PIL's winter fuel allowance

[Worriedkat]

PIL have just received their winter fuel allowance, late due to an admin oversight apparently. They want to use it to take us and DHs siblings and partners out for a slap up expensive meal.

I don't feel quite right about it. Probably having worked for a well known advice organisation and remembering all the clients badly affected by austerity measures. I suggested to MIL that we buy a meal to cook in our house and donate the rest of the money to charity, she got all offended and said her and FIL had never been eligible for any help when their kids were small overlooking child benefit and the fact they have significant savings and they're not going to refuse handouts now they're finally getting them.

Would IBU to not go on this meal? Am perfectly open to being told I'm being way too precious about this.

tgif, here have one of these

YABU, and you've insulted them by making a suggestion you must have known wouldn't be acceptable to them just to make a point.

I can see your point OP and I hope if I'm lucky enough to be in that situation when I am retired that I wouldn't claim the money or if I did, I'd do something noble with it. In reality I suspect that I would do exactly the same as your in-laws.

My parents are the same as them. They are personally very generous to us and other relatives but would never dream of giving their money or time to charity. They refuse to believe that there is poverty in the UK and my DF comes out with belters such as they should stop all benefits and that he can't believe that anyone in the UK needs to use a soup kitchen .

I have taken to disagreeing with some of his more outrageous statements, but tbh I'm just wasting my breath.

Provided other aspects of your relationship with PILs is good then I would suggest that you go to this meal and do it with grace. If you wish to salve your conscience then make a donation to Age Concern or another charity of your choice.

Oh and I would love a charity goat!

I thought you would.

IfISpell - I explained upthread why certain benefits are not means tested, insisting it is at the expense of the state and/or those who need it and won't claim just to spite those who might not need it isn't very charitable now is it?

Don't hate the players, hate the game.

Your motives are misdirected. Your PIL are maybe trying to assuage the guilt they feel for accepting this money by spending it on the people they love.

Don't be ungracious.

actually rookiemaker that's a good suggestion - why not go to the meal but afterwards make a donation to your favourite charity to the value of your meal? that way its a win-win situation.

Calculatorsatdawn has given a perfect explanation. Their only mistake was in telling you where the money came from.

YANBU to fell uncomfortable about the winter fuel allowance. Giving government money to one of the richest sections of society whether they need it or not is a crazy policy.

However YABU to turn down the dinner. I'm guessing the in-laws feel bad about getting a hand out they don't need when austerity is affecting so many people and that's why they want to share it. Have the dinner and maybe campaign to end the winter fuel allowance.

Maybe the PILs actually do see the OP and family as a charity case and, by taking the poor things out for a hot dinner, they are 'giving to the poor'?

Oh yes Cognito - I hadn't thought of that. Perfect.

Perhaps so unlikely the current account could stretch to a goat at the moment they are very into charity beginning at home.

Near the windmill , your attitude is appalling. Why would you want to take what you don't need while your neighbour could be living in poverty due to government cuts.

Well it's clear from your later posts that they were never going to go for your suggestion, which does somewhat beg the question why you made it? It could very well be perceived that you did so in order to highlight your moral superiority and worthiness in comparison to their free spending ways. It certainly gives off a strong sense of disapproval. I would have been mightily pissed off, if after inviting someone for dinner they refused me so ungraciously, on the basis that they didn't approve of my (completely legal) income source. Especially if they have no issue tapping into that income source themselves.

I think you were very rude and I wouldn't blame your ILs one bit for being upset.

Update: have spoken to them on phone. I apologised if I came across wrong. They said that one day I would realise that all this messing about with needy causes and charity work and declaring cash in hand was silly, I am a bit anal and a control freak. We should be all out for ourselves. Looking after number one etc. Needless to say they weren't exactly complimentary about us considering donating the child benefit to charity, & shocked that we would deny our children a few of life's nice things. Anyway I kind of ummed along with the conversation, even MILs parting shot "and for goodness sake chill out have a nice meal, decent food not that awful basics stuff you buy, tastes like rubber, yuck".

So I guess that's me told!

I agree with others who say they've probably used their treat money for heating and now they're repaying the treat pot.

Oops cross post, not feeling so generous now.

My dad spent his getting his jag cleaned

This year he's giving it to help the aged.

Apparently kew it could be easily means tested - give it only to the pensioners who get pension credit (? Nt sure of the correct title, was listening to a discussion on the radio with half an ear).

Blimey!!!! I would love your PIL to get to know people who have severe disabilities and only get state benefits to live, can't afford to heat their homes and don't get a winter fuel allowance.

I would really struggle with that attitude

Randommess they think if you're poor you've done something wrong. Only those that have paid enough in should be able to take out again. They like the austerity measures because they believe everything in the daily mail because they haven't been affected.

yeah well unfortunately a consultant can botch your op and you can have no legal recourse for compensation and live a shitty impoverished life afterwards...

I think they need a goat for Christmas.

So knowing all this about them why did you suggest donating to charity? Surely you knew they wouldn't accept or even appreciate your suggestion? And why did you tell them about donating the child benefit? Do you enjoy getting a reaction from them?

my mum uses it to buy Christmas presents.

Oh please... you deliberately eat cheap, nasty food so that you can give your CB to charity? There's having principles and then there's being holier than thou

laymedown i suppose I would feel a bit guilty tucking into a large steak paid for by the WFA , and it might be rather nice to still have a meal and be able to give a little back as well. There was no malicious intent. But yes I should'nt have got my hopes up that they'd think the same.

Cogito we eat a lot of the "lowest range" food paid for by our salaries. Basics/essentials type ranges. Giving back the CB would mean cutting out the kids activities. The two have not historically been connected.