Page 2 | to think 'big news' should be shared with family before fb.

MsColouring · 2014-05-13T20:15:55+00:00

So engagements, births, pregnancies etc. When I we got engaged we phoned or texted family and close friends before putting it on fb. Found out some family news today (new baby - close family member) via fb. Feeling a bit put out about finding out this way. Am I being petty?

NadiaWadia · 13/05/2014 22:23

I was not actually talking to you specifically, whynow, therefore I was not being rude to you, but sorry if you got that impression. I am sorry for your loss and can see it was a very difficult situation for you.

2rebecca · 13/05/2014 22:27

I think if you've told the people who are close family members then facebook is fine for letting the wider public know. From the OP's post I presume it's a sibling as she said close family member. If you don't know people's contact details then they aren't close family (of you anyway, they may be close family members of the deceased but if he didn't have an address book with them in and you don't know their contact details then they aren't your close relatives.).
I do think some people enjoy the drama od putting every piece of news they have on facebook and like being "the first" to tell people news, even when it isn't their news. That's different to putting stuff on facebook when you've informed your immediate family or haven't contact details for them.

Moxiechick · 14/05/2014 07:01

I told all my family and close friends before announcing to everyone else on fb. My ex hadnt told any of his family despite him living with his mum, dad and sisters). I told him to hurry up as I was starting to show so he just announced it to fb, which is how his sisters found out as well as 1000 random people. A few weeks later he told his mum. What an idiot

beccajoh · 14/05/2014 07:17

I found out DH's grandad had died on FB. His (DH) uncle posted the news about two hours after the death. My FIL was still at the nursing home dealing with doctors and such like so hadn't been able to call his kids yet. Thankfully I managed to call MIL and tell her about it before DH saw the status update, so he heard the news from her rather than something posted to all and sundry on the internet. I guess he was just upset and wanted to tell his friends, but several of DH's cousins live overseas in places where it's often difficult to phone (rural India). Although they can get internet easy enough ...

When it comes to happy news, then I don't think it's completely unreasonable to share news via Facebook, but I'd give close relatives and friends the courtesy of calling or telling in person because I want them to know first.

twofingerstoGideon · 14/05/2014 07:22

YANBU. I found out my father had died from FB. My niece decided to post about it before I'd been told.

flipchart · 14/05/2014 07:31

I understand that FB is a great tool for getting in touch with people.

I've no problem with births and engagements being announced.
There's no reason why the Pm section can't be used to inform relatives about a death rather than going on the general page.

crispsanddips · 14/05/2014 07:32

Yanbu.

I found out my dad was engaged because my dp was scrolling through his newsfeed and said "err have you spoken to your dad?" and turned the phone round so I could see the status update. I was incredibly hurt. He had made no effort to make sure I knew before other people. Don't think I can ever forgive him for that to be honest.

When I have an announcement- new baby, engagementetc I make a card and post it to the people that matter, my friends and family. I don't put it on facebook. I just think its nice to make an effort. Also, all the "congratulations!!" messages seem so generic. Nothing like phoning and actually hearing the excitement in someones voice.

I think it is sad that so many people don't value human relationships enough to spare five minutes to call around to announce their news.

DizzyKipper · 14/05/2014 07:51

Sorry but as much as I do understand the frustration I still have to say YABU. Other people get to decide how to give their news.
Both SILs announced the births of their sons through fb before bothering to make sure me and DH knew. Whilst that in itself didn't bother me what really annoyed me was knowing how much me and DH would get chewed up and spat out by MIL if we dared to do the same thing.

PorkPieandPickle · 14/05/2014 08:01

It's just the modern version of putting an announcement in births, deaths and marriages in the local paper really. I mean many years ago, when the telephone was invented, people probably thought it wasn't the done thing to give news over the phone and it should be done in person.

Times change. As long as its their news to tell, they can tell it however they want. When it's your news, you can choose to share it the way you want.

gamerchick · 14/05/2014 08:10

I wonder those who think it's no big deal would feel if they found out a significant bit of news from one of their kids via Facebook.

If your daughter announced her first pregnancy online before telling you I would say you were a liar if you said it wouldn't bother you.

Rafflesway · 14/05/2014 08:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ragwort · 14/05/2014 08:16

I'm with you Raffles - have never used FB or had any desire to, I still quite like reading the newspaper announcements.

My Dad (84) cuts out the announcements of deaths from the Telegraph to share with me, sadly he is now at the age when many of his friends are in those lists.

For those of you who do rely heavily on 'social media' - how do you contact people who don't use it, or don't you bother? And how do you know who does or doesn't use it? .

gotnotimeforthat · 14/05/2014 08:37

It's even worse when it is your own news that somebody else had plastered all over Facebook.

