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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To please, please ask for your positive stories of people getting well having been on HDU/ intensive care

985 replies

grobagsforever · 18/05/2014 12:30

DP was admitted last week and moved to HDU last night. They don't know what's wrong. He has fluid on belly, some kind of infection and impiared liver function. There is talk of moving him ti ICU. We seem to be waiting on endless tests. He is 35 we have a three year old and I am 7 months pregnant. I need him . Please tell me your positive stories of recovery from these situations.

OP posts:
Norem · 22/05/2014 15:58

Oh grobags sorry to hear your news:(
Hope you get a treatment plan soon and a nice oncologist.
A work colleague who is in her thirties was in this position last year.
She became acutely unwell ended up in iTu with a diagnosis of non hodgekins lymphoma and had a stormy few months in hospital.
Am delighted to say she is now back at work and feeling great. Xx

Ziggyzoom · 22/05/2014 16:02

When my dad was critically ill in hospital, the consultant was a similarly cold, detached individual delivering the worst possible news. Thanks to the excellent care he received and thanks to the expertise of the same consultant he walked out of hospital a few weeks later, virtually fully recovered.

I am by no means defending this caring style, but sometimes I think these things can be lacking in those who are intelligent and focused enough to be experts in their field. In our case the nursing staff more than made up for the lack of personal touch on behalf of the consultant.

She also explained later that it is always her policy to give the worst case scenario as she doesn't like to give families false hope. Speak to your nurses and see what they recommend. They will know you and your DH very well by now and of course you have every right to request a different consultant.

Congratulations on your marriage and I hope you get positive results and the care and compassion that you need.

Mama1980 · 22/05/2014 16:35

I'm so sorry to hear your news and that you found the consultant unpleasant. Not defending them but my family found my consultant when I was critically ill and me my sons to be very similar. I think they can just be so focused and driven they forget the human aspect.
I was also told it's always policy to tell worst case scenario, my family were apparently told very bluntly I stood little chance as I was told the same in reference to my son. We're now fine. But they don't want it give false hope and I think give you as much time as possible to deal with potentially the worst whilst fighting for the best. They don't know you u like the nursing staff so being dispassionate is easier.
I am thinking of you and hoping for positive news. I'm glad to hear you are well supported but as other posters have mentioned if there's anything you need please don't hesitate to ask.
X

TheHappyCamper · 22/05/2014 16:55

I'm so sorry to hear about your DH's diagnosis. Sad
Big congratulations on your wedding though Thanks

I have a good cancer survival story for you. My MIL was diagnosed 2 years ago with oesophageal cancer. She had chemo and surgery and is now fully recovered and cancer free. To this day she does not know just how low her survival odds were, as she refused to let the doctors tell her (we knew they were around 30% all along). I still find it hard to believe that she was one of the lucky ones really. You must remember that - however low the percentage, someone has to be those people.

I'll be praying for you all xxx

grobagsforever · 22/05/2014 17:07

Thank you so much everyone, you really are helping. DH is resting, having some alternative healing, vegetable juices and reki all to bolster him ready for conventional treatment. I am so proud I married him, having said 'no' for 14 years!

OP posts:
jeanmiguelfangio · 22/05/2014 17:12

Congratulations Gro and mr gro on your marriage!!
I wish him all the very best in his treatment, you are doing so well too. Cancer can be beaten, there are so many who can prove this, lots of healing and prayers for you all

AlpacaLypse · 22/05/2014 17:15

Flowers and

PetiteRaleuse · 22/05/2014 17:22

Congratulations and lots of hugs.

Lovethesea · 22/05/2014 17:59

Congratulations on your marriage! Now hoping and praying for a turn around in health so your DH can get back to your family life as soon as possible.

MrsMaturin · 22/05/2014 18:28

I am shocked you've been given a prognosis without a definitive diagnosis. Is it possible the consultant was giving you the stats 'if it's x or y'? I agree with other posters. HCPs can seem cold when they are trying to be factual and honest. If today's doctor is the best the hospital have for your dh's condition then keep her. Cold, tough and brilliant is better than fluffy, warm and second best.

TheCunnyFunt · 22/05/2014 19:00

This is my brothers story, he spent 4 months in hospital, 3 of those were either ICU or CCU (Critical Care Unit), for the first month he was completely unconscious. He is alive and well now, still doesn't have the strength he used to though and his voice is a hoarse/squeaky whisper due to the tracheostomy. He received fantastic care in all the units he was in though. We are very lucky to have him with us now. As you'll find if you read the whole of my thread. Just know that medical professionals nowadays can work miracles :)

grobagsforever · 22/05/2014 21:56

Thanks all. Feeling really low now and thinking about the reality of life as a single mum. I don't want to live without him but my girls will need me. I'll be stuck. I want to go witg him.

OP posts:
grobagsforever · 22/05/2014 22:15

I think I've lost hope. I've tried so hard to be positive for him. I want to just get this baby out and go with him. The girls won't remember me, they'll be ok.

