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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think SIL shouldn't phone me when I babysit for her

508 replies

Mrssodapop · 19/05/2014 19:48

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today Wink I will try to tell the full story from the start. I have babysat sometimes for my brother, looking after his 3 year old dd which has always been fine except I think his wife is very anxious because she always calls while I'm looking after her daughter. Yesterday I looked after their dd all day and she called about half an hour after leaving her to see if she had settled. I told her she was fine and asked her not to phone again because everything was fine and I wanted to get on with the day with all the kids together (I've got 2). She got upset and asked why she couldn't phone and said she might want to call later in the day to let us know when she's on her way back. I said ok but was irritated by her checking up on me although she said she wasn't checking up on me but that she wanted to feel she could call to see how her dd was. Anyway, she phoned after lunch and I didn't pick up and was busy so didn't call back. I picked up her call when she was on her way back (about 4 hours later) but she was very uppity and was upset that I hadn't returned her call. Today my brother phones furious that I told her I didn't want her to keep on phoning me. In the end I've said I don't want to babysit for them again and now they're really hurt. They're also cross that I didn't put their dd in overalls when she painted and they said her clothes are ruined. There's a big family bbq coming up and I'm dreading it now.

OP posts:
PeanutButterAndMarmite · 20/05/2014 06:49

YANBU

Really very Hmm at the majority of posts on this thread.

Moxiechick · 20/05/2014 06:50

YABU. I ring a few times to check on my 9 month old even if she's with her dad. I couldn't leave her with someone who didnt want to allow that.

Pleasejustgo · 20/05/2014 06:56

Your reptilian like coldheartedness is quite astonishing as is your

Your reptilian cold hearted emotional detachment is awe inspiring. Do you really hold SIL is such contempt and why?

Pleasejustgo · 20/05/2014 06:57

Meant to say as is your contempt of SIL. Why do you dislike her so much?

OwlCapone · 20/05/2014 07:01

I find it amusing that the OP called the SIL "highly strung" given her own behaviour.

diddl · 20/05/2014 07:03

ou feel that she rejects you, but you cba to answer the phone when you know she's anxious?

You could at least have rung back/sent a text when convenient to you.

I'm sure she wasn't expecting you to be waiting for her to call, but in the end she called wht, three times?

That's hardly excessive, is it?

Once to see that her child had settled, once in the middleish of the day (which you ignored) & once to say she was on her way back.

And you used to give her advice because you already had kids.

That coupled with thinking that ignoring a call is best for her I'm not surprised she wants to back away.

And I love the way you say you won't be babysitting again-as if they'll care!!

SpecialAgentFreyPie · 20/05/2014 07:11

Agree with Peanut

OwlCapone · 20/05/2014 07:14

I think she was phoning because she doesn't trust me and I find that insulting although my brothers says that's not the problem, he says they did trust me.

Well, they aren't able to trust you are they? I wouldn't trust someone who ignored my phone calls whilst they were looking after my child. I also wouldn't be happy with someone who kept trying to give me unwanted advice, undermining my parenting.

I suppose I feel like their child is like one of my own cos they're so close in age

Well she isn't your child. She is their child and you should follow their wishes.

lougle · 20/05/2014 07:20

This is so all about you!

Why should your SIL take your advice just because you've had children before? Why should she allow you to babysit before she's ready to leave her child?

Personally I think it's normal to phone/text part way through a long babysit. I took my SIL's children (9 and 6) to school for her last week. Her DH dropped them off at my house at 8 am. I took them to school at 8.40am. I got a text from her to check they were OK and went in to school OK. Perfectly normal. SIL had dd2 overnight. We text in the morning, text at lunchtime and then again late afternoon. Totally normal.

What's not normal is seeing communication as a judgement on you.

CoffeeTea103 · 20/05/2014 07:22

The more you post the nastier you sound. Your poor children, I'm sure they don't get a say in anything.

basgetti · 20/05/2014 07:31

Why would it create bad feeling that she didn't want to leave her baby when she was really little? That's normal. You sound worse with every post.

