To be so upset about abortion protesters?

[CundtBake]

I have posted a few times about my pregnancy and my decision to have an abortion. I had medical treatment a few weeks ago that didn't work, and I had to return to the clinic today.

I've been an emotional wreck ever since I found out I was pregnant, it's not a decision I have taken lightly at all and the fact that my first treatment was unsuccessful has made it all the more traumatic.

On my way in today I was faced with protestors holding up huge pictures of unborn babies, shouting at me that my baby has a heartbeat and stuff like that. By the time I got into the clinic I was sobbing and haven't stopped.

My situation probably isn't an unusual one, it hasn't been easy and I will probably always feel guilty and upset. I feel so violated that these people think it's appropriate to make me feel worse, to judge me for a situation I assume they haven't been in (especially since a lot of them were men).

I then also thought, what about girls and women who have been raped? What about girls who have been abused and are way too young to carry out a pregnancy let alone give birth? How can they justify what they are doing without knowing every single persons situation walking into that clinic?

Their pictures are still haunting me. I just don't understand how people can do that and think it's ok. I understand everyone has their views on abortion which they are entitled to. But to actively go out and try to distress people like that, how can they think that's ok?

Yeah, these assholes protest outside our planned parenthoods where girls get cheap an affordable birth control (and yes sometimes abortions). Ours has an escort service that meets you at your car and walks in with you, regardless of your reason for visit so that you don't face those protesters alone.

It's never a black and white issue. No two people have the same abortion stories, it's a personal thing done for different reasons by different people, and affects different people differently.

I have yet to see these same idiots stepping up to donate to women shelters or contributing to charities to help single mothers. They just want the satisfaction of screaming and stamping their feet, but doing nothing to solve the problem. They get hysterical over a fetus and once its born, they could care less what happens to it.

My mom and I have butted heads about the abortion debate so many times. Once I had my daughter she tried using her as a little prolife mascot to get me to switch sides. Nope, still prochoice. But to be fair my mom does do a lot of work with women shelters and the like to try and make resources available so that women can have more options to choose from instead of feeling trapped by one choice, whatever that may be.

Sorry you went through that.

Cundtbake I am so sorry that you had to go through that experience, I'm glad your dp is going to your next appointment and hopefully these individuals won't be there.

I genuinely cannot understand why people do this if you don't believe in abortion that's fine but don't force your views onto a woman/couple who are going through a horrible situation

Sorry OP this is horrible, it may not be illegal but it should be.

By illegal I mean the protesting outside clinics just to be clear

I think it is fine for those who are anti abortion to provide support such as a place to stay, for pregnant women who do actually want their baby, but would abort it because they don't have the support to provide for their baby. Especially in places with a very poor welfare service, such as some states in the US, this does make sense.

But many women do not want to have their baby, and they have the right to abort. Protesting outside clinics is using intimidation and emotional manipulation, to try and stop women having abortions.

It is wrong.

MyBaby Genuine question - if Boko Haram turned up outside your child's school, screaming and shouting and stamping their feet, trying to stop your child from accessing their legal right to an education would you say 'oh that's OK, they have every right to be there?'

Good one, Wilson. Wish I'd thought of it.
Ditto Turgiday. Yes, you have the right to protest. You don't have the right to harass, hence the need for exclusion zones.

Oh, CundtBake, your [Triumphant Face] post made me laugh!

(I suspect some of the dodgier, more finger-wagging posters here may be the same people coming back for another go at you after already being banned once, tbf.)

Ah, OP. I'm so sorry that these wankers have made a hard day more difficult for you.

Sassy, I may be heading for deletion on this, but you are a fucking coward to play 'Aibu is a debating board' rather than having the honesty and the shred of decency to admit 'I made the conscious decision to take advantage of another human's distress as a platform to advance my own beliefs.'

While I'm here, you may also want to look into the difference between 'fact' and 'opinion' when it comes to the question of when life begins.

