Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To please, please ask for your positive stories of people getting well having been on HDU/ intensive care

985 replies

grobagsforever · 18/05/2014 12:30

DP was admitted last week and moved to HDU last night. They don't know what's wrong. He has fluid on belly, some kind of infection and impiared liver function. There is talk of moving him ti ICU. We seem to be waiting on endless tests. He is 35 we have a three year old and I am 7 months pregnant. I need him . Please tell me your positive stories of recovery from these situations.

OP posts:
bumbleymummy · 22/05/2014 23:09

Hi grobags. Sorry to hear you're feeling so low although it's completely to be expected. I agree with those suggesting that you contact Macmillan or a friend just to help you through. Cancer treatments are improving all the time. Sometimes these oncologists just err on the side of caution - it doesn't lend itself to the best bedside manner though! Have you had any confirmation of what type of cancer you are dealing with - where it is/stage etc?

Original poster
grobagsforever · 22/05/2014 23:09

gussiegrips thank you for writing such a long post. I had a brief FB chat with a friend. I feel a little calmer. Should go home and wake my mum for a chat but think DH might want a snack in a bit. .

OP posts:
gordyslovesheep · 22/05/2014 23:12

OH Grobags I'm so sorry x Thanks

PassTheCakeitsbeenatough1 · 22/05/2014 23:14

Mrsgro, you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sorry that you've been given this terrible news, please remember that they have to give you the worst possible outcome - I've been there, not with cancer but with my DH's diagnosis. He's doing well now, people do recover it's just the fight to get there that seems endless. Don't give up, I felt the same way too I just wanted to go too, it's your mind's way of coping and that is ok for now. But you do need some support, the pp who said that the consultants are there to deliver the facts is right - we had some awful ones, it's a terrible feeling. You need to seek some support, ask the hospital, your midwife, your GP - but get that support.

Congratulations on your marriage, I hope you get some better news on the health front soon.

SallyMcgally · 22/05/2014 23:15

Just wanted to send you a big hug, grobags. xxxxx thinking of you xx

gussiegrips · 23/05/2014 00:23

Gro go and talk to your mum. There are staff there who can help him snack.

Mr Gro will be disorientated to time and place, but, he'll understand if you're not there when he wakes.

The staff will remind him that it's late, and you needed to rest. He's a nice man, he'll understand. Besides, as far as honeymoon's go, this sucks. He totally owes you.

Go and talk to your mum. She'll be glad to be helpful.

Get a change of scene, a bath, clean knickers, a hug from folk who care and go back to Mr Gro in the morning. If there's a sudden change you can be there in, what, how many minutes?

Go on. You'll crack if you don't get a break. and, having been the psycho-bitch-mum on a ward in the past, you really don't want to crack. It's not a good look

WolfMoon · 23/05/2014 00:50

Congratulations on your wedding Thanks

So sorry to hear the diagnosis, I wish it was better news for you. gussiegrips* is giving fantastic advice, I have nothing that I could say better other than to reiterate - go and talk to your mum. Get a big hug, and have a good cry if you need to. We're all thinking of you, and there will always be someone around to listen to you here if you need it.

Jenny70 · 23/05/2014 06:17

The best oncologist I've dealt with was also the worst personality and bedside-manner wise. Fantastic Dr, knew his stuff incredibly well, hated patients and their families.

Sometimes the "bitch with the topnotch medical approach" is a better option than the "nice but clueless doctor"... if you know what I mean.

So horrible, but if this dr can fight this disease, perhaps you can cope with her bad manners??? Maybe ask some nursing staff if they would be happy having their relative treated by her, or whether they would choose someone else? Not sure if they'd be allowed to comment, but I'm sure many would have an opinion on who is best oncologist they've dealt with.

FrancesNiadova · 23/05/2014 06:32

So sorry to read your updates Grobags.

How are YOU? I know it's hard, but please make sure that you rest and put your feet up. Have you or DH got a relative or close friend that you can share hospital shifts with?

Please do call Macmillan. They will talk on the phone, give advice about your oncologist & what questions to ask & might have someone who can meet you in hospital & support you when you meet your onc.

Thanks Sending you big hugs & best wishes Thanks

londonrach · 23/05/2014 06:41

How you this morning Grobags hope you slept and spoken to your mum. (Hug). X

AWombWithoutARoof · 23/05/2014 08:08

How are you doing, Gro? Did you get any sleep?

notaflamingclue · 23/05/2014 08:50

Grobags, on reflection I now agree with those who are saying stick with your oncologist, at least until you know whether she's as good at her job as she is bad at the bedside manner stuff.

