to give up trying to feed this child?

[ankar]

We had dd's best friend for a sleepover last night. The girls are both 8. My dd has done quite a few sleepovers before but her friend started only recently - a mixture of not wanting to initially and then wanting to but her mum being too anxious about it. Anyhow...she was finally allowed to come and it mostly went fine, the girls got along well and even did some sleeping.

However....this child would not eat anything! We really tried and had them make their own pizzas, decorate biscuits and offered lots of general snacks like fruit, yoghurt, crackers etc. She refused everything at first but then later on was obviously really hungry as she did eat a couple of pieces of apple, but that was all she would eat. I just kind of shrugged to begin with and thought she wasn't hungry, but then I realised that she was, but she wouldn't eat our food.

In the morning I made pancakes which she also refused. She looked at the plate and said "I don't like them". By then I was worried but also a bit fed up of offering different things for her to turn her nose up at, so I just said "Well that's a pity" and didn't offer anything else. When her mum just came to pick her up she asked how things went and I said fine but she didn't want to eat anything so I hope she's not coming down with something as she seemed to have no appetite. The mum looked at me quite cross but didn't say anything, then on the way to the car I heard the girl asking if they could pick up pizza on the way home as she was starving!

What could I have done and should I have offered her something else in the morning?

Icimoi, no she never - she may have offered different snacks but she offered home made pizza for dinner and pancakes for breakfast and nothing else!

That's not really true brdgrl - the child was welcome to choose from whatever snacks we had in the house. You're suggesting that I was supposed to go out and buy different foods/snacks from usual? I've never done that...seems rather silly and unnecessary.

I don't think offering crackers, yoghurt or apples instead of pizza is giving several alternatives. I would have offered 'real' food, whether that was Beans on Toast, a sandwich or chicken nuggets.

Very annoying to make a whole new meal and have her reject that too. Much safer to offer small snacks which are still nutritious and would fill her up if she was hungry.

I'm suggesting that if the foods you have in, routinely, don't include some of the popular and child-friendly options, you might rethink that. Your choice of course, but if you are going to stick to smug ideas about what the children 'should' eat, you aren't being as nice as you could be.

But mostly I am suggesting that you let it go. Just be kind! Invite the girl back! Let your DD have a friend without looking for reasons to judge and find her lacking! Just let it go.

I don't think offering crackers, yoghurt or apples instead of pizza is giving several alternatives. I would have offered 'real' food, whether that was Beans on Toast, a sandwich or chicken nuggets.
Yes.

Well.. we are well-travelled and very multicultural (DS is "made of" 4 quarters of completely different nationalities), but this doesn't stop DS from being fussy. I was a very good eater as a child (nothing my parents did), but still struggled with and refused to eat many of the staples of the Mediterranean cuisine. I do enjoy them now. I generally find people in other countries more understanding when it comes to childhood fussiness than Britain. E.g. in the Mediterranean, plain, white bread is served during most, if not all, meals and fruit would be available for afters, with biscuits, yoghurts, etc. for snacks, so most fussy children would be catered for in that way.

Right now there are mothers/grannies from all corners of the world chasing their children/grandchildren around with morsels of food trying to get them to eat, or pretending that the fork/chopsticks are an aeroplane/train going into a "tunnel" .. It all usually works out fine in the end, unless fussy eating is made a major battle ground.

P.S. Ds is a very advanced reader (G&T) who taught himself to do it at around 2.5-3 years old. IMO, I had as much to do with that as I did with his food fussiness.

I'm not sure what you mean by child-friendly food really though. I don't feed my dcs frozen nuggets etc and would not be prepared to buy that junk at all really. Children can eat all food and yes if my dcs really want to eat chicken nuggets they can choose it from a menu when we go to a restaurant but I choose not to feed that to them at home as I consider it to be unhealthy crap they just don't need. I say again, homemade pizza is, I think, quite far up on the list of "child-friendly", whatever that is.

That's assuming op had any chicken nuggets.

I wouldn't cook a whole new meal either tbh. I'd do toast with beans or on it's own or a sandwich but there would be no cooking of chicken nuggets as I wouldn't have Any. And is have to hope the kid ate bread maker brown bread or Branson beans

If it was my child id not even expect crackers tbh. I never expect people to cook a separate meal for her.

Actually I would be mortified if at someone's house my dcs said they didn't like a meal and were cooked something different!

zzzz, Schools offering residential trips certainly accommodate disabilities. What they do not accommodate is every single like and dislike of non-disabled children. And in fact it's interesting how, in that situation, fussy eaters become considerably less fussy.

CorusKate that is definitely true with spicy food if that is all they have from a young age.

I'm not sure what you mean by child-friendly food really though. I don't feed my dcs frozen nuggets etc and would not be prepared to buy that junk at all really. Children can eat all food and yes if my dcs really want to eat chicken nuggets they can choose it from a menu when we go to a restaurant but I choose not to feed that to them at home as I consider it to be unhealthy crap they just don't need. I say again, homemade pizza is, I think, quite far up on the list of "child-friendly", whatever that is.

This thread has given you suggestions of popular, child-friendly alternatives. They don't have to include frozen chicken nuggets, but honestly, if you aren't willing to have a bit of flexibility about other kids' eating habits, then you're kind of being a jerk. Really. I'm not sure how else to say it.

Go on, tell us more about this homemade pizza.

I choose not to feed that to them at home as I consider it to be unhealthy crap they just don't need

OP could you please explain what is unhealthy and crap about chicken breast cut into smaller pieces, coated in breadcrumbs and oven cooked?

My standard thing to say when we visit DS's friends is "please, don't fix anything special - pretend as if DS isn't here, he probably will not eat it whatever you make. If you want, you can offer him bread or fruit that you might already have in the house, but please do not worry about him".

I think if you're going to make pizza / chicken nuggets etc yourself then it's got to still be readily identifiable as what most children will be expecting. And given that many children are quite particular about what they will and won't eat, it's only sensible to stick to fairly basic options.

I've known a number of children who won't eat pancakes, so I'd have offered toast or cereal too for breakfast.

I wouldn't want anyone to cook a separate meal for DD, either. But I'd be pretty aghast if someone decided not to have her over again because she turned up her nose at their homemade pizza.

I do dislike the repeated insinuation that, because this child wouldn't eat anything that OP offered, therefore OP must be unable to understand or accommodate disabled children or children with eating disorders. There is no evidence that she wouldn't accommodate that if she knew about it, and it's really pretty offensive to suggest otherwise.

ici: When children are old enough to go on residential trips they are often old enough to care about whet their peers do/think - this is how many fussy eaters gradually change. They do not want to be the one not able to go for a curry with uni friends after the pub.