to give up trying to feed this child?

[ankar]

We had dd's best friend for a sleepover last night. The girls are both 8. My dd has done quite a few sleepovers before but her friend started only recently - a mixture of not wanting to initially and then wanting to but her mum being too anxious about it. Anyhow...she was finally allowed to come and it mostly went fine, the girls got along well and even did some sleeping.

However....this child would not eat anything! We really tried and had them make their own pizzas, decorate biscuits and offered lots of general snacks like fruit, yoghurt, crackers etc. She refused everything at first but then later on was obviously really hungry as she did eat a couple of pieces of apple, but that was all she would eat. I just kind of shrugged to begin with and thought she wasn't hungry, but then I realised that she was, but she wouldn't eat our food.

In the morning I made pancakes which she also refused. She looked at the plate and said "I don't like them". By then I was worried but also a bit fed up of offering different things for her to turn her nose up at, so I just said "Well that's a pity" and didn't offer anything else. When her mum just came to pick her up she asked how things went and I said fine but she didn't want to eat anything so I hope she's not coming down with something as she seemed to have no appetite. The mum looked at me quite cross but didn't say anything, then on the way to the car I heard the girl asking if they could pick up pizza on the way home as she was starving!

What could I have done and should I have offered her something else in the morning?

Also, the attitude of the OP's children was bad, "don't you eat anything", and left seemingly uncorrected. Ds could sit here eating chunks of grana padano and handfulls of chives with rye bread and red currants, then judge a child for not wanting to eat them, but he's got better manners than that

Yes apparently crackers, fruit and yogs are an accompaniment to a meal and shouldn't be considered good enough.
A nursery I worked at had crackers as tea once a week with the fruit and yog after!

Yy clairewitchproject very good point.

poor little poppet

How nasty.

But I think it's the unneccessary intolerance of the child's food refusal that's been the bug bear for most YAbu commenters.
Precisely.

Frankly if I had plied a child with foodstuffs and then the next morning she'd been overtly rude about my food ("I don't like them") I'd think stuff it, chum, you're not going to starve and I've had enough of offering you alternatives.

Kids who don't like my cooking I can deal with. Ones who are rude, not so much.

Clairewitchproject very sensible post.

OP,you are very judgemental and a bit spiteful. You won't allow another sleep over even if your daughter asks simply because an 8 year old didn't eat your homemade pizza and pancakes.

You were not a good hostess at breakfast. I've never stayed with anyone who has plonked one breakfast dish in front of me and expected me to like it-have you? I've never done that to any guests of any age.

Oh and I don't get what is so bloody marvellous about home-made pizza. It seems to be another MN obsession.

I find all kids eat at least one of toast, plain pasta or cornflakes, all of which I usually have in. And because I hate food waste I ask kids before I plate up if they are planning to eat the meal I have made. If not, I then give them the option of the three above.

My own kids get what they're given, I know their preferences and meet them within reason (my version of reason, not theirs).

So no, yanbu, but for the sake of future incident, I'd ask first and offer toast cereal or plain pasta if needed!

I don't understand why the op is being lambasted for saying she doesn't want this child over again.

She isn't obliged to have her stay over night.

Zzzz no..rabbit has a spoilt fussy rating relative apparently.

Scheherazade says her DDs friend won't eat lumps etc but has no issues.

Fussy eating even. I need sleep

Maybe the places we've stayed have just been odd, Caitlin17. Everywhere I've stayed if someone's cooking eggs etc they've offered to do me some if I want or if not pointed me in the direction of cereal/toast/yoghurt. Cooking pancakes and then insisting that's all there was would be considered very unusual.

