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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To please, please ask for your positive stories of people getting well having been on HDU/ intensive care

985 replies

grobagsforever · 18/05/2014 12:30

DP was admitted last week and moved to HDU last night. They don't know what's wrong. He has fluid on belly, some kind of infection and impiared liver function. There is talk of moving him ti ICU. We seem to be waiting on endless tests. He is 35 we have a three year old and I am 7 months pregnant. I need him . Please tell me your positive stories of recovery from these situations.

OP posts:
WolfMoon · 23/05/2014 21:28

grobags, I THINK I have PM'ed you. First time I've ever sent a PM, but I think it's worked okay. I've had to be vague for confidentiality reasons, but I so hope it helps.

Original poster
grobagsforever · 23/05/2014 22:02

DH sleeping and focussing on his healing. Thanks for pm and links all . More stories welcome.

OP posts:
Coconutty · 23/05/2014 22:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
grobagsforever · 23/05/2014 22:34

In Surrey. I have support. I just need him to improve.

OP posts:
giraffescantboogie · 23/05/2014 22:35

oh no poor you :( what are the goals for him?

plus3 · 23/05/2014 22:42

Grobags - please don't give up yet. The small goals is a fabulous idea. Speak to the doctors & nurses whos opinions you trust - they will not lie to you, but equally won't fill you with false hope.
I work in intensive care and have seen patients who seem to be in a hopeless place do well ( but it has been an incredibly hard road) everybody there will be working so hard to get your DH (congratulations btw!!!) through this. They don't give up easily. Good luck xx

LuluJakey1 · 23/05/2014 22:43

I am so sorry Grobag. Every good wish to you both to get you through this and him being better. Thanks

fluturainpristina · 23/05/2014 22:45

Grobags if you're in Surrey have you been put in touch with the Fountain Centre? I honestly can't praise them enough, they are a local MacMillan type thing based at the Royal Surrey although they serve other hospitals and they are absolutely fantastic, they provide lots of support for the patient and their family.

www.fountaincentre.org/

Doooooowop · 23/05/2014 22:57

Thinking of you x

Original poster
grobagsforever · 24/05/2014 07:26

Thanks all. I need to believe he is in his healing crisis, this is the worse before he gets better

OP posts:
Mama1980 · 24/05/2014 08:02

Thinking of you grobags. I hope your dh has as comfortable a day as possible. x

Captainbarnacles1101 · 24/05/2014 08:21

My father was in ICU with a nerve attacking virus when he was 40. He was ventilated for 11 months. We were called to his bedside on several occasions when they thought he wouldn't make it through the night. Fast forward 22 years and he's kicking ball with my 3 sons and taxiing my daughter round the country.

My point being medical science has improved so anything is possible. Be strong for ur babies. My mother never once cried in front of us I admire her for that.

I will keep ur hubby in my thoughts. Xxxx

Original poster
grobagsforever · 24/05/2014 08:45

Wow captain barnacles that is amazing.

OP posts:
trulymadlydeeply · 24/05/2014 11:23

You go, Grobags. Keep pushing on with gritted teeth. No one can predict the future and as you can see from everyone's stories, we can't know for sure what will be. Your love for your DH (Congratulations) shines through, and he sounds wonderful. Good luck and keep us posted. X xx

thegreylady · 24/05/2014 12:05

Grobags you are amazing. I had cancer, an aggressive breast cancer in 2006. It was treatable and here I am but that is not what I want to say to you. Your children need you and will always need you. If the worst happens then you and your dh will have done all you can to stay as a family but if you choose to go with him then you are choosing to leave your children which will be much harder for them to bear than losing their dad to illness.
My dh1 died and left me with 2dc. He was 44. My present dh was left with his 3 dc when his wife went off with a younger man. The 5 kids all agreed that it was much worse that a parent chose to leave them than to have one die.
You are being strong and brave for your dh, try to be even braver for your lovely children now.

Original poster
grobagsforever · 24/05/2014 17:22

You're right thegreylady. I just have no idea how I'd cope without him.

OP posts:
spiderlight · 24/05/2014 17:32

My friend had a brain tumour. It was very aggressive - she lost her eyesight and her hearing and was told that it was inoperable and that chemo would only buy her time. Two years later she is in spontaneous remission, has just started a new job and has been told that she is eligible to reapply for her driving licence because her eyesight is steadily returning. Miracles happen. Thanks

yellowdinosauragain · 24/05/2014 17:49

Fantastic spot on post thegreylady. Grobagsforever why not print that off to keep with you when you're really struggling?

One of my best friends was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer 3 years ago. She's still with us and at the moment there is no sign of her cancer. Who knows what the future holds?

Another of my best friends lost her dh to leukaemia a couple of years ago. Despite feeling much like you do now when he died she has come through the worst to be happy again.

Both of them, for different reasons, have times when they really struggle with it. And I'm sure you can never really get over something like that. I'm sure living with a terminal diagnosis as well as losing the person you love most in the world both have their own challenges but as a parent the real challenge is holding it together for your children. How you do that I honestly don't know.

Sending you a big hug and adding to the support you've found here.

Original poster
grobagsforever · 24/05/2014 17:56

Thank you all especially for your story spider light.

OP posts:
Andro · 24/05/2014 18:01

I just have no idea how I'd cope without him.

Minute by minute...second by second if necessary at first.

As parents we go to hell and back for our children, we try to do the right thing for them even when it rips us to pieces. Where would you start learning to cope without him? You start by answering this question: would your DH want you to leave the dc's you made together behind so you can be with him sooner?

It's a question you shouldn't have to face, I really hope your DH improves and you have many years together...but it's where you start.

Flowers and Cake

Original poster
grobagsforever · 24/05/2014 21:32

I guess I'm just trying to claim back my choices. I want to be able to reject a life without him.

OP posts:
Almostfifty · 24/05/2014 21:35

Am keeping everything crossed for you.

LuluJakey1 · 24/05/2014 22:12

How has he been today? Have thought of you both.

SallyMcgally · 24/05/2014 22:16

Thinking of you, grobags xxx

Andro · 24/05/2014 22:23

I guess I'm just trying to claim back my choices

No-one can fault you for that! Being a patient in ICU is scary, being a relative of an ICU patient is worse (I've been on both sides of the equation).

Thinking of you and your family x