To SUE Tesco?

[HoneyDragon]

This morning I had not one, not two, but THREE, layers of cling wrap round my cucumber. THREE!

Sue them. Can we have a practice DM sad face with you looking mournfully at the cucumber?

Yes, the dm to I call them before or after I call my solicitor?

I would call a solicitor first. That way you can say "my solicitor said it's an outrage" and the DM can quote it to add some real weight to your story.

How did you remove said cling film? Was it an organic cucumber?

This is important.

Good point Glitter. Adds gravitas that does.

You hVe to wonder whqt was so awful about the cucumber that needed to be so well contained

No no no no no.

The solicitor themselves must stand on camera and say it's an outrage, with you standing mournfully next to him/her holding clingfilm and shaking with suppressed sobs.

Make sure you have nice foundation on, because then MN can say "this may sound shallow, but in the court case paparazzi pics, does anyone know what foundation that cucumber lady was wearing" Then you get a contract with Max Fac and everything.

At the moment, Tesco seem to throw online coupons at you if you so much as moan about the quarter of the moon - If it was an online shop, I'd complain!

I bet little soggy chunks of cucumber had separated themselves from the main body of the vegetable (or is it fruit) as well, and sat there clammily on the cling.

Yes, DrankSangria is better at this than me.

I wear Boots foundation should I get Mac.

I didn't think of the potential for further cucumber trauma Stealth. Ds starts his SATs today. Do you think it would be appropriate to storm loudly into school and set fire to his entire lunch box to be on the safe side?

Dont be so melodramatic. A bomb stye "cucumber call" would be appropriate so they can explode the box in the middle of the playground.
and I love your lipstick...

Are you OK? Please tell me you didn't break a fingernail opening it.

Only if you're going to clasp hold of the cucumber in a highly suggestive fashion in the SadFace photos

No. I had to attack it repeatedly with a knife to subdue into sandwiches

Lipstick?

That's awful. Fucking irresponsible of them. What if you'd had a cucumber related emergency and it took too long to open?
I'm actually in a cold sweat at the thought of the possible consequences of this.

Well it accents your foundation so perfectly in the daily mail picture of you holding a cucumber :o

Oh yes.

Ah ha! Post Its!

No, I haven't gone mad. I have posted before about my Post It! campaign.

What you do in this situation is collect the clingfilm and take it back to Tescos. Find a box of cucumbers and place the clingfilm, artfully, in the box. On top put a Post It! note with a message, maybe "Dear Tesco customer. Beware over packaging. All of this came from one cucumber."

or "Oi! Tesco. Save the planet not the cucumber. This is far too much clingfilm for one piece of fruit"

I did much the same with the plastic shrink wrap on a Morrison's pepper.

Perhaps they thought you'd bought it with 'other purposes' in mind and wanted to ensure the cucumber was safe to eat afterwards?

[lowers the tone!]

Perhaps Brian from Hulls venture failed, and he's in cucumber lacking now?

Packing

Another thought!

Lower your head in Princess Diana styl-ee and say demurely:

"I don't want compensation, I want justice, I don't want anyone else to suffer as I have done."

You can climb they are slowly trying to kill you by keeping you from accessing healthy food.

Dont just sue em, ruin em!!!