Oooooo she's very pretty - fuck off

[Putthenerfdown]

NC for this and in no way a stealth boast.

AIBU to be sick of hearing this about myself.

Met DPs family for the first time. We went for dinner and I was polite, we had an interesting discussion about the elections, I talked to his mum about books, we had a good time. I sent a nice text the next day thanking them for paying for the meal.

DP spoke to them today. I asked him if they had a good time "yes they enjoyed it, they said how pretty you are". Um ok...anything else "no just that your pretty oh and my DM thinks your very slim"

Which is lovely. Unless your bored of bring pretty or having a nice figure. And yes I TOTALLY know how this reads (like I'm a conceited bitch). But I've heard this for years and just once it would be nice to be funny or clever or kind or interesting and not yes she's got good genes.

AIBU and should shut up or not? DP doesn't see the problem "but you are pretty" was his reply.

[Nancy66]

evil bastards. have them killed.

[SoFishy]

I myself look like the back end of a bus that's had a cement mixer crash into it.

Herc I'm sure you don't but you just made me roar with laughter.

[Sallyingforth]

Gosh OP I do envy you.

Not only brilliant but very pretty too, and slim!

Thank you so much for telling me!

[MargotLovedTom]

Verity I'm not sure what you mean by your comment to me upthread? The bit in bold is a quote from the OP, not what I think, I thought that was quite clear from my post .

[Feminine]

I don't think it is envy crystal

I'm sure lots of posters have been blessed with a pretty face.

There comes a point where one must get over being bothered by "pretty" comments.

There are way worse things to be worrying about. I'd say that about any opinion on looks. It means nothing

I don't know how old op is, but she should take the sage advice given before it turns her ugly!

[Verity87]

Sorry Margot, I'm on the iPad and obviously didn't read properly!

[FourForksAche]

great link hecate.

[MargotLovedTom]

I think if it bothers you OP that much you need to invest in some Deirdre- Barlow- in- the -'80s glasses, a frizzy perm, a few tent like dresses in shades of grey and brown and ditch all make up and hair products as well as growing a beard. Then come back in a few months to tell us how much more satisfied you are being appreciated for your personality and not your looks.

[FourForksAche]

margot, no! women should hide their appearance in order to have other qualities valued? just no, that's awful.

[PrincessBabyCat]

If they didn't say you were pretty, they would just say something like

"She seemed very nice"

It's just a generic compliment. People don't compliment personality unless something really wows them the first time they meet someone. My DH it was "He seems nice" and "He's a good looking guy".

What do you want them to say? They don't know you very well yet.

[Verity87]

The thing is, feminism or not, there is no getting away from the fact that in life it's more of an advantage to be good looking than it is a disadvantage and to say otherwise is disingenuous. And that's why it comes across as a bit brattish when people moan about it.

It would be like someone coming on here moaning about being rich. There's a flip side to everything. But some things you just don't moan about in public.

[BillyBanter]

Everyone gets a version of this to be bored of.

And we are all judged by our looks first. If we are not pretty they have to look further for something else nice to say. So I know people say she's funny or she's got nice hair because they are unable to say, oh she's pretty.

[Awks]

Wait till you get to 48. Noone will be saying that then, take it from me

[FourForksAche]

verity, I'm not denying that, but what you're saying is that someone with advantages has no right to get upset, whack is cack.

[FourForksAche]

which

[Only1scoop]

I know I used to experience this....

[Verity87]

No, I accept I have no right to tell someone how they should feel. But my opinion is that when people moan about being pretty, particularly on an Internet forum it doesn't come across too well. That's just my opinion.

[Feminine]

You can not get upset about being complimented on good looks!

It is totally crazy.

[JustGrrrrrreat]

I dont get this any more but I do understand where you are coming from.

when i was a teenager I got severe glandular fever and lost a LOT of weight as a result. As soon as i started to leave the house again I got reprleatedly told how fantastic I looked. All I could think was

"I dont look fantastic. I look fucking ill. That is because I am ill. I cant walk across the bloody room without help and you lot all think I look great!"

[OnlyLovers]

YANBU (I say this as a non-pretty person).

Is it, as someone says above, the patriarchy. If your DP's parents didn't want to say 'Oh it was great, we had a nice conversation about books we'd both read' or something (although why wouldn't they?) then 'She seemed nice' would be a more neutral comment.

It is a bit depressing about women getting comments primarily for their looks. Like when little girls are praised for 'playing nicely' or having a 'pretty dress'.

[Putthenerfdown]

I think ill exit this thread rather quickly.

The point I was trying to make (obviously not well) was that it would be nice to be noticed for things I value in myself and others not just being pretty and/or slim. And yep I'm sure there are much bigger fish to fry and I'll be ugly and crying in twenty years.

[Only1scoop]

I bet all the 'I'm not pretty' brigade amongst us are just classic.... modest....stunners

Not myself of course....really no...no...please ....no

[Feminine]

only I understand your dress comment, but the "playing nicely"

how do you mean?

[Putthenerfdown]

Onlylovers, by weird conincidence his DM had just started a book I've just finished, we talked about how strange it was because it's a bit of a obscure book. So why not mention that etc

I didn't ASK DP what they said about me. He said to me "oh they think you're pretty".