I hadn't put anything at all on Facebook about my pregnancy. Besides a select few family members and friends that I had told the news to either in PM, face to face or by text nobody else had any idea that I
Was pregnant.

When my partner informed a family member that my waters had broken and later that DS was born that family member then told other more distant family members. Which is totally fine. But then some took it upon themselves to publicly congratulate me on my timeline.
Cue 50+ friend requests from nosey bitches I went to school with and a load of ' oh I didn't know you had a baby! Congrats' public posts.

I would of been happy without those people knowing.

gotnotimeforthat · 14/05/2014 08:38

It's even worse when it is your own news that somebody else had plastered all over Facebook.

I hadn't put anything at all on Facebook about my pregnancy. Besides a select few family members and friends that I had told the news to either in PM, face to face or by text nobody else had any idea that I
Was pregnant.

When my partner informed a family member that my waters had broken and later that DS was born that family member then told other more distant family members. Which is totally fine. But then some took it upon themselves to publicly congratulate me on my timeline.
Cue 50+ friend requests from nosey bitches I went to school with and a load of ' oh I didn't know you had a baby! Congrats' public posts.

I would of been happy without those people knowing.

CuntBiscuit · 14/05/2014 08:39

Their news, their business how they handle it, I'm afraid.

flipchart · 14/05/2014 09:27

I would of been happy without those people knowing.
What difference does it make that they know. It's not like it's a secret.

flipchart · 14/05/2014 09:28

Sometimes I feel like I am the only MNer that loves FB!
However it is only a resource or tool. FB is not bad. It's just that some people don't always use it appropriately!

BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack · 14/05/2014 09:34

I am sure people really close to that person know...it's probably distant relatives or cousins they haven't seen for ages who find out in ways like fb.

I think it depends on how close you are to that person. If you haven't seem them for ages they probably wouldn't think to call...and why would they.....fab is a much easier way of doing it.

I love fb but you need to use it properly other wise it can cause all sorts of issues and no way would I let my 11 yo DS go on there although half his class do.

gotnotimeforthat · 14/05/2014 09:35

What difference does it make that they know. It's not like it's a secret.

They didn't need to know. I live a good 300 miles away from my home town and haven't really kept in touch with anyone from school or college. I dont need women I've not seen or spoken to in years to suddenly be interested in my life just because I have a child it is none of their business.

CloverHeart · 14/05/2014 09:52

There are certain relatives of mine who live over 300 miles away and ONLY ever contact me through facebook (something which will stop hopefully, now that i've deleted myself).

There are also people in my life that don't deserve the courtesy so i make it happen that they find out second hand. Petty? Probably but they hae treated me with utter contempt and generally like a piece of shit on their shoe since my MH diagnosis

CloverHeart · 14/05/2014 09:53

Deaths on the other hand, unless there is no other way, is out of order. I'd never do that, even to my vile relatives!

moggle · 14/05/2014 10:13

Did you find out on FB FROM THEM or from someone else?
If the former, it wouldn't be my way of doing things but it's up to them really.
If the latter, that is very out of order IMO. I found out my brother had got engaged when my cousin couldn't restrain her excitement and wrote on FB. My bro had sent me a text but it had a photo attached of her hand with the ring, so I didn't receive it as we were in bad phone signal territory, then I looked at FB before the message eventually came through. Also the way my cousin had worded it made it sound like they'd actually got married... All fine in the end though :-)
We are pregnant and I hate having to tell everyone "... but please keep it of FB for now", but I just would hate anyone to find out that way before I've had a chance to tell them. (I didn't have to tell my cousin!). Obviously eventually we'll have told everyone who matters, then I'm happy for the news to be on FB.

ItsAFuckingVase · 14/05/2014 11:15

My brother died a few weeks ago in very tragic circumstances overseas. My cousin drove my sister to our mums house and then posted on Facebook straight away at about 6am. Before my other brother had been told. It wasn't his news to share so publically, and I'd have thought it common sense to not post until immediate family have done so if they choose to.

Then again, same cousin tried to invite himself to our very private service overseas too, knowing full well that it was just parents and siblings with a full service to follow at home for everybody.

Some people just have no decorum at all. But I'll never forgive him for trying to turn my brothers death into his own grief circus.

gemmal88 · 14/05/2014 12:26

My parents don't use Facebook, nor do my aunts so we tend to tell big news over the phone to family first and then on Facebook. I have a couple of my Mum's friends on Facebook and my Mum would loose her shit if one of her friends told her news about us before we did!

pommedeterre · 14/05/2014 19:04

Yanbu

But it can happen by 'accident'! I put my engagement on fb then got distracted celebrating and so didn't let family know. My mum got a congratulations text from her best mate whose daughter had seen it on fb before a call from me - oops.

It wasn't unexpected though - I was pg with dd1 and dh had asked my dad for his permission.