PIL's winter fuel allowance

[Worriedkat]

PIL have just received their winter fuel allowance, late due to an admin oversight apparently. They want to use it to take us and DHs siblings and partners out for a slap up expensive meal.

I don't feel quite right about it. Probably having worked for a well known advice organisation and remembering all the clients badly affected by austerity measures. I suggested to MIL that we buy a meal to cook in our house and donate the rest of the money to charity, she got all offended and said her and FIL had never been eligible for any help when their kids were small overlooking child benefit and the fact they have significant savings and they're not going to refuse handouts now they're finally getting them.

Would IBU to not go on this meal? Am perfectly open to being told I'm being way too precious about this.

YANBU. I can't believe the neck of your PIL. They should be ashamed of themselves.

"I suspect they think it's another one of my silly misguided ideas."

It is.

You do realise that cutting your children's activities so you can donate your CB to charity will deprive someone of their income?

It's up to you what you do with your money, but giving to charity is not the only way to put money to good use and be socially useful. You seem very black and white in your thinking.

So initially your OP was about your principles and whether you were unreasonable to suggest your PIL's donated the money to charity. And now that at least 50%+ of posters have said that whatever your views it was a rude response to an invite to dinner, your PIL's appear to have morphed suddenly into the Sheriff of Nottingham!

How handy. Of course you can't be being unreasonable to such horrid people.

Why on earth would you tell then that your e thinking of donating your CB to charity?

If you're serious about doing it, just get on and do it quietly. It's not something you need to tell anyone, especially the people you have just offended because you negatively judged their choice of what to spend their money on.

That just sounds like sanctimonious shit stirring to me.

WooWoo - but whats the point of donating to charity if you don't make sure people know about it, eh?

Things have improved this morning. It degenerated last night into me being in a total panic about how to organise more overtime so that we could afford to feed the visiting inlaws by doing a waitrose shop. At the moment I can't even afford to sniff the air inside the shop! DH says that I shouldnt sacrifice the children's safety (swimming lessons) on the altar of a misguided principle and I don't even earn a third of the CB cap so to leave it alone. He also said that the ILs were allowed to think that charity work and being honest with the revenue is misguided if they want to, but I'm not being a sap by wanting to try and help others. He basically said I've got too much on my plate with work kids money and am not thinking straight. So, many tears but hopefully we are moving forward again.