Oooooo she's very pretty - fuck off

[Putthenerfdown]

NC for this and in no way a stealth boast.

AIBU to be sick of hearing this about myself.

Met DPs family for the first time. We went for dinner and I was polite, we had an interesting discussion about the elections, I talked to his mum about books, we had a good time. I sent a nice text the next day thanking them for paying for the meal.

DP spoke to them today. I asked him if they had a good time "yes they enjoyed it, they said how pretty you are". Um ok...anything else "no just that your pretty oh and my DM thinks your very slim"

Which is lovely. Unless your bored of bring pretty or having a nice figure. And yes I TOTALLY know how this reads (like I'm a conceited bitch). But I've heard this for years and just once it would be nice to be funny or clever or kind or interesting and not yes she's got good genes.

AIBU and should shut up or not? DP doesn't see the problem "but you are pretty" was his reply.

[Putthenerfdown]

No there's no irony in noticing that when the DC are complimented by other people DS is complimented on achievements and DDs on looks.

I was waiting for the Samantha brick comments. What is this thing where woman aren't allowed to say that they are pretty? People can say it about you but if you can't say it about yourself.

This thread wasn't really about DPs parents, I know I've only met them once, I was using it to illustrate a wider issue of being judged pretty/slim above anything else

[runningonwillpower]

OP, give them time.

Once they've got over your beauty they will be sure to appreciate your cleverness and wit.

Seriously, if you are clever and funny they will notice for themselves. You don't need to go pointing it out and worrying about it.

[kinsorange]

Easy answer. Dress yuk. Easily done.

[MorrisZapp]

What nosey said. Getting the wrong kind of compliment after meeting somebody once makes you sound all kinds of hard work.

I don't even think it's sexist. My dp is v good looking and all of my family mentioned it to me after meeting him. Boo boo, don't you know he's lovely and kind too, you barstewards.

[Needaninsight]

Enjoy it whilst it lasts!!!

I had this all the way through my teens, twenties and even my thirties.Only just starting to slow down now.

Anyway. I did used to find it annoying, but then I thought, how annoying it would be to be not so pretty. Being pretty does have its advantages after all!

[DebbieOfMaddox]

C4ro/jacks365 - I'm pretty sure she was giving those as examples of what she tries to avoid with her DCs (although I agree that if so the post was badly phrased).

[IceBeing]

I think its okay if the first thing people notice is looks...we are wired that way...so if you met for like 5 mins in the street then this would be a fine response.

But after a whole evening I would expect something to be said that reflected who I am not what I look like.

Agree with people saying it is societies view that is a fault not the individuals per se.

[Feminine]

I have also been blessed with a nice face- in fact I made my living from it.

I still don't get why it would piss you off?

If there is more to you , you will get complimented on that surely?

I do.

I hear why it could possibly be a problem, but really some people would be over the moon to have their noses in the right place.

You can't let this become you .

[BarbarianMum]

Hah! When my dad first met my dh his comment to me (in tones of wonder) was 'he's very good looking'. He didn't add 'so what's he doing w you?' but the inference hung in the air plain as day.

YANBU to mind but being constantly praised for your GSOH is not all it's cracked up to be either.

[casperthefriendlyghost]

I'm torn on this one. Sadly it never happens to me but I can see it irritating my daughter in years to come. She is 4, blonde hair, blue eyes, very cute. We currently live in the ME and she is an attraction wherever we go - people want to take pictures with her and give her cuddles and are constantly telling her how cute/beautiful/pretty she is. To the point where the other day when someone said "don't you look beautiful" she just said "yes I know" - in a really accepting, fed-up voice - at the age of 4...

On the other hand, as a mother also to 2 boys, shallow as it may seem, if they brought home a beautiful partner I would be delighted for them and can see myself commenting on it. Perhaps they are truly delighted for their son and will comment on other attributes at a later point when you get to know each other properly.

[Only1scoop]

So you aren't Samantha then....

Whoops

[slithytove]

I understand why you would be annoyed. Far nicer to be complimented on something you have worked hard for, put effort into, or something which will last forever (like kindness) as opposed to looks which presumably you have had no input into, and presumably will go one day (sorry!)

Really, they should be complimenting your parents, for making you so bloody gorgeous! (Might be a good rebuttal that )

[TinklyLittleLaugh]

Absolutely Daisy. I wanted to complain to the school but DD2 begged me not to. The teacher was "retired" a few months later though, so I wonder if was having some kind of breakdown.

I am not happy about the way her young art teacher behaves with her either, after seeing him on parents evening; he is very....adoring. DD thinks he's "creepy". It's hard not to get overprotective.

[Standinginline]

Even though ,after that sarcastic post ,I can kind of sympathise. I often get people saying how slim I am (not really pretty ,lol ) after having 2 kids and tbh I do find it uncomfortable. It's kind of like "umm ,thanks "

[Gruntfuttock]

Putthenerfdown, I feel so sorry for you. It's reading about suffering like yours which reminds me to be thankful for looking almost exactly like the back of a very large bus which has crashed.

[LettertoHerms]

OP, I really get it.

I used to be overweight, until about age 16. Six years onthe only thing I ever hear at family gatherings is about how slim I am now, with people loudly commenting on my size, usually within seconds of saying hello. It's like my whole identity, and all certain relatives will talk about or describe about me. For once, I'd like to be asked about my life and congratulated for my accomplishments that do not have to do with my physical appearance. It's demeaning, as if my only purpose in life is to be slim, and I had no worth when I was overweight.

[MargotLovedTom]

But if someone went round declaring themselves to be pretty you would say they were focusing on their looks to the detriment of other aspects of their being.

[IHeartKingThistle]

She's not 'going around declaring herself to be pretty'. She's started an anonymous thread looking for support.

[Pumpkinpositive]

-Turns right round and only compliments GIRL child on it's pretty-face after mentioning 3 separate non-pretty-face compliments for BOY child.

I read that as OP recounting other people's compliments about her kids. Not her own. But she wasn't terribly clear.

OP, you said at the dinner you were "polite" and talked about books and elections. Those might be perfectly appropriate topics for a first time meeting but they wouldn't exactly set the heather on fire.

I can't see how "polite" chatting about current affairs would leave your DP's family with a strong impression of your wit, talent, etc.

If after some time of knowing you, they still have nothing more favourable to say about you than praise your looks, then there might be a problem and you may or may not be entitled to feel legitimately aggrieved.

Some people leave a strong impression on others at the first meeting, some don't. Or it can just depend on the circumstances.

[Verity87]

Sorry this does come across a bit stealth boast.

Of course it is a problem that people (especially women) are judged on their appearance first. I'm considered good looking and the same thing has happened to me. But to be quite honest I have bigger problems to worry about. You can't change the world overnight. What are you going to do?

[MargotLovedTom]

That was in response to the comment OP made about women not being able to say they're pretty.

[Doooooowop]

Samantha Brick has a website which gives advice about how to deal with being very pretty, have a look there?

Shame there isn't a support help desk, maybe you could start one?

[Pumpkinpositive]

In a way, it would be funny if OP's rejoinder to DMiLs compliment had been a snarly "fuck off!" down the phone.

Imagine the responses to the poor traumatised mother in law's posts on here then.

[MargotLovedTom]

I was waiting for the Samantha brick comments. What is this thing where woman aren't allowed to say that they are pretty? People can say it about you but if you can't say it about yourself.

I was responding to this comment by the OP IHeartKingThistle. Thread moving too fast.