OP posts:
AntoinetteCosway · 22/05/2014 22:21

Oh grobags. I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's so hard to have to be the strong one-I hope there's someone there to look after you while you're looking after DH and DC.

nevergoogle · 22/05/2014 22:25

what support do you have grobags? time to rally the troops, you need help to stay strong for your girls. start calling in favours even if it's just to sit with you.

congratulations on your marriage.

fluturainpristina · 22/05/2014 22:26

Grobags three years ago my DH could have written your last post about me. I'm still here, I have some ongoing issues but otherwise I'm pretty much fine. It's still far too early to give up hope yet. You don't have to be positive all the time, but you can't let yourself give up all hope either. Don't think long term, just concentrate on getting through each day at a time and deal with things as they happen. And no matter what happens, your DDs need their wonderful mum, and it will be worth it for them.

londonrach · 22/05/2014 22:26

Grobags holding your hand and giving you a hug. Your children and dh need you, it may look bleak now but read the stories....miracles do happen every day. The doctors tend to tell you worse case. Please get some sleep. Xxx

londonrach · 22/05/2014 22:27

Grobags call a friend please

happytalk13 · 22/05/2014 22:27

Please don't talk like that grobags. Do you have anyone there who you can talk to? You've only spoken to one consultant so far yes? And she was unpleasant and unclear as to what type of cancer this even is?

I see you're scared, and exhausted and in-shock and everything is moving fast but you haven't had a first proper opinon yet, let alone a second.

One moment at a time - I hope someone IRL can be there with you....

Bravelittlesoldier · 22/05/2014 22:30

So sorry to hear that news, my heart goes out to you-you must be reeling. Don't know if it helps but a friend's DH was given a 10-15% chance of survival after a diagnosis of throat cancer. That was 5 years ago and he made a great recovery-they've had two other children since and he's doing great.

vikkik888 · 22/05/2014 22:30

Saw this thread last night and was searching for it earlier but couldn't find it.

I just want to wish you all the best in the world, congratulations on your marriage.

And please never ever give up hope, my hope is to see a post from you in the future updating us on your husbands recovery x

AndHarry · 22/05/2014 22:39

GroBags call a friend or Macmillan. You need oodles of support.

I've been on the receiving end of a cancer diagnosis with a less than 1% chance of survival. I have never been so terrified in my life. Luckily for me it was a misdiagnosis and after a hefty op I was more or less ok but I won't ever forget that feeling of suffocating fear. There are people who are willing and able to help you, please talk to them.

gussiegrips · 22/05/2014 22:39

So, time to think of you, Gro.

These feelings are a normal reaction to a horrific situation. My son's been gravely ill a few times, and, bed-sitting can just nurture despair. I get it.

Who is Mr Gro's named nurse? Ask them for contact with Family Support. There will be an organisation/department within the hospital who can help you.

You are needed. He is needed. He needs you to take all this need and manage it. That's really, really shit and really, really hard. So, get help.

Go and do it now. Go on. Who's on the ward?

Grab the friendly one (there's always one) and say "I can't do this". Tears are good at that point. MAKE them listen to you, be frank and clear and try not to be angry with them, just with the situation.

OR

Tell someone that's friends or family. Get them to speak to the ward staff and start the process of getting the help that's available, but, only those who shout ask get it.

Goodness, PM me where you are and I'll phone the consultant's secretary tomorrow and tell them "Mrs Gro needs some support".

I understand what you are saying about bedside manners, and second what's already been said. If your job is to deliver The Worst News you need to be very clear. Empathy is something you'll get from other sources. Oh look, like US!

Mr Gro needs you. Your child needs you and your bump needs you. And, now, you've got an army of MNrs who all need to will you on too.

I'll be checking back in a mo. If you haven't 1. had some fresh air 2. had a bloody good cry or 3. told someone how you feel then I Shall Get Strict With You.

Go on. Tell them. You're not the first, you, sadly, won't be the last. They haven't asked because they are run off their feet and you seem to be managing. Go on. Tell them.

gussiegrips · 22/05/2014 22:53

Actually, you say you've refused to marry him for 14 years? This isn't a spectacularly bad attempt of his to manipulate you into marriage, is it?

Go and tell him you've had your first "LTB". It might be a MN record.

SalvatoreGirl · 22/05/2014 22:56

Sorry to hear about your DH grobags.
My DH was diagnosed with bowel cancer in 2003 when he was 66 so a lot older than your husband - he had surgery and has had some problems since including developing Crohn's disease and adhesions and he has survived it all.
Last year when he was 75 he had to have surgery again and ended up in intensive care for just over 3 weeks because his lung collapsed and they couldn't get it to re-inflate properly- the one to one care is wonderful. I too was there every day apart from when he was in an induced coma for 10 days which he says was the worst part.
So try to be strong for your DH he can fight this and you must try support him in any way you can. Thanks