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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

To please, please ask for your positive stories of people getting well having been on HDU/ intensive care

985 replies

grobagsforever · 18/05/2014 12:30

DP was admitted last week and moved to HDU last night. They don't know what's wrong. He has fluid on belly, some kind of infection and impiared liver function. There is talk of moving him ti ICU. We seem to be waiting on endless tests. He is 35 we have a three year old and I am 7 months pregnant. I need him . Please tell me your positive stories of recovery from these situations.

OP posts:
Deverethemuzzler · 29/05/2014 21:08

Bunny they can arrange something.

yellowdinosauragain · 29/05/2014 21:10

Lovely I'm so so sorry you've had such a rough day. But what everyone has so wisely said -talk to someone. Thegreylady posted very wisely about this upthread when you were struggling last time. I'll find it and post again

onlyjoking9329 · 29/05/2014 21:10

Gro, please get a mac nurse, they are invaluable.
My husband had a terminal brain tumour, he was very ill for two years, we had three children who have autism, the Mac nurse was amazing she asked the medics questions that I hadn't thought of, she explained everything, she liaised with GP, district nurses, oncology social workers, home carers and even MIL. She supported me in how to talk to our children she helped fill in forms and she alway brought biscuits
It's incredibly hard being in your position, you also have a baby on board which is tiring and stressful on its own, I understand that you must be scared and it's hard to function even on a basic level.
Please seek support, there's nothing to be gained by managing on your own. The help is there though I know often the hardest step is asking and accepting it.
If you had a friend in the same situation what would you advise them?

yellowdinosauragain · 29/05/2014 21:14

Thegreylady 24 th may...

Grobags you are amazing. I had cancer, an aggressive breast cancer in 2006. It was treatable and here I am but that is not what I want to say to you. Your children need you and will always need you. If the worst happens then you and your dh will have done all you can to stay as a family but if you choose to go with him then you are choosing to leave your children which will be much harder for them to bear than losing their dad to illness.
My dh1 died and left me with 2dc. He was 44. My present dh was left with his 3 dc when his wife went off with a younger man. The 5 kids all agreed that it was much worse that a parent chose to leave them than to have one die.
You are being strong and brave for your dh, try to be even braver for your lovely children now

yellowdinosauragain · 29/05/2014 21:14

Or pm wherehavealltheflowersgone who knows what it is to walk in your shoes xxx

wherehavealltheflowersgone · 29/05/2014 21:23

Bless you yellow we have been PMing a lot. I think she is in profound shock.

LemonPipLimePeel · 29/05/2014 21:26

Gro, I am so sorry you and your DH (and families) are facing this.Thanks

It is normal to feel angry, hopeless and like finishing. You are facing so much, with no idea what is in store. You can get help, or you can face it on your own, it is your choice. Help is there if you want to accept it.
Be kind to yourself x

lotsofcheese · 29/05/2014 21:30

Gro, I'm so sorry you've had a bad day. I can't even begin to comprehend how you're feeling.

If you can bring yourself to have a conversation, please make a phone call, or else send an email asking for help - there have been some suggestions of where to start.

Or keep posting here, there are people who understand & are ready to listen.

Sending love & strength to you.

daisydotandgertie · 29/05/2014 21:34

Gro - I have been in your shoes, and know exactly how you are feeling.

If it would help to chat off board, I'd be very happy to.

My DH was also diagnosed as terminal almost immediately and was too ill for any treatment of the cancer for over a month. Sadly, we didn't get any help from the Macmillan nurses, nor from our hospice but I have heard they can be fabulous.

I am so sorry you are both in this awful position, it is fucking horrific but you will get through it, somehow.

NormaStanleyFletcher · 29/05/2014 21:48

gro. I really do hope you can get some rl support. Only joking gives good advice on this up there ^^

UptheChimney · 29/05/2014 22:10

Gro my husband died of a sudden acute illness when we were both 35. I had a small child. It was awful, but I survived (it was almost 20 years ago). I loved him, but I also found I loved myself. In the face of sheer awfulness, pain, and death, I found I wanted to live.