But that's beside the point. The reason the OP didn't offer was because she was in a childish strop about the previous evening. The child's excuse is that she's 8 and therefore a child. Not sure what the Op's is.

i don't agree with the fantasy that this poor little poppet had been eagerly looking forward to a specific brand of bought pizza and was shattered by the reality of a totally different pizza experience

so many issues in one sentence.
I didn't say she was shattered by it. I suggested shed been looking forward to it and would have been disappointed.
The slightly odd flowering of the language came from you there.
Of course she would have had an idea about what pizza meant to her. How ludicrous to suggest otherwise.
If someone suggests fish and chips then I have a picture, and memory and expectation of white fish, in batter, with hot, slightly soft fat chips, such a as would be found in an English chip shop.
Someone could offer me fish and chips, ignighting the image described, and then serve up breadcrumbed herring with skinny fries or oven baked potato wedges. Some minor adjustment would be required.
And I'd be effing disappointed.
Of course I'd eat it, and probably enjoy it. But I'm not eight and I'm not staying at my best friedns house overnight for the first time where I'm fully aware of the mothers disapproval of me, even though she probably thinks she's being super accommodating.

I hate pesto

Rafal good post. I haven't read all the way through the thread but CorusKate, SuburbanRhonda and TheRealAmandaClarke all were spot on too.

And that "poor little poppet" comment is so loaded with derision.
How ridiculous.
An 8 yo didn't like the pizza. Boohoo.
Not.

Went there loads of sweets available for their midnight feast anyway?
Surely they stuffed themselves on popcorn and haribo after you'd all gone to bed.

YANBU.

You asked what she liked and tried to provide that. How does everyone know that homemade pizza isn't good enough? For that matter, how do you know whether to get supermarket own/ristorante/Chicago town/pizza express/dominos/pizza hut/papa johns?

What a minefield!

And you are then meant to get in assorted frozen foods in case the child doesn't like the thing the mum said she would like?

Are you meant to get in a selection of cereals too? Different breads, milks, cheeses? How the hell do you know.

You offered the child dinner, assorted snacks, and breakfast. Barring a bite of apple, she declined everything? That to me sounds like either a very fussy child with many food issues, in which case the mum should have told you, or it sounds like a spoiled child who hasn't been taught manners. I'm guessing the latter based on the mums reaction.

Absolutely ridiculous.

And fwiw, I have no frozen potato products in my freezer, no frozen meat that isn't in its original form, and I have one type of cereal right now.

You won't allow another sleep over even if your daughter asks simply because an 8 year old didn't eat your homemade pizza and pancakes.

Or maybe because she doesn't want the kid to starve herself again by refusing everything offered?

how do your ow whether to get [whatever variety of pizza]

Well I would ask the mum. Because I know that kids can be funny little buggers and I'd be mortified if someone felt unwelcome in my home.
And I have absolutely no problem with making a bit of a fuss of guests if it's within my power.

Heathcliff

And fwiw, I have no frozen potato products in my freezer, no frozen meat that isn't in its original form, and I have one type of cereal right now.

Hate to be the one to break it to you, slithy, but this is AIBU, not "How PC is your Freezer"

Of course I'd eat it, and probably enjoy it. But I'm not eight and I'm not staying at my best friedns house overnight for the first time where I'm fully aware of the mothers disapproval of me

Why would it be so testing to stay at your best friend's house overnight when you've done sleepovers before? And why would she think friend's mother disapproved of her when she's been happily making pizzas with her?

Well, all off round to slithytove's then.

AIBU?
I invited my DD's friend round for a sleepover. I asked her mum what sort of things the DD liked to do, and she said "oh, just stick on a film and I'm sure she'll be fine."
Well, in my house, we don't watch any of that terrible commercial crap; I think it rots children's minds (mine are very advanced; they go on exotic school trips and are very sophisticated; they even started going on sleepovers well ahead of their peers, because they are terribly mature, you see).
So I put on a Lars von Trier film, but the girl started to sulk. I offered a couple other choices, but she wouldn't watch my Kurosawa box set or even my 8mm home movies from the 1970s. Frankly, I think she has some issues.
When her mum came to pick her up, I made a passive-aggressive comment about hoping she wasn't ill, and do you know, the ill-mannered woman had the nerve to look a bit cross.
What can I say? I did my best. That cheeky little girl certainly won't be made welcome at my house again!