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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want the bank cashier to call me "love"?

126 replies

MrsWinnibago · 19/05/2014 14:11

AIBU to be a bit Hmm at the cashier repeatedly calling me "love" when I went in today to pay some cash into Dh's account?

He called the man after me "Sir" and I just felt that it wasn't really on...if he didn't know my name as it wasn't my account, he could have gone for calling me nothing surely?

OP posts:
ILoveCoreyHaim · 19/05/2014 17:15

I might sound really stupid but I have always wondered where does up North start if your down south (now I'm trying to think where I think down south starts being in Newcastle)

HappyAgainOneDay · 19/05/2014 17:27

I've used a local cab company twice this weekend for long journeys each way (broken arm so couldn't drive myself). The driver called me Madam throughout. That's how companies should address their customers if they really want them to return. Sir if it's a man.

I don't like Love or Duck or anything else unless it's Mrs Happy. That's how people should be addressed.

oldgrandmama · 19/05/2014 17:34

Oh hell, I call everyone under the age of 16 'darling' ... like when I went to watch the Arsenal victory parade in Islington yesterday, and a ten year old boy was stuck behind me, so I pulled him in front of me so he could see, and called him 'darling' ..., sometimes I do vary the nomenclature, and say 'sweetheart'. By the way, no-one has ever objected.

SlimJiminy · 19/05/2014 17:44

ILoveCoreyHaim I was chatting to a friend-of-a-friend from Southampton once who told me she'd been up North before. When I asked where abouts, she said "Bristol" Grin

ILoveCoreyHaim · 19/05/2014 17:54

Lol slim, that's what I mean and how I get confused. Bristol down south to me I think Grin

Rafflesway · 19/05/2014 18:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KeepOnKeepingOnAndOnAndOnAndOn · 19/05/2014 19:09

Who cares?! Too much time on your hands if you ask me- or an inflated sense of self - importance... If the guys was being friendly/ efficient / polite why would you care? He will surely mean no harm by it I am sure.

PatrickStarisabadbellend · 19/05/2014 19:15

From now on I will snarl and throw the change at my customers in case I offend anyone Grin

intheenddotcom · 19/05/2014 19:32

In the north it's just a term of address like 'mate' in certain parts of the south. I find it nice and not patronising.

SuperSophie · 19/05/2014 19:38

Calling a male customer 'Sir' seems normal in a decent quality face-to-face business environment but to call a woman 'Madam' - unless its a very posh environment - always seems old-fashioned and rather false.

I'd prefer 'Love' to 'Madam'.

But I'd rather be 'Madam' than 'Dickhead'.

Original poster
MrsWinnibago · 19/05/2014 20:11

Super what bollocks. If he's being called Sir then I want Madam! Or it's Love and Mate all round thank you very much!

OP posts:
maddy68 · 19/05/2014 20:22

Really? It's a northern thing. Around here everyone is called love. It's a term of endearment. I really like it. So much more friendly

stayanotherday · 19/05/2014 20:23

Yes it's lovely and friendly.

TheGirlFromIpanema · 19/05/2014 20:32

I remember DDs dad being in shock the first time another man called him love, he was waiting for the man to realise his mistake and correct himself but that never happened.

I considered it as his official welcome to Leeds Grin

matildasquared · 19/05/2014 20:32

I'm on the fence about "love" (looff). When I came to Yorkshire from the US, I was really startled to be called "love," or "my lovely" by randoms. It sounded weirdly intimate. I've grown used to it BUT it can be used in a really patronising way. Like if I'm at the courthouse (for work) and the security guard calls me "love" whilst giving me the security scanNO. Or if there are workmen in my house and they call my husband "Mr. [Squared]" and me "love"NO.

My husband has told me, "Oh yeah men get called love in Yorkshire too!" but I have never once heard this in seven years in Yorkshire. Never.

In the US I got into the habit of saying, "dear," and "hon." I think it's an African-American thing and I got it from my co-workers. It just sounds kind. The only time my husband "corrected" me here in the UK was when I first arrived, we went out to dinner and I thanked the server, calling her "dear." When she went away he put his hand on mine and quietly advised me that I might not like to say that in England.

Shallishanti · 19/05/2014 20:37

absolutely, it's all about parity of address
(proud for inventing term)
female customer-love
male customer-love.....all fine
female customer-love
male customer -sir....NOT fine, most especially if coming from a man.

shggg245 · 19/05/2014 21:03

I don't call people love but feel happy when people call me love. It's usually in shops as in 'yes love' to mean what can I get you?

Just friendly and sincere. I hate madam or even worse ma'am sounds subservient and false to my Yorkshire ears. So if you are in Yorkshire you abu imo.

shggg245 · 19/05/2014 21:13

Think it depends on where you are in the world. I found it endearing / unusual / amusing when Americans call me Ma'am but it's normal in the states - would seem really odd in Barnsley!

matildasquared · 19/05/2014 21:27

I've turned a corner in the last couple of years: I used to like being called affectionate names by strangers in that kind of context. Being called Mrs [Squared] would just make me laugh.

But lately I've felt like it's fine to call me Mrs. [Squared], because that's my name. And I have a feeling that most strangers affecting a smarmy, faux-familiar, affectionate tone with me are trying to hustle me.

NearTheWindymill · 19/05/2014 21:35

My DH is from up north and doesn't call people "love".

I think it depends on context. A member of my team who is male and "older" calls junior and staff under 35 "love". He wouldn't dream of calling his male director "love" or indeed me "love". It's patronising, condescending and I feel rather passive aggressive. I'm wondering how best to deal with it.

I call people "darling" all the time.

BuggersMuddle · 19/05/2014 21:44

YANBU There's a barista at my work who must be all of 20 max and calls everyone 'my love'.

It's so bloody false because she has a face like a torn arse most of the time, but then a customer pops up and the bright smile comes on and it's 'my love' this and 'my love' that. I'm in Scotland and find it bloody odd. (She's also Scottish BTW). Especially as I'm middle management in an office environment, so it a bit jarring when I go for a coffee as I wouldn't call my direct reports or other junior staff love / pet / hen or anything else.

Sir, madam or nothing. 'What can I get you?' doesn't really need a qualifier.

Now back home, I expect 'hen' but that's a regional thing.

BuggersMuddle · 19/05/2014 21:45

I'm not totally unreasonable. I did have a colleague who called everyone she knew well my love / my lovely / sweetie. It was an affectation of hers that was true of her private life and bugger all to do with seniority. She'd never had pulled it in a meeting though!

blackcats73 · 19/05/2014 21:49

I hate being called Hun it makes my blood boil.

lostmymarblesbutfoundthewine · 19/05/2014 22:00

I'm oop north and call my customers love or by their first name or last name. some customers are just plain miserable or uptight. I say the bare minimum to them. not wasting my effort on misery guts

MB34 · 19/05/2014 22:07

Yanbu. I hate being called anything like that (hun, babe, darling, love) by anyone especially strangers! One girl in work has taken to calling everyone 'bird'!

I was called 'babe' in Tesco the other day (by a woman) and said, rather loudly while walking away, I'm not your babe! Makes my blood boil!