Of course, I HAD to live because of my son. It was unthinkable to leave him all alone. Grief is awful, and my heart truly was broken, but grief doesn't kill you. You get through, minute by sodding tedious minute. And gradually it gets better. My son's goofy smile and big feet and hugs make it very much better.

AndHarry · 29/05/2014 22:14

Of course you are angry and scared and upset. Please ask for help.

LuluJakey1 · 29/05/2014 22:21

I am so sorry things are so bad. You must be terrified and angry and feel powerless.Seeing someone you love so ill is the most awful thing to see. It feels like you can do nothing to really help them get better and that is the only thing you want.

How is your DH today?

Have though of you both and hoped he was getting stronger.

Please see your GP and get some help for you. For your sake and DD and DH. You will need to be strong and you WILL cope. You just will. However bad it gets you will get through it a tiny step at a time.

Kindest thoughts Thanks

Kormachameleon · 29/05/2014 22:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnnieIncognito · 29/05/2014 23:21

I am in Canada grobags and am 5 hours behind you. If you are awake in the middle of the night and want company just PM me.

My heart aches for you and this horrible situation. Do not give up on life - your babies will need you more than ever should the unthinkable happen. I'm sorry if that sounds crass or negative, but it's true. Whether from here, Samaratins or another resource, you need to find the strength and the support to carry on. You can do this.

Flowers
SallyMcgally · 29/05/2014 23:51

Just checking in to handhold. Sorry it's all so very hard. You're not alone grobags. xxx

yellowdinosauragain · 30/05/2014 00:13

Wherehavealltheflowersgone Thanks

Tomorrow is another day and hopefully a better one. Thinking of you and hope that you have plenty of support in real life, family, friends, macmillan, and on here with people who really get where you are just now. Lots of love x

foragoodfriend · 30/05/2014 00:53

Grobagsforever I've lurked on threads that you've posted on before and you've given sound advice often. You are in such a hard place now and all I can hear is your pain, exhaustion and desperation. Get the help you need. Your DH would hate to know you were thinking such thoughts and that his future child and his lovely DD were going to be left with no-one.

You don't have a duty to "report" back to this thread. I hope the health care professionals you are surrounded by open their eyes and notice you and your unborn child are in imminent danger and act accordingly. Your DH wouldn't want anything else. Take care.

londonrach · 30/05/2014 07:47

How are you this morning gro. Thinking of you x

ExCinnamon · 30/05/2014 08:04

Hello Gro, hope you're not angry at us mnetters, it's hard to read that you're struggling so much without urging you to seek help.

It's our only option, because we care.

Please look after yourself. Sending you strength in this awful time.

((Grobags))

Bunnytheeggrobat · 30/05/2014 08:37

Hope today is a better day for you and your DH Grobags, that you managed to get some rest overnight.

FrancesNiadova · 30/05/2014 08:39

Love doesn't die, it lives on.

You are going to give your new baby and young DD all the love that your DH so desperately wants to give them.

This is such an awful time grobags, I can't imagine how you're feeling. I do know that your baby & Dd are going to need you now, more than ever. As they grow, they'll need you to open your special memories to them so that they can love their Dad too.

I hope that you're getting help from the hospital, please take them up on any help they offer.

Sending you, your DD & extra-precious baby big hugs Thanks

member · 30/05/2014 10:58

it's hard to read that you're struggling so much without urging you to seek help.

Absolutely. I'm sorry that my earlier posts appear to be hectoring in their tone re your dh's treatment/nutrition. They were borne out of a sense of wanting to give your dh & you the best chance. I realise it was inappropriate given I don't have the full picture & can only apologise.

What is clear, however, is that you need help with dealing with your feelings about the circumstances you find yourself in. Help, that no matter how well-meaning Mumsnetters may be, can not be a substitute for professional real life help. Please,please speak to your midwife about what is happening. Thanks

Christelle2207 · 30/05/2014 12:17

How are you both today. Thinking of you x

Puzzledandpissedoff · 30/05/2014 17:26

Hoping against hope that you're okay, Grobags ...

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