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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think 'big news' should be shared with family before fb.

50 replies

MsColouring · 13/05/2014 21:15

So engagements, births, pregnancies etc.

When I we got engaged we phoned or texted family and close friends before putting it on fb.

Found out some family news today (new baby - close family member) via fb. Feeling a bit put out about finding out this way.

Am I being petty?

OP posts:
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 13/05/2014 21:16

If it's their news to share it's their choice

WednesdayNext · 13/05/2014 21:20

I don't think you're being petty. I found out my grandmother died from Facebook. I think it's quite hurtful.

Andrewofgg · 13/05/2014 21:22

YANBU but I hope you get much joy from your new little relation.

PumpkinPie2013 · 13/05/2014 21:25

YANBU - I don't like the idea of people finding things out on fb.

However, I suppose it's up to individuals how they share their news.

FWIW me and dh never announced my pregnancy on fb and I only shared news of our son's arrival once all family and closest friends knew. I am very picky who I friend though - a couple of family members who live away and some very good uni friends as we are scattered all.over the country now.

I don't really get why people feel the need to put every detail of their lives on fb Hmm

PumpkinPie2013 · 13/05/2014 21:26

Wednesday that's awful Sad

usuallysuspect · 13/05/2014 21:28

FB is for sharing things.

That's why people put details of their lives on it.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 13/05/2014 21:31

When i got engaged we sent letters by carrier pigeon

SaucyJack · 13/05/2014 21:36

YABU. You don't get to dictate how other people use their Facefuck pages.

Nanny0gg · 13/05/2014 21:39

It's priority though, isn't it?

It lumps close family in with 400 randoms, half of whom they haven't clapped eyes on for years and will probably never see again.

And I don't think anything beats the joy of sharing the news verbally, either over the phone or face to face.

Nanny0gg · 13/05/2014 21:40

Not the news of a death, obviously... Blush

SarcyMare · 13/05/2014 21:43

YABU, it is their news, i only have real actual friends on facebook, so everyone on their is exactly the same priority, but finding out about death is horrible but understandable, you aren't upto telling everyone and hearing their sympathies and explaining it ALL for the umpteenth time, so you take the easy route.

Same reason i announced my redundancy on FB as i am not good at sympathy, i just bury stuff and ignore it and get on with other important stuff.

gamerchick · 13/05/2014 21:44

The husband found out he was going to be a grandad for the first time on facebook. It really hurt his feelings. But the DIL is a poisonous fuck anyway and wasn't the first or last nasty thing shes done so I personally wasn't surprised.

indigo18 · 13/05/2014 21:45

Another Baby-news-on Facebook thread; think that's the third in about a week.

SarcyMare · 13/05/2014 21:48

Or maybe they just don't consider you that close

2rebecca · 13/05/2014 21:52

Up to the people involved, although it suggests someone not that close to their extended family and a bit of a drama queen, or the sort of person who can't keep anything to themselves and tells everything to facebook. Either way it's not really about you it's about them and the way they view life so I'd let it go.

whynowblowwind · 13/05/2014 21:55

It's easy to say news of a death should not be put on Facebook, but it can be incredibly difficult organising everything after a death, not to mention immensely painful repeating yourself over and over.

When a close relative died we resorted to Facebook because to be honest they had no address book - by posting on there most people were notified immediately, and could pass on the information...I don't see why it's better or worse than a phone call to be honest.

Normalisavariantofcrazy · 13/05/2014 21:57

I also found out about a baby via fb again a family member. Wonder if it's the same baby

Anyway I'm glad I found out on fb and not over the phone, it allowed me to laugh at the name in private

TheresLotsOfFarmyardAnimals · 13/05/2014 21:59

I saw dsis fb relationship status change to engaged. I was a bit shocked that she shared it like that.

NadiaWadia · 13/05/2014 22:00

But not everyone has Facebook, particularly the older generation. I don't, and have no desire to.

scarffiend · 13/05/2014 22:01

Some things just shouldn't be shared on Facebook. When my grandad died, I was incredibly grateful that my dad had called before I had checked Facebook that morning, as his SIL's sister (not blood relative) had put an RIP message on there. I thought that was really out of line, she wasn't close to him and it would have been a horrendous way to find out he had gone.

shakinstevenslovechild · 13/05/2014 22:02

When I had ds 13 years ago I sent out a generic text message to everyone on my phone, FB is just the modern version of that. Far easier to update FB once rather than call 20+ people repeating the same information over and over again.

whynowblowwind · 13/05/2014 22:04

I know that nadia, but in our case someone did who knew someone who knew someone ...

It's impossible when you know there are people who need to know but you haven't a clue how to get in touch with. By posting it on Facebook, it did spread and to be honest it was distressing enough without going over it all ten/twenty times especially as everyone had a lot of questions and I couldn't answer them!

NadiaWadia · 13/05/2014 22:06

But like I said, you will probably find many of your older relations will not have Facebook. It's not compulsory yet. Is it OK for them to not be told, then?

NadiaWadia · 13/05/2014 22:06

Sorry X post

whynowblowwind · 13/05/2014 22:10

I know it was a cross post nadia but there is no need to be so rude. I did not say or imply that it was "okay for older relations not to be told."

However, we had no address book, no phone with contacts, nothing. The phone was with my relative when he died but due to the nature of the death wasn't usable: I presume his contacts were all on there. I cannot begin to explain how horrific it was anyway and I can just remember sitting there saying x needs to know, so does y, but I didn't know how to contact these people. I contacted the ones I could but then out a message up on Facebook and people kindly spread the word on my behalf.

I would have been sick with upset if I thought anyone was sat there being nasty and judging me as a drama queen when I just didn't know what to do.