OP, I'm sorry scum like you encountered are so lacking in human compassion and empathy that they think this is any way acceptable.

Urgh, people like that are a waste of perfectly good oxygen,

If you seriously think that standing outside an abortion clinic trying to shame women who go in (to use the perfectly legal services) is going to improve outcomes for women or for those babies you are so fucking obsessed with, you are a fucking idiot. And a twat of the highest order. I hope a million pigeons shit on your head while you stand their waving your inaccurate placards, you women hating bastards.

OP - you've made a tough decision, big mumsnet hugs for you, do not let those people make you feel ashamed.

Sassy when you say abortion is evil, well I guess that depends on your definition of the word "evil" itself. It's not difficult to see this thread is about a distressed woman made even more distressed by the actions of a group of people that lack empathy and human compassion, ironic really given what they are protesting about. A bit like you really. Start your own anti abortion thread if you wish but your conscious decision to post on a thread about a humans emotional distress is rather "evil" and again ironic if you are soooo bothered about a human life.

I wonder how many of these arseholes who stand outside clinics are claiming JSA and should be available for/looking for work? Or do they take time off especially to harass vulnerable women??

oh OP I'm so sorry you had to see these protestors - they make my blood absolutely boil.

I bet some of them couldn't even give a shit about the 'unborn children' either - to them it's about controlling women's bodies.

I am so sorry,I don't know why they do that. YANBU. It also annoys me that many of these extreme PL'ers are very conservative and against welfare and benefits etc so it seems a bit hypocritical..

They have clinic escorts in the States - volunteers who will walk women from their cars or a meeting point into the clinic. I think it's time we had a similar service here. Anyone any ideas? I don't have a lot of time to spare but I'll be fucked sideways if I have to listen to another poster being upset by exercising her own, legal rights over her body. These bullies need to be stood up to.

Wilson, I'd be up for volunteering for that too!

It all comes down to this too. And i do speak from personal experience of more than one of these situations.

Have you been through being raped and getting pregnant? being a single teenage girl pregnant with no money or anything and terrified? Find out your unborn baby has a severe probably fatal problem? Find out you risk your life to have the baby (and your current children's mother)? Found out you were pregnant accidentally while taking high risk drugs (acne etc)?

If you haven't, no matter how pro life you think you are, you do not know how you will feel if you have had the luxury of never being put in that situation. I know many people who have done the opposite of what they thought. Even if you were in those situations and went ahead, others may do the opposite because they are not choosing between good and bad, they are choosing between awful situation and awful situation. Choosing between pain and heartache and pain and heartache. there is no right choice for everyone.

jelly I agree but I do think we have to be careful to not cast a theme of 'abortions due to bad things are OK, abortions due to contraception failure or because you simply made a mistake and don't want to be pregnant aren't'. I'm not saying that's what you're doing, I just mean it's important to say it is OK to have an abortion for any reason, at any time (subject to the law, of course). No guilt, no shame.

Drain I'm going to email my local clinic. I know in London there are often counter-protests etc, but not sure if even protesting is common up here.

I find it odd that with regard to abortion, it always has to be justified. You'll hear people agree with abortion if the woman was raped or if there was a medical need. How about because it's your right to not proceed with a pregnancy. We wouldn't expect a child to justify their right not to be beaten or to an education, we also don't expect adults to justify their right to life, a fair trial or to work to be questioned.

We need to get away from the whole justifying argument because if we started making people qualify or reach a certain standard in order to obtain their rights we would fundamentally damage our society.

Agree bump and wilson. We need to get past this stereotype of only young girls or rape victims needing access to abortions.

I agree with you Bump. I couldn't care less what anyone's reasons are for having abortion, be they frivolous or dire, whether they have one or 100, and if they skip out of the clinic with a happy heart, good for them. No need to rationalize. It's no one's business but their own.

Hullo everyone,

Thank you for your reports about this thread. We've suspended sassysally's ability to post, as we think we posts on this thread were beyond the pale.

As you were!

Thanks, KateS.