Chippednailvarnish · 20/05/2014 07:36

I bet your Sil breathing a sigh or relief that she'll no longer have to entertain leaving her DD with you.

northlight · 20/05/2014 07:36

This might not be relevant here but the OP's remark about her SIL taking ages to say goodbye, to the extent that she was holding up a planned departure, reminds me of my own SIL.

An incredible narcissist, she could not bear to think that her children would be fine without her. She wanted to believe that they would miss her desperately and pine for her return. If they were happy to let her go, she would hang around and go on and on about how they were not to worry and she'd be back soon and she'd miss them until they were upset. Then she would leave.

Her mother, bless her, told me that she always told her that they were usually fine before she got to the end of the road (which they were).

Natural worry by a mother YABU. Grandstanding by a narcissist YANBU.

EasyTigeress · 20/05/2014 07:37

Sykadelic you're right it isn't the first time she babysat or received phone calls so she knew SIL was anxious and would phone. She may have asked her not to ring but to me that's not her call. If she doesn't like it she should have said no to babysitting (like she has done now).

Can you imagine if you were anxious and the person looking after your child decided themselves you had no right to check in of you felt the need.

It's very controlling behaviour.

WorkingBling · 20/05/2014 07:38

Oh come on now. Surely this is a windup. You consistently gave her unsolicited advice when she had a new born because you felt that you knew better simply because you already had children?! And you tried to force her to let you care for her child while the child was still very young and she was not comfortable?

As I expected, you have never liked her and for whatever reason you are using her child as a tool to make that clear. I really hope your children are girls because I feel sorry for any dil you may have one day.

EasyTigeress · 20/05/2014 07:40

Just the your last post OP. You are controlling and just because you're a parent doesn't mean anyone should take your advice. You sound like you are score settling and I find that quite disgusting.

basgetti · 20/05/2014 07:41

I would say in this case the narcissist is more likely to be the person who throws a strop because another mother won't take unsolicited advice or leave a tiny baby with her.

Darksideofthemoon88 · 20/05/2014 07:43

I quite agree, CoffeeTea Hmm

Icelollycraving · 20/05/2014 07:43

Yabvu. The more you post,the more unlikeable you sound.
So,because she doesn't listen to you,the parenting guru,she is an over anxious mother. Funny how her dh is completely backing her up,but it's all about her.
I assume they are dodging the barbecue because of your unreasonable behaviour & judging.
Take a long hard look at yourself!

Original poster
Mrssodapop · 20/05/2014 07:48

I can see how I'm not coming across very well but if you knew my sil you'd understand. She is immature, anxious and takes offence at advice, she thinks she knows best about everything but she lacks experience. I am older than her and had kids earlier and just think I am in a good position to sort of guide her a bit. Perhaps she doesn't want that though, this is what this shown me, the responses to my posts.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 20/05/2014 07:49

Gosh what a nasty piece of work you are sounding. I was aghast at your op. But everything you've posted subsequently has been even more alarming.

I don't bother going into all the reasons yabu. They are many and varied. Not least of which is that you have deprived yourself and your kids of the company of your DN. You've cut your nose off to spite your face in your haste to "punish" your SiL for having the temerity to be anxious.

I think you owe your SiL and db a fulsome apology and you need to have along hard think about why you treat people so shabbily.

puntasticusername · 20/05/2014 07:50

You're right, OP - she doesn't seem to want your advice and you really should try not to take that personally. It is NOT about you. It's about HER and what SHE wants for HER children.

thebodylovesspring · 20/05/2014 07:50

Op I think it's Definatly for the best that you don't babysit for your sil anymore and I expect they won't ask you either so that's all good. Grin

Pehaps you could spend your free time writing a parenting book ? Grin

BitOutOfPractice · 20/05/2014 07:51

X post. And still you believe it's all your SIL's fault.

Dear op you are the immature one here. You really don't see how rude and nasty you've been do you?

If I was your SiL hell would freeze over before you looked after my kids again.

Atbeckandcall · 20/05/2014 07:52

You haven't helped. It's irrelevant that you're older/not anxious/immature.

You should be handing out advice unless it's asked for. You're effectively undermining her as a mother.

Also, age has no bearing on how good a mother you are. I know a lady who became a mother in her thirties, she's hopeless, the other became one at 19 and is brilliant.

And maybe she thought your advice was rubbish!