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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Am I being unreasonable to want my doctor to apologise to me?

189 replies

tennor · 14/05/2014 23:08

To cut a long story short my life is falling apart at the moment, I need to sort out work (retrain) and somewhere to live among other things. I’ve been suffering depression and went to the doctor A who referred me to my borough’s psychological services. I spoke to them on the phone and they have made an appointment for me, however they said they were worried about my mental state and asked me to make another appointment at the doctors (I guess for anti depressants). The morning of my appointment I found out that a friend of mine had died. Another Doctor, Doctor B, looked at my letter from Psychological therapies and said “well I don’t know what they expect me to do” she asked me about my mental state too, I replied that I feel stressed and angry. She told me “I know what you’re doing you’re putting this on to bump your way up the housing ladder” – however I am not even on the “housing ladder”. Taken aback by this comment I said I’m stressed out, my friend has died and asked if she could prescribe me some Valium. No she replied, I asked if she would prescribe just 1 pill, she said “I don’t give people like you valium”. I said I think that she is not a nice person and she showed me the door.

I walked out on to the street totally stressed out, muscles cramping. I tried to go home yet found myself walking up and down the road. After about 30 minutes I went back to see Dr B, I knocked on her door, she opened it and said she was busy, I said ok i will wait. She then walked past me and around the corner and that was the last time a saw her. Two minutes later the receptionist came around and asked me to leave, I told her I just want to see Dr B to get some Valium, she told me the doctor doesn’t want to see you and this surgery doesn’t prescribe Valium. She said If I had a problem, write a complaint.

I went back outside pacing up and down and decided I would write a complaint letter, I went home and wrote the letter which included the facebook address of my dead friend and my post to him which I had left that morning before going to the doctors. I went back to the doctors with my letter, I wanted her to go on line and look at it so she could see that I was not making this up.

I was asked to wait in reception and she would see me, 20 minutes later the police walked in and told me that she has made a complaint about me being aggressive and that she is not going to see me. The police had the new video and audio cameras recording everything that went on, I have to say they were the nicest police I have ever met, If they didn’t have the video cameras I would have certainly have been arrested. I told them im not leaving so arrest me but they defused the situation and I left peacefully with an appointment to see a different doctor.
However I am still angry at the way Dr B treated me, and her outright lie to the police about me being aggressive. I asked the receptionist if she had ever seen me be aggressive and she replied no.
i want to add that I have never had valium prescribed to me before or any other drug for that matter from my doctors and that I hardly ever visit the doctor. i want to book an appointment with her so she can read my compliant letter and visit my dead friends facebook page and apologise to me. Am I being unreasonable to the cow?

OP posts:
UncleT · 14/05/2014 23:13

The comments about the housing stuff, if true, and if you are genuinely not in that situation anyway, are horrible. On the other hand, how do you think it looks turning up and demanding valium??

Wooodpecker · 14/05/2014 23:15

Sorry you are having such a difficult time. I would focus more on your self than the doctor. She was wrong but I don't think it will help you right now to pursue it. It will be your word against hers and your energy would be far better focussed on yourself.

gordyslovesheep · 14/05/2014 23:16

I think she was wrong to say what she said and yes you are free to complain about that

however I think you also sound very very angry and maybe that is making you see things differently? If the police where called it would suggest you where a tad unreasonable yourself?

also demanding valium does look suspect

Famzilla · 14/05/2014 23:16

If you've never had it before why were you so insistent on getting it? And then to come back demanding it as well. Sorry but Valium is incredibly addictive and heavily abused and I wouldn't have prescribed it to you either under those circumstances.

brokenhearted55a · 14/05/2014 23:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gordyslovesheep · 14/05/2014 23:16

and I'm sorry about your friend x Thanks

Roshbegosh · 14/05/2014 23:17

You can't tell her what to prescribe and your behaviour sounds like it was demanding and even threatening. You were upset and didn't know how you were coming across but it's at least possible that YABU.

Mrsmorton · 14/05/2014 23:17

It's not up to you to decide whether you were aggressive, if she felt threatened then she was right to call the police.

YABU for calling her a cow. You can't demand an apology from her either. If you want to complain, do it officially, via the practice complaints manager. Booking an appointment to try to make her apologise will probably get the police involved again.

Jollyphonics · 14/05/2014 23:18

What the Dr said to you about the housing ladder was totally unreasonable, but your demand for Valium and subsequent bizarre behaviour makes me question the truth of your account I'm afraid. Why did you want Valium if you've never had it before? What made you think it would help?

