To please, please ask for your positive stories of people getting well having been on HDU/ intensive care

[grobagsforever]

DP was admitted last week and moved to HDU last night. They don't know what's wrong. He has fluid on belly, some kind of infection and impiared liver function. There is talk of moving him ti ICU. We seem to be waiting on endless tests. He is 35 we have a three year old and I am 7 months pregnant. I need him . Please tell me your positive stories of recovery from these situations.

Grobags I have been thinking about you daily. Wishing you the very best and I am liking that you are able to support your DH in the way that I would want to.

I also "hear" what you have on the thread and wish that people could support you without challenging.

Morning Gro, another day, keep going.

Hope you enjoy swimming today. I can only imagine how hard it is to try and explain to your DD about your DH. You can only do your best, and that is only what you are capable of in that instant.

What a hard balancing act you have. Between the needs of your DH, your DD and yours, it must be like being pulled in a million directions. I hope that at least once a day for as much time as you can bear, you put your needs first a little bit.

Hope you're able to enjoy your afternoon with your dd grobags.

Excellent post isabellavine. I tried to make the same point a day or 2 ago but you worded it so much better. Tone not content. Yes, exactly that.

You cannot object to a "tone" in a written post.
Everyone interprets the way a post is read differently.

Maybe the op should respond to MNHQ suggestion of moving this thread out of AIBU as it is clearly not a good place for it to be.

Maybe OP's got more important things on her mind than replying to a forum

I think it is telling that this thread in AIBU has 17 pages and yet there are two other posters with terminally ill husbands whose thread (in a different area of the site) has mustered 1 page of support in about the same amount of time. Happily (if you can use such a term on such a thread) no-one seems to be policing that thread and telling people off for trying to help.

Those posters here who have told their stories, and given grobags constructive advice (often calling upon their own sad and all too real memories to do so) to then be pulled apart by the AIBU mob mentality is degrading at best, and disgusting at worst. But more or less what one expects from certain quarters.

Again to those who have shared their stories and to those going through a hard time at the moment.

Hope you enjoy your swim grobags.

I can object to whatever I like Tantrums. So can you and anyone else posting.

I don't think there is anything wrong with suggesting that people think about how what they post comes across on such a sensitive thread. None of us, including me, will get it right all the time.

People who think that they are posting in a helpful manner may have their posts misinterpreted, that was my point.

What I think is interesting here is that actually it's not the OP who is objecting to any of the posts offering advice from their very real experiences, but people doing so on her behalf and with no apparent direction from the OP.

Gro, it would be a really good idea to have the thread moved, Health will be a much more supportive environment for this journey. AIBU is a bear pit and really not the best place for something like this

What I have been most saddened about here is the fact that some truly lovely people have been trying to help they have shared stories and experiences in a public forum and have been at best ignored and at worst hectored by other posters who claim to be defending the OP. So it's been posters being outraged by other posters and then complaining that the 'poor OP' must be overwhelmed rather than the person who is attempting to help by posting a painful and personal story. It rather makes me wonder who is enjoying this drama the most and what is to be gained by shouting down other posters.

I'd just like to mention as well that as far as I'm concerned regardless of what people's experience is or what they have to offer some of the posting on this thread has been downright rude and bad mannered. I can't imagine that any of you would actually address people like that in the street It's very easy to read a post and get all outraged, projecting your own opinions about if someone is being 'judged' but if you were face to face with a person who was trying to offer that support would you react in the same way?

Crystal, Expat, Devere, and all the countless others who have shared their stories may I thank you for that. Although there is a possibility they won't be as helpful as they should be here, there is a chance that someone lurking or observing might find some help in it, please don't think it's unappreciated or wasted.

Yes Yes Yes.

Every word ^^ she said.

The outraged indignation on behalf of someone who doesn't seem outraged herself is just plain weird. Unless there's stuff going on offboard of course.

If you look at gro's last post, it's plain she felt personally attacked and not supported.

I'm sure the people sharing their experiences didn't intend to make her feel that way. Quite the opposite. But when we are very fragile and vulnerable, we tend to be a bit more sensitive than normal, so extra care is needed. Surely is isn't controversial?

It's at Wed 04-Jun-14 06:39:45 if you want to check!

Maryz I was baffled too, I didn't think it was 'plain she felt attacked' and to be honest I think all your post does Isabellavine is sort of prove my point. Thanks for that.

Why are people picking on those with real experiences to share all of a sudden hey Isabella?
So its us that is the problem yes?

Fucking hell. Do you think the need for sensitivity ends when the loved one dies? Never mind our feelings. Our kids/husbands/dad/mums are dead and gone.

Have you read what you just wrote?

There are some problematic posters on this thread and its not the ones who have taken the time to share their real life experiences.

I think she got it from people saying that her daughter needed her and that she shouldn't be in hospital all the time. I know people were truly intending to be caring and to say that she needed a rest. But I can also see how some of those posts came over as bossy, criticising her choice and even her parenting, because a couple of them were written in a rather forceful Mumsnet AIBU kind of way!! (Not blaming the posters because obviously many are writing about incredibly painful experiences, but just saying that in her shoes I would not have found the tone supportive, and I can see why she felt a bit narked. I don't think responses starting 'oh, for fucks sake' strike quite the right tone, for instance).

There have also been some unkind people doubting her word, which I think we can all agree is pretty low.

And for what it's worth, I do have similar personal experience so I do appreciate the sensitivities and do know how very very hard it is to write about. You guys are braver than me, I couldn't even type it because I'd be a mess for days.

I realise i am now contributing to taking this thread away from supporting gro myself, so I'm going to back out now. Sorry, everyone. Please forgive me!

So sorry to read this OP.

Sending best wishes to you all. You must feel like the bottom of your world has fallen out. You're both so young

I think the thing is though is that regardless of our posting styles and personal experience all of us are here because we want to support grobags. It's clear we all have different ways of doing that. And because many are posting advice based on extremely painful experiences that this are going to get heated in this environment.

Hi grobags, how are you today? Has your DH had his drain removed now?

I hope you have had some respite spending time with your DD, I'm sure it's what your DH would want for you.

Obviously I do not know your personal situation but it is important for all family members that love your DH to be given time with him and I hope that things will improve between him and his parents. Maybe then you will feel able to rest a bit.

I am pleased to hear that you have been allocated a side room as I bet they are in high demand. I remember when my lovely uncle was in hospital it was pretty much visiting hours only but he was at home for most of his treatment (he was diagnosed at the outset with stage D bowel cancer) so we were able to be with him pretty much all the time. He didn't like the cal shots either but his sickness wasn't too bad.

I cannot lie and say it was anything other than hell BUT we fought really hard to get him the best possible treatment. We demanded answers when none were forthcoming and sought help from just about anyone around us. I still believe that by doing this it a) gave us something productive to do and therefore kept our minds busy and b) ensured he had the BEST possible treatment available.

We were all allowed to stay with him the night before he died (age 54) and were all holding him as he went. That will stay with us, his family, forever.

To be fair to grobags, the thread changed significantly from when she posted her original message. I'm concerned because she has expressed suicidal feelings, so I am assuming she is quite vulnerable at the moment and maybe doesn't know what she wants.