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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To please, please ask for your positive stories of people getting well having been on HDU/ intensive care

985 replies

grobagsforever · 18/05/2014 12:30

DP was admitted last week and moved to HDU last night. They don't know what's wrong. He has fluid on belly, some kind of infection and impiared liver function. There is talk of moving him ti ICU. We seem to be waiting on endless tests. He is 35 we have a three year old and I am 7 months pregnant. I need him . Please tell me your positive stories of recovery from these situations.

OP posts:
FrancesNiadova · 23/05/2014 13:26

Well done. Get yourself a sit down, put your feet up & have a rest Brew

heraldgerald · 23/05/2014 13:27

Growbags so absolutely sorry you're going through this. my brother was on the icu ward 16 years ago and we just celebrated his 39th birthday. he is wonderful, happy man. We were told all the manor of worst case scenarios everyday it seemed. it took a while for him to rehabilitate but he proved all the worst prognoses wrong. thinking of you x

Christelle2207 · 23/05/2014 14:07

So sorry you're going through this but wanted to say congratulations on your marriage. Please please speak to someone in RL your DDs need you and you need support to help get all of you through this, which you will.

AndHarry · 23/05/2014 14:21

Please tell someone in RL that you need support. There are so many people ready to help you.

I hope they can pinpoint the cancer today.

Original poster
grobagsforever · 23/05/2014 15:04

Been told it's basically hopeless. I'm going tp get the baby out and go with him. I don't have tp live this life if I don't want to.

OP posts:
AntoinetteCosway · 23/05/2014 15:13

grobags you need to talk to someone in real life and tell them how you're feeling. Your children need you to do this.

Original poster
grobagsforever · 23/05/2014 15:19

I've told them. They don't believe me.

OP posts:
Doooooowop · 23/05/2014 15:19

Can you call your Mum and get her to come to you?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 23/05/2014 15:22

Samaritans might be a good port of call at this time for you; you can email or phone. They are strangers, non judgemental and will listen. Try Macmillan too, they will be able to point you in the direction of some help.

Please don't be alone with this (((((grobags)))))
Keep talking, we will be here to listen.

WolfMoon · 23/05/2014 15:38

Think of your lovely kids, grobags. If it does come to the worst case scenario, they will need you so much. Your little one who isn't in this world yet, they need you to tell them all about their wonderful daddy. Please speak to someone other than us. Call the Samaritans, tell your mum, talk to a nurse, get in touch with Macmillan. It doesn't matter who it is, they will all do everything they can to support you. They won't make you do anything you don't want to do.

Who is it that doesn't believe you, grobags? We all believe you, and that's why we all so desperately want you to get the right help. Keep talking to us.

Mama1980 · 23/05/2014 15:43

Who doesn't believe you grobags?
Please please call someone in real life, you need the right support, it is there for you you just have to reach out. Baby steps. You don't have to be alone. It's never hopeless.
We are all here to listen and support you but you need real life support too.
Sending strength.

notapizzaeater · 23/05/2014 16:06

Aww grobags, it's never hopeless, there is always hope. Speak to someone - anyone, speak here if it helps, we are all holding your hand Sad

StealthPolarBear · 23/05/2014 16:08

Grobags have macmillan been in touch? I've heard they are excellent. Please do look after yourself. I know thats easier said than done but your toddler and baby need you. I can only echo what others have said and add thatI am so sorry.

SallyMcgally · 23/05/2014 16:16

Holding you in my thoughts, grobags. xxxxx

Doooooowop · 23/05/2014 16:24

Are your in laws there?

peggyundercrackers · 23/05/2014 17:19

this is heartbreaking for you, im so sorry for you. please don't do anything silly - im sure right now it all seems very unfair and there will be lots of thoughts running through your head however your kids need you, you will be their life now. be strong for them.

MNHQ
KateSMumsnet · 23/05/2014 17:42

So sorry to hear you're going through this grobags - wishing you all the best in the world. Do let us if you'd like this moved out of AIBU and into another topic Flowers

Meerka · 23/05/2014 19:36

So sorry for you and for Mr Grobags.

You're right, no one can make you do anything, live or die. That is for the future.

For now, please concentrate on getting through the day, eating enough for your and Mr Grobag's baby and getting some sleep. Getting the right support for him and yourself in the coming time, also for your daughters.

Flowers
AndHarry · 23/05/2014 19:37

Did the doctor say it was pretty much hopeless? I know it is torture waiting for information and very easy to jump to the worst case scenario but there's an array of effective treatments for cancer and your DH is in the very best place he could be to receive the care he needs. You also need care; please, please ask for it.

londonrach · 23/05/2014 19:45

Sending so many positive thoughts your way along with everyone on mn Grobags. We all there for you supporting you but please talk to someone in real life. If you local I'd be there as I'm sure loads of others would. It's hard but this is when friends and family matter. You need to be strong for dh and children but you also need support so please please please ask... Xxx

Original poster
grobagsforever · 23/05/2014 19:52

Doctors told us today it was hopeless but we are not giving up. Told them to set us a series of small goals that would show DH was improving enough to be eligible for treatment. He is working super hard on those. I am so proud of him.

OP posts:
WolfMoon · 23/05/2014 20:00

I have told people it's hopeless before. Quite a number of them go on to be okay. In fact, the first person whose family I ever told they weren't going to get better, nearly five years ago, is still very much alive, and has just had her second little girl. You do absolutely the right thing, don't give up.

What a star your DH sounds, and what a lovely wife and mum you are grobags. Make sure you're looking after yourself, as well as him. Thanks

AndHarry · 23/05/2014 20:07

You sound absolutely lovely grobags.

Original poster
grobagsforever · 23/05/2014 20:46

wolfmoon if you have the energy to pm me details of your stories that would be lovely.

OP posts:
SomeSunnySunday · 23/05/2014 21:12

Grobags, I am so, so sorry that you are going through this.

You may want, once your DH's diagnosis and treatment options become clearer, to consider whether he is eligible to take part in any clinical trials. Be aware that your hospital may not tell you about trials which they are not currently involved in, but other hospitals may be prepared to accept your DH onto their trials if he meets their criteria. There is a list of current oncology clinical trials running in the UK here.

This suggestion may be a bit premature, but when I had a relative with advanced cancer it really helped us to know what all of our options were and to be proactive about treatment - the momentum came mainly from our family, rather than the doctors.

Wishing you the very best of luck.