AnyFucker · 14/05/2014 23:19

What the doctor said sounds horrid, but I would have found your subsequent behaviour threatening and been frightened of what you might do next. It was appropriate for her to call the police and don't be surprised if you get an injunction taken out against you and for you to be struck off the surgery's list. Mental health problems or not, legitimate grievance or not, you cannot treat health providers like this and not expect serious repercussions.

WooWooOwl · 14/05/2014 23:21

Judging only on the fact that you just named this doctor all the way through a post and plastered her name and workplace on the Internet before being deleted (nice swift work there MNHQ) then you probably are being incredibly unreasonable.

iK8 · 14/05/2014 23:21

Other than the housing benefit comment (which was just weird and doesn't make any sense) my sympathy is with the doctor. Going back without an appointment and making a nuisance of yourself demanding drugs, writing letters with links to dead people's Facebook pages and I don't even understand the bit about you would have been arrested were it not for the recording equipment the police had - do you mean if you weren't being filmed you would have kicked off??

Why do you think a script for Valium would be the right course of action any way? It is highly addictive and used as a recreational drug so not prescribed without very good reason and in cases where options for alternatives are very limited.

Casmama · 14/05/2014 23:22

You were being unreasonable to demand Valium and it was appropriate she didn't give you it.
To leave the practice then return and knock directly on her door rather than go to reception is aggressive and strange behaviour. I doubt you will get an apology and there is almost jo chance she will look up the Facebook page of your dead friend so perhaps focus on getting yourself some help from another GP.

TheOneWithTheHair · 14/05/2014 23:22

I think you need to let this go. You need to focus on yourself for a while although I can see why you're upset.

So sorry about your friend. Flowers

CoffeeTea103 · 14/05/2014 23:22

Op the rest of your post from the doctors comment onwards makes me question if you totally misunderstood what the doctor said. Demanding the Valium, repeatedly coming back, and then wanting to see some fb post, all of this comes across very aggressive and the doctor was right to call the police. I hope you are getting help now though.

iK8 · 14/05/2014 23:23

Housing ladder is usually said in reference to buying property so I'm just Confused

brokenhearted55a · 14/05/2014 23:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

helpmeimamess · 14/05/2014 23:24

With a referral from physiological services for a follow up appointment and the OP asked for Valium all the doctor had to do was explain why not, what she could prescribe if anything. Clearly she needed mental health support rather than snooty comments. I don't see the issue with asking for Valium, the OP just needed guidance, by the looks of it this GP wasn't fit for supporting anyone with anything other than purely physical problems.

UncleT · 14/05/2014 23:25

You plastered the doctor's real details all over this site?? Any residual sympathy lost, sorry. Totally out of order.

GeordieMama · 14/05/2014 23:26

It sounds like you're having a really difficult time!
However from the doctors point of view you were repeatedly requesting a benzo (Valium) which is not only an addictive and highly abused drug but also has a street value. It does sound like she had formed an undoubtedly unfair view of you from what you've said (the housing comment) but that will be what drove her actions.
I hope you can get the support you need when you see the other doctor.

Floralnomad · 14/05/2014 23:26

The dr wouldn't have just said what she did about the 'housing ladder' so either you are not telling a truthful account of the appointment or the previous dr had written something in your notes about your housing problems . TBH your account sounds bizarre and probably was threatening ,how did you exactly tell her she wasn't a nice person ,because I doubt they are the words you used .YABU , if anyone should apologise its probably you .

AnyFucker · 14/05/2014 23:27

The GP would not be disposed to prescribing anything for anyone acting in such a disturbing and threatening manner. It is likely there was another patient having a consultation when OP barged back in. Totally out of order.

AnyFucker · 14/05/2014 23:28

I missed the RL outing too. I presume HQ edited it from the OP. Fucking disgraceful.

PacificDogwood · 14/05/2014 23:28

YABU.

Having mental health problem and a recent bereavement does not give you licence to behave as you did.

Are you suggesting the police were only polite to you because they wore the new video recording devices?

Musicaltheatremum · 14/05/2014 23:28

As a GP we don't call the police for nothing in fact we rarely cause them. But we do not give in to demands for drugs. After 20 years I have heard all the excuses in the book to get Valium and similar. It doesn't work and if you get aggressive then we haven't the time for that. We have plenty more work to do.
Agree the comment re the housing ladder seems unpleasant.

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