And listen to gussiegrips. She speaks wise words. Macmillan are amazing, they were an incredible support to my family when my mum was ill. Call them. Call your friends. Ask the hospital for support - get it from EVERYWHERE and ANYWHERE you can find it.

Oh and I cracked last week - I was the psycho bitch mum on the ward and gussie is right....it's really not a good look. Look after yourself, you need it too you know.

Mama1980 · 23/05/2014 08:56

How are you doing today? Did you get any sleep?
I agree with all the others take care of yourself too and get support anywhere and everywhere.
We are all with you in spirit sending strength. X

Original poster
grobagsforever · 23/05/2014 09:18

Slept a bit. Still feel hopeless and expecting the oncologist to confirm it is untreatable today. I really can't do the rest of my life without him. I won't do it. It's too much for to ask of me and I'm not doing it. No one can make me.

OP posts:
londonrach · 23/05/2014 09:23

Gro you can do it because you are strong and who's to say he won't be with you. So many stories on here telling you that doctors tell you the worse and often it doesn't happen. PleAse talk to someone be it a friend or someone at the hospital. I remember being there but less than you when mum had cancer. I took myself to an office offering leaflets re treatments in the hospital they asked if they could help. I cried on them for the next hour. You need support. Please ask for it xxxxx

Standinginline · 23/05/2014 09:25

Partners son was in intensive care after being run over by a bus ,he was in a coma and doctors thought he wasn't going to make it through. 5 years on and he's just passed his driving test , finished college and still fit and healthy :)

gussiegrips · 23/05/2014 09:59

Gro - doesn't look like you've spoken to anyone yet.

Go on. This is a normal reaction to a hideous situation. Go and talk to them, they are used to dealing with people who feel like you do, it's their job.

Go on.

You'll feel better and no one will make you do anything you don't want to. Go on.

skinoncustard · 23/05/2014 10:09

Oh Grobag, I wish I could hold you ! My heart goes out to you and your family. I know you feel like your world has collapsed but you and your husband have two ( nearly) beautiful children who you made together , who love and need you. As others have said, please please get help in Real life for yourself , you don't have to walk this road alone . Like many others all my love and hope for the future.

yellowdinosauragain · 23/05/2014 10:25

Go be with your lovely dh. The worst hasn't happened yet. Hold him, stroke his face and hair, drink in his smell, drown in his eyes. Make the most of every moment.

Together, and with support, both on here and in real life you can and will deal with whatever today brings...

Desperately hoping for better news today for you both xxx

FrancesNiadova · 23/05/2014 10:26

Grobags you need support NOW.

Please talk to one of the nurses in hospital.

There trained people who are waiting to roll up their sleeves & support you.

Phone MacMillan.

I can only send virtual help & messages, but I'm so worried for you.

Please get the help you need in real life.

TenMinutesEarly · 23/05/2014 10:39

Grobags where are you? I'm sure one of us is near you and can help in even a tiny way.

You are strong, stronger than you know. Talk to the nurses, you need support. Thanks

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 23/05/2014 10:53

You need to stay strong for your kids, your parents and his parents. You can do it. Tell the hospital how you are feeling straight away.

HRHbob · 23/05/2014 11:10

Please speak to your DH nurse, if they arnt sure where to find you the extra support you need at this difficult time ask them to ring the oncology ward & speak to the nurses there. Where I work we have specialist nurses who work alongside the consultants and are absolutely excellent. Thinking of you & your family.

WolfMoon · 23/05/2014 11:59

Who's to say that he won't be with you? I have been the one to tell someone that their/their relative's disease is incurable, and I love nothing more than being proven absolutely wrong. It happens. We have to tell you the worst case scenario so that you can plan and prepare. It happens all the time. The human body is so wonderfully resilient and unpredictable, that doctors will never be able to say 100% what will happen.

Please talk to the nurses, and tell them that you need support. The earlier you ask for it, the sooner it will be put into place.

Original poster
grobagsforever · 23/05/2014 13:15

Seen new oncologist today who is much nicer. DH needs to get more stable so he can consider treatment. He's having a rough day vomitting etc.

OP posts:
Swipe left for the next trending thread