To think this is too much to expect from parents?

[Octopirate]

There have been a few discussions on my facebook regarding the child who was lead away by the old man in Derby. As a side issue, a few of my friends were saying things like "if I had children I would never allow them to let go of my hand" and "I would never take my eyes off my child, not for a second". My DS is not mobile yet and I don't have any experience with older children, however AIBU to think that this is just not possible? Surely there are going to be times where your child suddenly lets go of your hand or you have to take your eyes off your child? Obviously parents who show a blatant disregard for thier children's whereabouts is a different matter!

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

please dont put 'reigns' on your child. they're not dogs, they shouldn't be on leashes ffs


If it meams he doesn't bolt under a car then I'll bloody well put reins on him. Couldn't give a fuck what you think. And being six months pregnant I can't chase him.

[BillyBanter]

Use reins if you feel they are appropriate for your DC.

The people who tut won't be there for you if DC is run over. They will be too busy tutting at you for taking your eye off them.

[EhricLovesTheBhrothers]

It's not fair to judge parents who use reins on a Houdini child who won't stay and walk nicely, however they should be a last resort IMO to deal with such a child, not in place of teaching the child to stay with you and walk nicely.
The woman took her eye off the toddler for a couple of minutes, it happens. She wasn't to blame. I have seen some crap parenting before whereby a mum was pushing a pram, on the phone, walking about 6 feet ahead of her toddler who was pushing a toy pram. She was completely oblivious and walked across a shop driveway (vehicles could very easily have been crossing it and this child was tiny, wouldn't necessarily have been seen) and just left the tiny to follow after. I do think if anything had happened to the child she would have been culpable in a way. (I did watch to see whether she paid attention to her, thankfully they reached a big crossing so she had to)

[maras2]

I had my kids on reins untill they went to school.They were both bolters.It was in the 1970's and more popular than it is now.

[OwlCapone]

We will never know his intentions

And yet he is guilty in the eyes of many.

[Pobblewhohasnotoes]

DS has a LittleLife backpack, he holds my hand really well but his favourite thing is also 'running'.

[OwlCapone]

please dont put 'reigns' on your child. they're not dogs, they shouldn't be on leashes ffs

No, they aren't dogs. Very often they are less predictable and not as well trained than dogs and much more precious.

Don't be so stupid. People use reins to keep their children safe.

[kungfupannda]

It's incredibly easy to take your eyes off them for a moment, especially with more than one child. I watch mine like a hawk when we're out and about because they never stop moving. We were at an aquarium a couple of months ago, and were were all standing in a row looking at one of the big tanks. I pointed something out to DS1 then looked back down at DS2 and he was gone. I didn't panic because he'd been walking up and down a moment before, looking at some pictures on the wall. By the time I'd established he wasn't in the room, we had no idea which way he'd gone as there were passages in both directions.

I was convinced the door to my right hadn't opened while we'd been there (dark room so would have been obvious) so we legged it towards the entrance and couldn't find him. When I went back the other way, he'd somehow got out of the door, along the underwater tunnel, through three more sets of doors and was making his way up the ramp into the rainforest bit. Apparently he was going to see the 'funny fish.'

That whole scenario happened because I moved my eyes to the left for about 5 seconds.

[RandomMess]

soverylucky I see your point as well, but I think the it's more a case of if someone makes you feel uncomfortable and that is behaviour they exhibit not to shrug it off?

A teacher should not be offering to take a child to out of school trips though - EVER!!!!

Soccer coach - someone who you don't know personally, someone has access to your child regularly without you around... not the same as a friend who is offering to baby sit your children to do you a favour IYSWIM

"Weird" adult cousin - implication again that this person is already on your radar as making you uncomfortable for some reason you can't fathom.

I think it's about getting you to trust your isntinct and not brush them off because it's a relative/soccer coach etc.

[TwelveLeggedWalk]

What Owl said.
I don't let my dog take his chances with the traffic, sure as hell not going to with twin toddlers.

