To SUE Tesco?

[HoneyDragon]

This morning I had not one, not two, but THREE, layers of cling wrap round my cucumber. THREE!

Are you sure it's a cucumber ??

I hope you have a suitably demure dress and court shoes for your DM sadface picture. They don't accept trouser-wearing harpies, you know.

oh dear...should one roll the film back?

I tend to slice across-wise to remove my allocated portion then slice at right angles to make two halves which the film is easily removed from.

I don't know how to ask this...but...

Have I been opening my cucumber like a member of the working class ?!?!

Did they charge you by weight?
if not , what's the problem?

(no, I jest, I am with you on this, they are a bugger to peel when double wrapped, never mind tripe)

or triple, even!

I don't think they wrap them in tripe do they? Is it halal tripe if they do?

I take all the film off and let my cucumber rub up against the tomatoes and celery in the salad drawer.

All my vegetables are without robes.

I even let the mushrooms free range.

Is that how they do it in tesco now, its kind of a mid range supermarket. In waitrose would I expect to hardly see my cucumber for packaging, whereas in asda, id be expected to wrap my own?

ive only just managed to type that after fainting at your wanton vegetable drawer honey dear lord, you have no vegetable discipline in your house

You should see my fruit bowl, the oranges and pears usually fraternise with assorted hair clips, the odd fun size mars bar or lollipop (abandoned from school bags). Even the Avocados are allowed to ripen with the apples.

Anyway, how much is your house worth.

Are you sure its clingfilm?

Maybe Tescos was trying to be helpful. Rather than just eating your cucumber you can now use it for erm... other purposes and then eat it as its got a good outer wrapping that will not split if you become a little too vigourous.

I heard an environmental breakdown of the cucumber condom on the radio recently and I was intrigued to learn that the waste saved by protecting the cucumbers as they are in transit and awaiting display in the shops far exceeds the environmental impact of the plastic film being used.

Having been a bit of a rabid 'WHY DOES THIS NEED PLASTIC' mob beforehand, the wind was somewhat taken out of my sails by the discovery that actually the plastic film is better for the environment than the alternatives. So your cucumber is saving the earth three times more than mine - feel free to shoot a panda to balance it out!

Oh yeah I know more about plastics foams and their qualities than any decent person should. And this is how I know THREE wrappings is too much.

Cucumbergate

Where will it end though? Individually wrapped tomatoes?

It's a precautionary measure that Tesco take to cut down on the spread of CTDs (cucumberally transmitted diseases).

Cucumbers are well known for their promiscuous lifestyles - from the moment they sprout from their flower on the vine, they are on the prowl for nigh-on constant x-rated cucurbitaceous action.

When they are harvested and placed lengthways in boxes with dozens of other fellow cumbers, it is inevitable that shenanigans, dalliance and frottage will take place before the firm young fruits find their way to the supermarket shelves.

In order to prevent the customer being exposed to the seedier effects of adolescent cucumber fornication, Tesco have found that the application of a treble-layer prophylactic serves to cut rates of infection and teenage cucumber pregnancy by over 80%.

However, some critics claim that an abstinent cucumber does not share the fullness of flavour of its more dissolute organic cousins, who arrive free and unsheathed in their naked splendour.

Have you considered a subtle blusher for your sadface DM photo shoot?

My mother grows a variety called Telegraph.

It is quite an experience to wander through the glasshouse on a sultry evening, being brushed by foot-long dangling intumescences.