely doesn't trust you, the first thing you should be asking yourself is not 'What's wrong with her', but 'What's wrong with me?' Relationships are a two-way street, y'know.

funnyfoot I think you are misnamed

So what should I call myself Janet?

YABU, I think it's very common to check up just after leaving to make sure kids have settled. I have done it and so have friends I have babysat for. I dont think it was any kind of reflection on your abilities.

My post is aggressive?? Are you being serious lol.