[poorbuthappy]

The only way I could walk my twins anywhere to start with was on reigns.
Divide and conquer is their motto.

Personally i don't care what anyone else thinks.
And yes for a certain amount of time my dog was better trained than those blinking kids!!

[marleymooo]

I use DS little life back pack when we are out with the baby. He knows to hold my hand or hold the buggy and I have the strap around my wrist. He isn't even aware of it but IF he were to bolt he couldn't get away.

[OOAOML]

please dont put 'reigns' on your child. they're not dogs, they shouldn't be on leashes ffs.

I got this attitude from someone at work once when she saw me getting out the LittleLife backpack before meeting my children. We were going to be crossing several busy roads at rush hour, and I had two children and an assortment of baggage. If it is ok to keep a dog on a lead in that situation, why would I put at risk the life of a toddler because I don't want to put him on a 'leash'?

[cece]

My toddlers;

DD is cautious by nature and was compliant mainly as a toddler. She would hold hands and do as she was told when out. Therefore no reins required.

DS1 and DS2 however, are impulsive and rather reckless. They both had reins as they could/would not hold my hand and do as they were told when out.

[Scrounger]

TheHoneyBadger Sat 10-May-14 08:38:02

please dont put 'reigns' on your child. they're not dogs, they shouldn't be on leashes ffs.

Like poorbuthappy I have twins and it is much safer having them on reins. I have a slightly older child as well and keeping them all together and safe going through car parks and crossing roads is difficult. At the age they are currently at I would prefer that extra bit of safety and control. What can happen is that one twin drops your hand and runs off because they think it is funny. If you only have one child you run after them and catch them in two steps. If you have another child what do you do? Pick the second child up and try to catch up (difficult as they get bigger and you don't have enough time) or let go of the second child and run after the first one?

HTH you to understand the issues that other people have to think about. I hate it when people use 'FFS' as though anyone who doesn't do it their way is stupid.

[thecatfromjapan]

Does the link really say that? We live in weird times. It's a burn able offend to play with children rather than sit with a bunch of pissed up adults? Offering babysitting is suspicious?

Using reins is not going to give anyone here superpowers and the ability to control fate- which lies at the bottom of this mania.

Come on - you know that children are most at risk fr adults they know. The pseudo scare thing just stops people facing a horrible truth.

[Scrounger]

Using reins helps to keep them from running into the road when I am on my own with them. Most people posting on this forum seem to be using them for this. The risk of being abducted is tiny, TBH I hardly consider it. When we are out as a family we don't use the reins. Hardly paranoia.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

Yes. From adults they know.
That was the point of the advice on the site. Explaining what grooming actually looks like.

I can't comment on the "don't put reins of your children they're not dogs" comment without being delegated. So its on my next post
It's a ridiculous thing to say. As banter says, the ppl tutting over reins will be the ones tutting at you letting go of your child.

[TheRealAmandaClarke]

please don't put reins on your child. They're not dogs, they shouldn't be on leashes FFS

Fuck off

[thecatfromjapan]

To return to OP : you are right and the FB posters - those who have strong opinions about mothers (and it is always mothers) whilst only being the parents of imaginary children) need to grow up. They also need ( desperately) to stop being stupid - but they may not be able to do that

[Pagwatch]

"Weird" adult cousin - implication again that this person is already on your radar as making you uncomfortable for some reason you can't fathom."

Well except my adult cousin who makes people uncomfortable has aspergers. And my son who is 17 and is seriously weird.
No one has to tell parents to avoid these two. They are already totally shunned and isolated. In what world is any parent going to send their small child outside to play with the weird cousin. They are too busy putting the non emergency police number into their phone and staring them down if they go to the Park.

IME people already avoid those they chose to regard as weird. No one needs that advice. They people who abused me where charming and gregarious.

People keep being told to worry about the wrong people.