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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is too much to expect from parents?

118 replies

Octopirate · 09/05/2014 23:05

There have been a few discussions on my facebook regarding the child who was lead away by the old man in Derby. As a side issue, a few of my friends were saying things like "if I had children I would never allow them to let go of my hand" and "I would never take my eyes off my child, not for a second". My DS is not mobile yet and I don't have any experience with older children, however AIBU to think that this is just not possible? Surely there are going to be times where your child suddenly lets go of your hand or you have to take your eyes off your child? Obviously parents who show a blatant disregard for thier children's whereabouts is a different matter!

OP posts:
Anywhichway · 10/05/2014 00:09

It's so hard. When dd1 was a toddler she absolutely did not want to hand my hand - ever!

I lost her once in the Newley opened trafford center only to find her sat with a maniquin in the shop window. It was a bad experience never to be repeated !

Glampinglove · 10/05/2014 00:17

My DD went missing at Butlins when she was three, she was dancing at a kids disco when I turned around to get my drink and then she was gone when I turned back around. I found her a few minutes later in the arcade, I have never been so scared in my life.

That said I have never felt the need to be a helicopter parent and never let her have any freedom.

It is NOT possible to never let your children out of your sight, nor should they feel suffocated.

MexicanSpringtime · 10/05/2014 00:34

My mother-in-law says that even the Virgin Mary lost Jesus.

Things happen and fortunately there was perfectly innocent explanation in this case.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 10/05/2014 01:45

The fella was bound to come forward and say something whether he was guilty or not.

I was fully ready to rant about 'oh people can't touch kids these days without being vilified' but I soon shut up when I watched the video. There was no delay. It was like he saw his opportunity and wanted to get out of there. There was none of the confusion, none of the standing there like an idiot surveying the area. He didn't speak to the child. Just grabbed his hand and tried to leg it.

I'm not one to usually think like that I try and see the best side, but it looked damning to me.

deakymom · 10/05/2014 01:50

this is why i internet shop when they get to the age where they are out of the buggy and not able to walk holding hands im lucky my son is noisy so we all know where he is

Martorana · 10/05/2014 01:51

"I'm not one to usually think like that I try and see the best side, but it looked damning to me."

Maybe you should ring the police and explain how you know better after watching a few seconds of video than they do after watching the whole thing and extensively interviewing everybody involved.

I'm sure they'll be grateful for your insight...........

ifyourehoppyandyouknowit · 10/05/2014 01:55

Haven't the police said that the incident is no longer being classed as suspicious and that they don't feel it needs any further investigating? So perhaps it isn't very wise to go throwing round accusations about the man?

Today my two year old DS, who is normally very very good at walking nicely near roads and holding hands etc, shot out into the middle of a road, between two cars, laughing because HAHA HE WAS RUNNING AWAY FROM MUMMY!. It took the 2 seconds I had to let go of his hand to close a big gate/juggle a bag. I hadn't considered putting reins on him for the 20m walk back to the car. It is a miracle he wasn't run over (hard to see because of all the parked cars and everyone seems to speed down that road). But I suppose if I had been as perfect as some parents are, it wouldn't have happened.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 10/05/2014 01:59

Mart because there's nothing to charge him with. Can't charge him with attempted abduction because there's no proof he was doing anything other than finding a family member. We will never know his intentions. All I'm saying is I was surprised at how completely suspect it looked. And even if all the police involved agreed with my OPINION they couldn't have charged him.

Hopefully he was innocent in his actions, and hopefully the mother doesn't get any further backlash.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 10/05/2014 02:03

If parents have to turn into jailers to avoid being blamed, that's both damaging to the parents... And hugely damaging to the child.

The fb people who are doing the self satisfied preening should perhaps think about the climate of fear and dependence they are creating. It's very sad.

MexicanSpringtime · 10/05/2014 04:35

Stranger danger is only news because it is very unusual When things become common place nobody bothers to report them.

Mybellyisaneasteregg · 10/05/2014 04:49

Oh my goodness I just watched this and I don't think anyone should judge the mother in this situation. It happened so quickly in an fairly quiet/uncrowded area, she wouldn't have been anticipating a problem at all, and fortunately she was able to intervene.

My ds would hate reins. He wore them as a younger toddler but it would be difficult to force him to wear them now as an older toddler. I really don't think they are the solution for all parents and toddlers. He is quite good at staying close and following my instructions when out an about, but things happen and we have become separated briefly a number of times, for example when he was to race behind a shelf in a shop.

MiaowTheCat · 10/05/2014 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Martorana · 10/05/2014 08:08

Do you seriously think that if the police thought this guy was an abductor they would have let him go in a couple of hours?

No, they would have kept him for as long as legally allowed while they took his house apart looking for evidence.

Panzee · 10/05/2014 08:09

I lost my four year old for a few minutes a few weeks ago, he was playing in a ride on machine and there was a boy with the same t shirt near him. I looked away and back and he was there...only it wasn't him, it was the other boy. He he gone to see something and came back again but for those few minutes it was horrible.

doziedoozie · 10/05/2014 08:15

The mother is a female therefore she is selfish, careless, a crap mother and any other abuse you wish to throw at her.

The child taker is a bloke so made an honest mistake and meant well.

Martorana · 10/05/2014 08:21

"The mother is a female therefore she is selfish, careless, a crap mother and any other abuse you wish to throw at her.

The child taker is a bloke so made an honest mistake and meant well."

I agree with your firwt sentence. But in this case, the "child taker" was interviewed very briefly by the police and found to have done nothing wrong. Not in this case because he is a man- but because he had dome nothing wrong.

Nanny0gg · 10/05/2014 08:25

None of us is perfect (however much we like to think we are).

We have all done something that another parent would Tut at. It's just that, mostly, we get away with it.

ginmakesitallok · 10/05/2014 08:27

I just think this is a total non story. In this case, there never was a paedophile trying to steal a kid fgs.

TheHoneyBadger · 10/05/2014 08:38

please dont put 'reigns' on your child. they're not dogs, they shouldn't be on leashes ffs.

CoolCadbury · 10/05/2014 08:42

the child taker is a bloke so made an honest mistake and meant well

Er, what planet are you on? A stranger who is a man who talks to child is treated very differently by a significant section of the society than if it was a woman stranger.

As previous posters have said, the man was found to have done nothing wrong? Do you really think the police would have let him go if they had suspicions?

Rather than stranger danger, we should be talking to our children about safer strangers.

RandomMess · 10/05/2014 08:43

I've never had to use reins but I've never had a bolter!!!

Hate it when people are so judgemental. Keeping your dc safe from bolting across a road and getting knocked down is so important and if your child's personality means it take reins then so be it.

Chopsypie · 10/05/2014 08:44

Honey - how else do you propose I keep my two year old safe walking short distances when she refuses to hold hands and runs away at every opportunity? Stick her in the pushchair all the damn time? And do what with her three year old brother whilst I have no hands free?

Stop being so damn judgmental

Casmama · 10/05/2014 08:45

I tend to discount anything that follows the phrase "if I had children" as optimistic at best. I had parenting totally sussed in my head before I actually had children too.

I think this does give you a scare and a reminder to be as vigilant as possible but would take nothing else from it than that.

RandomMess · 10/05/2014 08:46

I shall take this opportunity to share this fab link again. STOP teaching about stranger danger

www.checklistmommy.com/2012/02/09/tricky-people-are-the-new-strangers/

CantUnderstandNewtonsTheory · 10/05/2014 08:46

Link please!