To have never realised before how much of a stigma it was to work when you have children?

[itsmethechubbyfunster]

My mum always worked FT... most of my friends mums worked full time...

I am a single parent so HAVE to work, but I work four days a week to get a bit of balance. I love my job, and I love my child, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I genuinely never considered that there was a stigma about going to work - I know it's not what some would chose but lots of my friends (without children) have made some veiled (and not so veiled) comments about me working 'too much'.

My SIL (disclaimer: crazy) once said 'but if you got a call saying he was blue or something you'd be able to leave work right?'

I don't know, maybe I'm just being oversensitive but I seem to hear comments (not about me in particular just generally) about people 'leaving others to raise their children' etc all the time these days and I don't get it... what's the alternative in this day and age with money so tight??

My friend tried to tell me that it would be much better to just claim benefits so I can stay home with him as these are his main formative years...

When did it stop being a personal choice and start being child neglect?! I never ever noticed this before I had my baby!

AIBU?

context^

Well it seems some ppl do want to be rude then doesn't it?

Saying "I could say...[insert insult] but I won't" simply does not negate the insult.
And really most of the posts have been expressing the disappointment that women are slating for their lifestyles. That is the context. So, in response to someone doing that, it seems unreasonable to respond in kind just because the other poster "started it".
The reposte wasn't aimed at the pp, it was insult all wohms, and I took it as such.

I really don't think she was 'responding in kind' though - just demonstrating that SAHMs could be just as unpleasant if they chose do.

I actually find it quite surprising and impressive how restrained and polite SAHMs on MN usually are depite the condescension and rudeness they are routinely subjected to.

Saying "I could say...[insert insult] but I won't" simply does not negate the insult

It does if you bother to read it in context.

The reposte wasn't aimed at the pp, it was insult all wohms, and I took it as such.

Did you get to the last line of her post?

SAHP are not spongers, working parents are not bad parents etc etc. Get your head out of the DM dear

It's absolutely clear that it was not a dig at all working parents. I suggest you stop looking for insults where there are none.

OTOH, it is clear that Windchime thinks all SAHM are spongers. (Although I can't find her original post easily on the ipad so can't see it in context). What the "sponger" people fail to comprehend is that a SAHM effectively saves £££ in childcare costs so could be seen as bringing that amount of money into the family pot.

Hmm the lengthy op from MN re MN policy in the run up to the election on site stuff giving no mention at all of SAHP on a parenting site kind of illustrates the stigma of being one these days.

You are invisible,your role isn't valued,you shouldn't be one regardless of what is best for your children and family.

Even parenting sites have this view.

Yy to Fide re the restraint SAHP have to show.WP can be as rude,passive aggressive,belittling and as derogatory as they like.Not so SAHP.

Here you go Owl - Windchime's original post was;

I work PT because I believe there is no pride to be gained from sponging off your partner. I tried that for a year and hated it. I love having my own money and I am lucky enough to be able to share the childcare with family. You never know what is going to happen down the line, so it pays to have one foot on the career ladder, with a little slush money on the side.

Odd. Apparently accepting free childcare from extended family isn't sponging but pooling financial resources with a spouse is

It's hardly a stigma. Since having children I've worked, worked part time, and been at home, and the only place I've ever seen anyone getting any grief for those choices is here on Mumsnet. For all it's much-vaunted supportiveness, what this place mainly seems to do is make women feel safe enough to be properly nasty to each other.

My DSis has the double whammy of not only returning to work after a short maternity leave, but also being the main 'breadwinner' by a significant margin.

Non of my family ever gave it a second thought as my mum and dad both worked in demanding careers.

I have been shocked by the number of people out there who have pulled up their judgey pants and claimed that she is in some way less of a mum because of this!

Thanks, FidelineandFumblin no real mitigating context there then!

i am lucky enough to be able to share the childcare with family

Ha ha ha

I've a friend with two littlies in ft nursery who pays £2000 a month!

Can I just clear up my post if I wasn't clear OwlCapone, I did try to clarify with the line:

SAHP are not spongers, working parents are not bad parents

I agree with most of the posters here that there is no right or wrong thing to do. You make the best choices you can for your family and your circumstances. I was purely reacting to the 'sponging' comment from windchime which suggests that sahp aren't doing a valuable 'job' because they are not being directly paid for it.

I also don't think that working makes you any less of a parent.

I sometimes wonder who all the fighting about the role of women once they are parents actually serves, because it's definitely not women.

I have been f t WOHM and p t WOHM and SAHM. The only one I have been criticised for is SAHM by working mum family members or acquaintances. Usually for 'doing nothing' or 'being lazy' 'having another one rather than go to work'.

The vast majority of mums at my DC primary either stay home or work part time. Many that work have grandparents doing childcare for free. We have some SAHDs too.

As long as your happy who cares what others think? For me it was unthinkable I could leave my 3 youngest after what I had to go through to have them (history of stillbirths and massive complications). Have enjoyed every minute and I don't care what people think. It feels right being here and with them as much as possible. But I would not say it is right for all.

Can I just clear up my post if I wasn't clear OwlCapone, I did try to clarify with the line...

Er, you might want to read my posts!!